Is my new relationship going to last?

Question

I have been dating this amazing guy for 5 months now and I am getting sick of his ex. She is an artist and he hangs her paintings in his apartment. He knows this bothers me but he has told me if I want this to last, put up with it. One of the paintings is a love painting hanging above his bed from her with love enscribed on the bottom. They bought a dog together and now they share the dog which means she still comes in contact with him occasionally. He was with her for 4 years and she was his first sexual encounter. That worries me. She says she has a new boyfriend but I can't help wondering if either one of them can let go. Is is wrong for me to be jealouse of the ex? When I break up with someone, I really don't come in contact with them anymore. Am I crazy or is sharing the dog a little too much? He currently owns the dog now but she calls him about once every 2 weeks wanting to come over and visit. What should I do?????

Answer 1

It is an intense feeling of jealousy that has whetted the feeling of insecurity in you to an uncalled for extent. You are the cause, therefore you are the solution.

Answer 2

I think you're right, and that they haven't exactly let go of their love for each other. The dog... I'm guessing it's like a kid to them, they both want it, so they share it. No offense, but I also keep in touch with all my past bfs, it's not that rare. The paintings, depends whethere they're really good or bad. If they're good, then it's actually obvious why he might want to keep them, but if they're bad, then you've got a problem there. I don't think it's wrong of you to be jealous, it's natural. And I think his ex is jealous of you just because you're his gf now. You have a choice:

1. You could let the ex come by more often, and at the end, just break up with him.
2. Or you could hang on tight and see if the sort out their problems themselves.

Good Luck and Good Life.

Answer 3

Girl, his ex's paintings are not the only thing on the wall. So is the writing. Now please read it carefully. This guy may be "amazing" but he has excessive baggage from his previous relationship. There are a number of things that need to be addressed here:
1. He hangs her paintings in his apartment...a love painting hanging above his bed with love from her enscribed on the bottom.
This is disrespect to you. I wouldn't sweat it if it were just one simple painting that he had long before he met you and it was in the hallway or something but multiple paintings and one over his bed scream "I'm not over you!" He might as well have photos or portraits of her about his place. As a woman, I know that this has to dampen your mood whenever you're at his place. As his current girlfriend, your feelings should be taken into consideration.
2.He knows this bothers me but he has told me that if I want this to last, put up with it...
What the hell? If he tells you now that it's his way or the highway, your future is bleak. He is being selfish and dominating. He knows that you are really into him and he is testing you. Today it may be putting up with the paintings. Tomorrow it might be putting up with her spending the night to spend time with the dog. If you don't assert yourself now, he will never have respect for you. Respect sometimes has to be demanded. You have to set boundaries and have consequences for obstruction of those boundaries. When you set forth a consequence, you have to stand firm and go through with it or you're a mere joke. He won't take you seriously.
3.The dog...
What the f**k? I have heard of baby mama drama but this takes things to a new level. Again, it comes back to you. The ball is in your court. Ask yourself how much is too much. This dog is not their child and when they broke up, he maintained ownership of it. She should not be calling or visiting. If it's over, there should be no contact between the two of them. They need to piss or get off the toilet.
4.Am I crazy...
Now, you're doubting yourself. Do you see what is happening here? Your self-confidence and esteem are being slowly stripped from you, and this is after a short but "sweet" 5 months. You have sound judgement and you should never second guess yourself when you know that you are right.
Ask yourself where you want this relationship to go and then ask yourself realistically if you are willing to make all of the sacrifices that it would take in order for it to go there. Determine if having a guy is worth your dignity and peace of mind. You can't trust him now. His ex is not the problem. He is. He makes the decisions to continuously involve her in his life. You have your own decision-making to do. Just remember that if you accept this treatment now during the "honeymoon" phase, it will only get worse as time passes.

Answer 4

I never broke off ties completely when a relationship ended because it always seemed too unnatural. You did really care about the person and pretending that the feelings are gone just because you say something is stupid. A breakup is just an agreement that you no longer wish to be together as a couple.

That said, I know it must be hard for you because you aren't sure if he's really ended things with her or if he's just having a fling with you before he goes back. Ultimately, you can never know, and trying to pressure him into giving you an answer will not guarantee you a truthful one, while it may hurt your relationship.

My criterion has always been whether my time with my girlfriend is being cut short because of other people interfering. If it is, than that's a legitimate complaint you can confront him with. If he still insists on depriving you of his time, than he really doesn't care about you in any special way.

Answer 5

I think it's ok for them to be friends. But I also think he's taking it a little overboard. He should respect you and your relationship and he's not doing that by hanging love paintings from his ex all around the house. The dog I don't think is such a big deal. It sounds like their both really attached to it. My advice is to relax and see how it goes for a while and if things don't change and he doesn't let go of his ex then he doesn't want the relationship as much as he should and he doesn't respect it or you like he should. I would end it after that. For the relationship to work, you have to love each other completely and forget about your past loves.

Answer 6

I think sharing the dog is too much. You should never be told to deal with something in a relationship, it should always be 50/50. If he has her picture above his bed and they still talk a lot, then yes he has feelings for her still and there strong. You should tell him a relationship is 50/50 (even between the both of you) and you're not jealous you just want respect.

Answer 7

You should absolutely be jealous! I know a few people that share a dog, I think it is so weird. They act like it is a child, unless that is what they are pretending here. If he came out and told you that it won't last then maybe you should back off a bit and start looking for a new guy, dump him when you find someone new and tell him to go back to his ex.

Answer 8

I've been there hun. It is hard but for the rlationship to work you need to trust him. Ask your self this question? Also does he tell you when he meets her etc, if so this shows hes nothing to hide,. At the end of the day you have got your man not her! Shes just clinging on to materialistic things which will fade in time. $ years is a long time to be with some one so it will take time. Hang in there. But if you start to feel he is lying to you or you dint trust him, get out of there girl!! Good luck hope all turns out for the best.

Answer 9

They never closed that relationship, and it doesn't appear they intend to. If he likes her art, that's fine, but a "love" painting over his bed is just rubbing it in your face.

I doubt you'll ever be comfortable with this, most women wouldn't. It's great they can be friends and all after a breakup, most couples aren't...but instead of reassuring you that YOU are the love of his life right now, he's basically told you to accept her part in it or move on...

I'd move on...if I'm going to be with someone, I want the relationship to be about "us" (he and I), not he and I and his ex and their dog...

Answer 10

This is weird and you are NOT weird for worrying about this.

You need to be #1. Currently you are not. You are sharing it with his ex.

Their "love" painting in his bedroom? EWWWWWWW

Dump him. He's hung up on her or the idea of what they used to be.

If he doesn't take your feelings into account then he's not meeting you halfway. You are doing all the giving and he's being a selfish b@stard.

YOU deserve better than this. YOU deserve to be # 1 in someone's life.

Answer 11

I dont like this it sounds fishy...First of all tell her to take the dog for good...what is this dog custody?? its a damn dog not a child. And the picture she drew for him thats above his bed should be removed because everytime your in bed with him you are looking at a picture that his ex gave him. That's the last thing you want to think of is HER when you are in bed with him. Good luck and best wishes!