Step-Mother issues...?

Question

I have my wedding all planned out and ready to go but my step-mother is trying to get me to change everything. When we picked out the tuxes for the guys she didn't like them and wanted my dad in something she liked. I know she would like to help me out but I really don't like her ideas. I have tried talking to her about it but she still insissts on trying to change everything. My mom is getting just as p***ed off as I am. What can I do to get her to stop?!

Answer 1

I had the same problem with my mother, StepMother, and a couple other members of my family. I was too afraid to make them mad that I let them walk all over me when it came to a few things about the wedding, and I regretted it. I found that on my wedding day, I spent it telling people, "Well, yes, that looks nice, but I had originally wanted it this way" and they would respond how that would have looked even better. So, unless you're prepared to spend one of the most important days of your life doing that, then I would suggest that you find a way to approach this issue with your step-mother.
I know it won't be easy, but I found that when you're the bride, everyone expects you to turn into "Bridezilla" at least a few times during the wedding planning (Hell, they even made a tv show about it, so you know it happens). I found that the one time I did freak out about something with my mother, she realized that I was really upset about it and that she was being a jerk. When I apologized later, she said that she was surprised that I didn't do that more with the wedding planning. If you've tried talking to her calmly about it, maybe it is time to turn into "Bridezilla" and in the middle of her trying to change something, either raise your voice or change your tone to basically tell her that you're not nicely asking anymore, you mean business.

Good luck with your wedding - I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

If you have already told her that you don't need her help and she insists then have your soon to be husband talk to her and explain. If that is not possible then you may have to politely snub her. OR threaten her with not being a part of the wedding. Just tell her that you already got it all figured out and then stop answering any questions that she may or will have. It is your wedding and at the same time she sees it as her wedding that she didn't get the first time or something. Just let her know that it is your wedding and you will do it the way you want it .Hope you have a wonderful life with your hubby. Don't let the mother-in-law thing run it for you and don't give in.

Answer 3

Don't talk about the wedding with her anymore. When she asks have you planned this or that yet, tell her that you and your fiance will come up with something. Change the subject when she brings up the wedding, and don't ask for her opinion.

The tricky part is if she and your father are contributing to the cost of wedding, then they may feel that they have a right to have a say. Also, she might want to feel as involved as your mom is, especially if she's been around for a while. It might be that she just doesn't want to be left out. If this is the case, then you might want to give her something to do.

This worked wonders for me with my mother-in-law. Every time she started nagging and getting annoying, I'd say something like "I'm having such a hard time finding the perfect wedding napkins," and then she'd jump at the opportunity to take on the task herself. It gave her something to do, so she felt involved, and she stopped nagging as much about the other things.

Good luck!

Answer 4

You can be mean and exclude her or You can be nice about it my mother was really bad because she never had her own wedding and I was ready to cancel the week before because she kept trying to change things. When she suggest a change you can simply say thank you for your opinion I know you are trying to help but I have been dreaming about this day and have everything in my head already. If that doesn't work simply state you are here for emotional support because I am nervous but I know what I want at my wedding.

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my MIL. You need to stop asking her about anything. No advice or anything. I am sure that she will give it to you anyways. Just say very sternly that this is the way it is going to be no questions asked. I had to be a bit mean but sometimes that is the only way to do it. It is your wedding not hers. My mom and I would get so mad at her so we came up with a plan: Give her a small task that you really don't care about. Are there going to be out of town guests? You are going to have to make gift bags for them, for when they get to the hotel. I got my MIL out of my hair by telling her that she was incharge of that. I really didn't care to much about it. Of course the bags and all were tacky but I made sure that people knew she did it. And thanked her so much for doing it. That way she feels involved and like she did something big. Or you could put her in charge of finding the guest signing book (nobody ever sees the cover of it), have her help with the favors, etc.. Just find something sort of big that really won't matter if it is tacky. What ever you do, do NOT ask her any questions anymore. It will only lead to these problems. Just wait until you get married! Is your hubby to be an only boy? My husband is. MIL likes to buy me tacky things to decorate my house that I would never use. She even bought me Hallloween decorations for my aug b day! It will never end, you just have to get creative! (like accidentally not remembering where you put those lovely halloween decorations! (garbage))

One more thing, only invite her to your fittings, nothing else. Don't let her see any of the other things that are going on. That way she doesn't have room to say anyting.

Answer 6

Say politely but firmly: Thank you for that great suggestion, I'll definitely consider it. And if she brings it up again just say: I really thought about it and even though they were good ideas I went with my first instinct.

Another thing you can do is put her in charge of something small, so she feels important...such as the favors or to go with you to pick out flowers or cake...If she focuses on the job you give her she'll be less inclined to take over everything else...

If all else fails lay it on the table and say: I know that you're just trying to help, but this is my wedding and I feel like you're overstepping some boundaries...She's got to get the hint after that.

Answer 7

All mothers want to be there for their daughters weddings even if they are step,but you should nicely explain to her how you feel and if you 2 are not that close explain to your dad who can maybe tell her and take some off the stress off of you,if you don`t see that as a possibility then try not to let her in on details you think there may be a disagreement on or that really matter to you,atleast as few as possible,try to get everyone to remember this is supposed to be what you both want not what your family wants,good luck and congratulations!

Answer 8

If your step mom cares for you- she prob wants what is best for you- it might not be she likes the ideas- she just wants something better- I don't think she is trying to ruin your wedding- if you don't want her input-don't ask- if you haven't liked her ideas- don't use them - its your wedding.. but hey your lucky your own mom hasn't started yet on you..(LOL)

Regardless she is still part of your life & therefore apart of your wedding regardless of ones ideas- is your dad paying for his own tux- trust me I have been in your shoes. IF you want her to stop- Sit down and talk to her until you are blue in the face however fare- warning she will be insulted?? Hurt?? If your mother did the same thing- what would your answers be ?

Answer 9

This is your wedding. You should do what you want - what makes you happy. Hopefully it will be the only wedding you will ever have and you should not make compromises that will make you unhappy. Remind your mother-in-law that you didn't interfere in her marriage to your dad (unless you did) and that you appreciate her input, but that you are going to go with your original ideas because you feel it is too late in the game to change everything and that you like things the way they are. If you have to, remind her that it's your wedding, not hers.

Answer 10

Gently remind her of who's wedding this is. My own mother has a tendency to do the same thing with more than just wedding planning. Increase the intensity if gentle doesn't work. Weddings are like Burger King...you get to have them your own way.