Sneaky Mother in Law.? Meddles...meddles and meddles.Does this sound familiar?

Question

Then sits in the corner quietly like she could nt possibly be evil...look at me ; I am getting elderly!!
The manipulation and scheming begga belief....its almost like there is 3 of us in this relationship ...but the clever bit is how she disguises most issues so she appears totally "Innocent"!!
I have given her the benefit of doubt because she's mum in law...BUT getting sick of most problems between my partner starting this way.
Her meddling causes us a lot of problems and thinks having inside information on us ; she has a responsibility to inform my entire 'in law' family for discussion...NO!!!
I find some things to be husband and wife issues No?
Is this a mum having a hard time letting go?
Will she ever let go and let us get on with it?
Can I cut the apron strings before they strangle the relationship???...SHE'S DOING MY HEAD IN>>>help

Answer 1

my mother-in-law is wonderful has never interfeared....

Answer 2

Now just you calm down before you explode and the old dear has a genuine last laugh on you, ok she sounds a real sweetheart, not, have you got anywhere to go other than your own home to have a huge talk on this matter to your wife, have you a friend or relative who would be good enough to let you have an hour or so in their home so you can be away from the in-laws prying eyes and ears, you both really need to talk this through before she destroys what you both have together, for some reason mothers, fathers, in-laws and the like just seem to want to cause trouble between young married couples who have very little experience on these issues, why is she living with you both, isn't there anyone else who can take her for a month or forever or are you both the mugs she has walked in on and stayed with, it is your house and she has to play by your rules and if she does not like it then she has to be told its either that or nothing, you have to make your wife understand what pressures it is putting you both under and that by been apart for some mean person is not going to be helpful to either of you and the only winner if that were to happen would be the mean in-law, she has no right gobbing off to anyone about your personal issues with your wife, that is horrible and spiteful, you have to make a stand and play her at her own game, please try and find a way to talk to your wife away from her if possible, tell your wife how much you love her and that a third person in the relationship is not working for either of you, if she loves you she will surely understand that herself, god I am so glad I had a good mother -in-law and I so hope you get things sorted out and very soon.

Answer 3

Put your issues out in the open with her. She likely feels a need to be in control. She probably feels she can no longer control your partner directly and is trying to covertly get involved. If you confront someone like this they might become defensive, but you need to set up your boundaries. Keeping up a reasonable level of communication might be all the mother needs to back off. You're absolutely correct that some issues are husband and wife.

Often there are left over "family of origin" issues. Maybe your partner never really emotionally left home. Your partner may have trouble seeing the light because his/her mother has likely "always been this way". Your partner needs to understand too that his/her primary resonponsibility is to the marriage, not mother. Ideally parents should support a growing independent adult, but sadly this is not always the case.

Answer 4

If you really want your marriage to work out then let this go. There is nothing you can do to change the mother in law so chalk this up a petty on her part and let it go. Continue to treat her well but don't fall all over yourself. Don't expect her to act like your family. It sounds like your family is a little more mature and well adjusted than the environment he grew up in so just try to remember that. Remember, he loves her even with her flaws just as you would your parents. By the way regarding your working on your marriage, if you haven't seen it yet, can I recommend the movie Fireproof. It really is good if you open your mind and watch it all the way through. My husband has a rough exterior but even he said that all married couples should see this movie. Red

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Answer 5

Your issues as a couple are between ONLY the two of you. Your MIL can't know about a lot of these things unless someone is telling her. MIL might be having a hard time letting go, but that could be because your wife is still telling her things she probably shouldn't be discussing with her.

Start with asking your wife to stop telling her mother your personal business. If you wife is not telling her, find out who is. And if MIL lives with you, it's time to either inform her of her obligations as a "quiet guest" or help her find some other living arrangements. Your marriage comes first.

Answer 6

My ex mother in law was just like that. She liked to gossip to all her daughter in laws about eachother,talk crap and then try to act all innocent and blame us,especilaly me and anothor one, the third was her favorite and quite the b!tch. She would also do this crying thing so that people would feel sorry for her. I am soooo glad I'm not in that family any more. My ex was a mama's boy and in his mothers eyes he did no wrong, ever. This women was always in our business and it does seem like there is three people in the marriage. She would always tell the other family members her version of our business. You get what I mean? She would spy on me also. I feel for you dude. Good luck

Answer 7

I usually just let the time pass. If my mother-in-law continues to do what she's doing, so be it. If she realizes the damage she's causing, the better. As long as I do not do anything about it, I could come out clean, because I tried to do something about it and put everything in control but it came out wrong and I became the evil villain. If you don't care being the evil villain, well do whatever you want, but I suggest that just let the time go by.

Answer 8

You have to put a stop to her nonsense now.You mustn't let it ruin your relationship with your wife.Sounds as if she might be lonely,has she got a partner,if not try to pair her off with somebody or get her interested in some sort of hobby.It also sounds as if she may be living with you.Mistake No1 in that case.Get rid.What does your partner do about the situation?.There are a lot of questions here.

Answer 9

I had this exact same problem,my husband and I would not be together today if I hadnt stopped her,she convinced my husband to leave me and his children twice and had his head such a mess he didnt know up from down.I stopped the problem immediately,I went straight to the source and let her know I absolutely would not tolerate this crap anymore,I took her grandkids away from her and her son,now she can waller in her own grief,I strongly suggest you do the same cause more than likely she will ruin your relationship,put your foot down and hold your ground firmly

Answer 10

You are in a no win situation. Just mention to your wife that you
and her need to keep your business more private and watch
what you say in front of your mother-in-law.

Answer 11

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