why cant guys admit their true feelings for you?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but we have only been "together" for a month of that, since I have been deployed to Iraq. We are planning on moving in together when I get back, I just dont want to take such a huge step if I am not sure of how he really feels, what should I look for since he isnt speaking?

So this is to give everyone a little more info, we were both in relationship where our partner was unfaithful, so he is a lot more caustious as I am, but I seem to feel that every new person deserves a clean slate, he doesnt...so he carries this baggage into our "relationship", also if I dont move in with I will never get the chance to see if it will work out because I will be forced to move in with my parents across the country from him and I refuse to continue a long distance relationship and I cant afford to live on my own, work and go to school...I do love him and he knows I just cant get it out of him becasue he is scared to get hurt again...

Answer 1

Lindsay, I wouldn't do it. I was in the same boat with a girlfriend when I was deployed. It was a nightmare. Get to know the person better, what is the rush? Besides, you aren't going to like what I am about to say, but odds are, while the "cat" is away, the mice will play. Take your time, don't let anyone rush you. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Answer 2

Wow, first off - Thank you for serving our country! I appreciate your service in our armed forces and the sacrafices you make daily for all of us.

Men - they are a tough species to read sometimes...ahh, make that most of the time...it's that darn "Y" chromosone!

I think a lot of it is due to the fact that men are raised to be strong and all of that jazz, which is cool. BUT, sometimes that makes them hold back in speaking about how they feel.

Then, there is the whole 'rejection' thing....face it, nobody wants to feel rejected or be rejected. Some women are really into a guy, until the guy is into them, then, there is no persuit left in the game and they get bored and move on.

There is also the possibility that guys might think IF they profess their love, that the woman will automatically think this means 'lets get married.'

Moving in together - well it's a double edged sword. Lots of women think that if they move in with a guy they will see how he really is and then they'll know what it's like if they were married...not always true -
ie: Most people can put on a charade for 3 - 6 months while you live together...you know, stay in a pretty good mood, help out around the house/apartment as far as cleaning etc...act cool and what not...then, the act gets old and you see the real person and unfortunately, it ain't always pretty...
OR
There is something about someone you are dating that irks you, it could be something little, and you think that nasty little annoying habit might change once you live together....ooooh, very seldon so...unless it's putting the cap back on the toothpaste...and then even maybe not possible to change

People don't usually change a life-long habit - sometimes, but the percentage is very small.

I lived with a couple of guys in my life...from 1 month to 13 years...yup, I said 13 years...For 13 years, I lived with a guy because neither of us were actually ready to commit for a liftime...we knew we loved each other, but neither of us said it regularily - I didn't because he didn't and I didn't want to say it and not hear it back, or say it and have him say it because he felt he HAD to. Anyway, friends and family always asked - especially after a few years - we never broke up or seperated during this time - and we would both get uncomfortable and started announcing the date as "eventually"

We got married just shy of knowing each other for 14 years and living together for 13.5 years...nothing has changed really, it's still the same relationship it was after the first 6 months we were living together. Oddly, as time passes I find that we are more like friends than lovers...it obviously isn't all that odd, as many of my close friends who have been in long-term relationships confide the same feelings.

Moving in together can make or break a relationship, but in honesty, if the relationship is meant to be, it will work out.

Just go into it with your eyes wide open, try to have a discussion where you lay things out on the table -

Although it was very hard for me to do, I told my now husband so many years ago -

"If you are ever interested in being with someone else, please just tell me before you act on it (bed the girl down) - I won't be happy, and I might get upset or cry, but I promise I won't ever beg you to stay or try to change your mind. We'll split up and split whatever possessions we have evenly and fairly and you can go do your thing and I'll carry on. BUT if you EVER mess around and I get wind of it, so help me, I'll kick your sorry tail out so fast, it will make your head spin and I promise it will cost you financially. So, lets make sure we respect each other while we live under the same roof."

It's worked - my husband is very far from perfect - so am I. We do have our fair share of problems and we are about 50:50 in the blame department. There are no guarantees I can give you in many aspects of our life together, with one exception, I know he has never cheated on me. He knows that I would be true to my word in what we discussed so many years ago, and we do honestly respect ourselves and each other very much.

Hope this helps in some way.

Answer 3

Your adults so stop looking for signs and speak up! Tell the guy how you feel and ask him if he's down with it. Your gonna have to decide if you still want to be with him if he's not ready for such a big step. Try not to make it seem like an ultimatum.

Answer 4

If you're doubtful, why are you going to live w/him???? That's a question that you have to ask yourself and only can answer. I never recommend living together anyway w/out marriage. That always seems to be a commitment-less way to stay w/someone and receive benefits that only a married couple should have.
By the way, God bless you and you should be very proud of your services to this crazy country. I support the troops. It's close to home for me.

Answer 5

You and him are not on the same page. It will be hard, but focus on you and what you need to feel happy at this point in your life. You are fighting for your life in Iraq and certainly don't need to come back here and fight to receive love! Drop the boy and ask him to just be a friend for now!

Answer 6

His silence suggests self-protection and bodes ill for longevity in a relationship. You can't force feelings or make people conform to you, your needs. That's just a fact of live, honey. I'm sorry.

Answer 7

You're thinking of moving in together and you're not even speaking?!
Sounds like hes not ready for any kind of involvement let alone a deeper one.

Answer 8

Welll speak for him,because i don't hold back my feelings.So i don't know why you and a whole lot of others refer to "guys" when you should reffer to the person you're talking about.

Answer 9

Why don't we admit our true feelings?

Because how far would a guy get if he told you he just wanted your pu$$y and never wanted to see you again?

Answer 10

Until he says it you wont know for sure. Does he call daily? Only immature guys will not admit love.