physically abusive(for now,but I'm worried abt the potential)but emotionally. he's over protective n insecure.he checks my call list n msgs.Claims he wont c but Demands my email password wen i said i dont trust him enuf.he's controlling his anger coz i threatened I'd leave him..But i can see glimpses of his temper.The only things stopping me frm breaking up is that 1)he's abusive n threatens 2 die if i leave him 2) I've been physically close with him.. not done 'it'... but still... 3)He has a tattooed my name on his arm 4) Most of my frnds n colleagues know we're in love. If i break up, people will talk bad abt me... so, its society ethics too.
What can i do? I dont want him to get angry when i break up n do something rash. I cant ask my family for help coz my parents didnt like me seeing him n dont know that I'm still continuing my relation with him. I read an article abt abusive partners. In the list of signs of abusive partner, he had 4 characters out of 5.I'm really scared. Help!
2006-08-09 03:18:08 · 22 answers · asked by Crazyme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've told him to control his anger..
Also i dont want to make a public issue of his character.... the least thing i can do to not hurt him frther. He loves me deeply and all... but i just can stand it .....
2006-08-09 03:43:34 · update #1
You should have a uncle, male cousin, or a male friend over when you break up with him.
If you don't want to do that, try to get him in an anger management class. Talk to someone that could enroll him without them telling him you did. If that doesn't work then you'd have to break up with him. I know it would be hard but would you want to spend the rest of your life like that?
2006-08-09 03:24:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You don't love this guy, right?
2. He probably won't jump off a bridge because you left him, because I don't think he's brave enough.
3. Your physical problem... a lot of people leave their parteners, even when they have had some sexual relations.
4. Now the tattoo is a problem. There's almost no way to get it off....
Sorry, can't help you with that one.
5. Talk it over with your parents, tell them you want to split with him, and if they REALLY don't like him, then they'll take drastic measures to make sure that you and him split up.
6. If you have a best friend, tell him/her about your problem, and ask her to spread it around so that it's public that you don't want to be with your bf, and so when you DO split up, people will give you a chance to get your life straight again.
Good Luck.
2006-08-09 03:27:47 · answer #2 · answered by Sofi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now while you still can! People don't change, especially when it's something that serious. The longer you stay the better your chances are for being hit. Alert everyone you can about his behavior, that way if anything happens everyone knows ahead of time. They will also be able to keep a look out for you, you need to have someone watching your back. Also, try to always have someone around. He will be less likely to do anything when there are others around. It's not that you will have to do this forever, just til he gets it through his head that it's over and he can't get to you. Be smart and be safe!
2006-08-09 03:29:56 · answer #3 · answered by str8tequila80 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look, you can tell your parents and it sounds like you know you should! would you rather him kill you or seriously hurt you, they are going to find out then anyway, wouldn't you rather let them help you. admitting you did something against their wishes is a lot better than them getting a call from the police in the middle of the night. second...the oldest trick that abusers use is threatening to die if you leave him. if he had the balls enough to kill himself he wouldn't need to push you around to feel like a tough man. the tattoo thing? i have a tattoo of the chinese symbol for CHEESE that i got to match my best friend's...ex best friend that is, but tats can be covered, and i don't lose sleep over it! the physical thing, that was a big deal for you, and it's tough, but that's the risk you take when you decide you are mature enough to start acting physically in a relationship. but i promise, you'll get over that part in time. making a past bad decision is NO EXCUSE for continued willing ignorance, and i don't say that to be mean, but you are in a very dangerous situation that you need out of yesterday, you seem to have people that could help, but you have chosen not to let them, why? pride. good luck, swallow your pride, and ask for help, if you go at it alone, he may do something to you! again good luck!
2006-08-09 03:30:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, sit down with your parents and just explain to them that you are still with him but you need their support. Then explain to them that you want to leave and are afraid too. Parents will move heaven and earth for their kids. Trust me. As for him wanting to have all of your info like your email password and check your phone list. Honey, there is something wrong with him mentally.
However, if you think that you are in love with him you are not going to listen to any ones advice. Do you really think that it is love when you are afraid of him? You are number one in your own book and that is who you should be looking out for. If you see the potential for him to be abusive and he speaks to you like you are the scum of the earth, you need to leave. Go to someones house for a while and get away from him.
As for you caring what other people are saying about you...It shouldn't matter. If you have real friends they would support you in anything you do. Are you really that scared that someone is going to be like "Hey she's the one that left that jerk that was threatening her life. Let's not socialize with her" Come on reality check. Nobody died from leaving before it was too late. And you really shouldn't care what people think about you. You should be your own self, if they don't like it to bad. They can either move on or accept you the way you are.
2006-08-09 03:33:10 · answer #5 · answered by tags1975 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to leave, you should go when he is at work. Then, once you have left you should get a restraining order against him for your protection. Why would you worry about what your friends think if you break up with him? They are not going to talk bad about you leaving when they find out what he is truly like. Besides, he will not physically hurt himself if you leave him as they all say that to get you to stay w/them.
2006-08-09 03:24:33 · answer #6 · answered by RainCloud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, first, you shouldn't care about what your friends or colleagues think about you getting out of the relationship. I'm sure if you told them how he really is that they'll support you 100%. Also, TELL YOUR PARENTS, they will always be there to help you, it's best to be honest with them about this, they might have great ideas on how to get you out of this situation.
As for "him", he needs help, if he doesn't get it now then I'm sure he can see a psychiatrist when he's in jail.
Good luck with the situation.
2006-08-09 03:25:27 · answer #7 · answered by goldiemcg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got out of a very abusive relationship. I have had surgery's from results of his abuse. I also lost custody of my daughters due to my relationship. The best advice i can give you is to get out of the relationship before it gets worse because it does not get better it gets alot worse. there are places that will help you. (Group counseling, restraining order, abused women shelters, homes, etc.) It may seem scary or strange to leave your enviornment and enter another, but trust me it will be alot scarier if you do not leave the one you are in now!
Good Luck!
2006-08-09 03:31:16 · answer #8 · answered by NICKI 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! This is really serious. First of all, no one should allow any man to abuse her verbally or physically. If you think that's love its really not. But I would really try and get away from that situation, or at least try and talk to him as a concerned friend and try and get him some help because there is nothing that god can not handle...
2006-08-09 03:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny it doesnt matter how mean he is or how people will see you after that. noone need to know your buisness!! and if they ask tell them youd rather not say. But you need to get out of there you may think he loves you and he prolly does but when you care for someone its means that you dont want to see them get hurt at all period.!!! And i can tell you dont want things to be over then tell him that if he cares about you then he will go to counseling with you together. make sure you have a girl counseler so he doesnt get mad during and storm out. i used to be where you are so i understand completely. but if you want it to be done then wait till hes not with you at home then write a note where you know he will see it and go somewhere where he wont know ho to contact you. and stay low key if its worse then that then you need to go to the cops. and i hate saying that just because i wouldnt want to do that but they are there to help. im sorry thats all ive got for ya good luck hunny and i hope everything works out.!! just worry about YOU and what makes YOU happy
2006-08-09 03:32:27 · answer #10 · answered by D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋