how can i survive a talk about sex with my heavily christian mum when she knows i've been having it (I'm 16)

Question

my parents are heavily chirstian and so don't beleive in me having sex before marriage. I'm 16 and have a boyfriend, we've been having sex for about a month now. Last night my mum came to pick me up form y friends house randomly saying "we need to have a serious talk when we get home". I found out (after looking in my room) that she'd realised my diary so knows everything. How is she going to react? I'm scared she'll go and talk to my boyfriend and his parents.
Has anyone else gone through this?
or know what I can do or how I can get through the "serious talk"?

we use condoms. We always have safe sex.
last time she found out id' stayed over she spoke to his parents and then my dad really intimidated him.
I'm scared they're gonna talk and scare him again.
They can be really strict
and we were ready that's why we had it and why we're always protected ebcause we're not just horney teenagers with no sense!
I just need to know how to approach the conversation and if anyone is a parent/ teenager that's gone through the sort of same thing please?

Answer 1

whoa!!! i think i'm the 'black sheep' on this one!

you're only 16. you're a baby. you have no more business having sex at this age than the man in the moon.

you say you had 'safe sex'. rubbers break, sweetheart.

from the tone of your posting---you scared to death because you know you're busted.

if you can't do the time---don't do the crime.

your parents, as strict as they may be, only have your best interests at heart. and yeah, i'm betting that you think they're old fashioned and stupid. who would you turn to for help had that rubber broke and the boyfriend split?

you need to do some serious growing up. WHATEVER your mom says to you---take it. choke it back with a dose of bleach. DO NOT get in her face---she's the one whose right here---not you.

and about the diary? i raised four daughters. NOT ONE had an out of wedlock pregnancy---or caught any diseases. if the diary was out in the open where i could read it---i read it. it was MY *** that was on the line for anything stupid they may have done in those precious 'TEEN" years.

grow up. you're a whining brat. your folks don't deserve this heartache.

Answer 2

Well, you are not going to stop so that's not an option.
You say they are Christian, does that mean you're not? If that's the case why are you so worried about what they will say, you don't respect them anyway.

If you are then remember that there is a special place in Hell for fornicators and if yu die tonight guess what.

Now that's out of the way...

At 16 in the US it is illegal for anyone to have sex. You could be arrested and go to jail.
At 16 unless he's been taught the proper way of using condoms you could end up pregnant and then what? You murder your child because, oops you aren't ready? (if you are old enough to take the risk be prepared for this).
At 16 although you feel ready your body really isn't and you can harm yourself if you do become pregnant. Loss of bone mass, loss of teeth, etc.
At 16 you are still living at home and going to school and should if for no other reason than they feed and clothe you respect that they would prefer you not engage in sexual behaviours.

Now on the other hand. You are 16 and nearly grown and can tell them to piss off if you like. Show them just how grown you are and ignore their feelings.

But on the same token they have no right to treat you like a five year old.

So as you can see, being worried is not the biggest deal here, there are many things to take into consideration. Just remember who they are, who you are and that as human beings they need to treat you with respect as you need to treat them.

Good luck!

Answer 3

First off I am glad that you practice safe sex (even though condoms are only 50% safe). You must face the consequences of your actions. You knew how your parents feel about it, and you were a bit foolish for putting it in a diary. I never kept one for that reason. Just be honest and don't try to get upset and yell. If you remain calm (or do your best to) your parents will be calm as well. They will react to your emotions, do not be defensive or deny it. Admit to it and let them know everything, the more open and honest you are with them the better. They will see that you are acting mature about it and that is a good thing.
They will probably tell your boyfriends parents so be prepared for that talk as well. I am sorry to say but proud to admit that I have never gone through this as I was a virgin when I got married. Not by religous belief but by choice. I am glad I waited, it gave me something to look forward to on my honeymoon.

Answer 4

Although your mum invaded your personal space reading your diary ( I have mixed emotions on this one), she aparently was concerned about you. Perhaps there could be better communication between the two of you.
You obviously feel some guilt about having sex outside of marriage, but not enough to stop. You are wise only in the context of practicing safe sex.
If you're old enough to willingly participate in sexual activity, then you must be willing to accept the consequences of doing so.
You migt try asking yourself why you're having sex at 16.
Is it to be defiant?
Is it to "keep" this boyfriend, because he won't stay without having sex?
Is it because you want to be a teenage mom?
Your mom and dad don't want you to have sex outside marriage because they want to protect your heart. The intimate sexual relationship between a man and woman is much more than just "getting off". Even though you might be "in love" at this moment, the true test of love is much more than sex.
Please consider listening to your parents. They really do have your best interest in mind.
By they way, you might consider pursuing a more intimate relationship with Christ. He loves you more than any man ever will.

Answer 5

I sure wish I could find a way to get it through your head that you are making a mistake by not respecting your parents wishes and not listening to most any reasonable adult, who certainly has told you over and over not to be making such foolish moves at such a young age.
But, now that your into it... Safe sex is great, but almost always will lead to more risky behavior now that you have broke this barrier be watchful for less inhibition in your lifestyle.
You can never go back to holding hands now. Yes, you are close to the age of consent, but you robbed you parents as well of your innocence. I know that this is THE biggest generation period of your personal growth, yet it is also your parents final shot at being able to raise you in the standards they have given you your whole life!
You can't help being your own person, nor can you change the past BUT you can knock it off, cool your jets and be thankful you have two loving and moral parents giving you the best of them so you can be your best.
Best wishes, if your mother starts to tear as she talks to you please support her feelings first, then attempt to find a way you can right your own broke spirit. This is one of the single most difficult, awkward events parents and children ever have and always changes the balance for a while. Be patient and silent as possible and allow them time to adjust.

Answer 6

Hmmm. Well, since you're having sex in direct defiance of their rules, you've flat out lost that round. So, I suggest a fallback position: you have chosen to engage in pre-marital sex, but at least you are using condoms... unless your parents are Catholic, who believe that birth control is a mortal sin, in which case... I'd suggest preparing to emancipate yourself (finding a job, finding an apartment, etc. Check with a community legal advice service for further info) and moving out of your parents' house.
Not that I'm advocating you actually follow through before you're ready, I am making a strategic recommendation in case your main goal (living at home in relative peace with your parents) does not come to pass.
I do suggest that you get together with your boyfriend and have a very serious talk. Try to anticipate the tactics your parents will use, and prepare your defenses ahead of time. The fact of the matter is that, despite the legal definition of an adult as 18 years of age, you have proved that you are capable of engaging in sex responsibly; that is, with protection.
One suggestion: talk with your boyfriend about how you knew that it was time. Make a point of asking serious questions about your feelings for each other and yourselves, and answering honestly. If it is genuinely right for you to be together and you're not just using each other for physical pleasure, then there is nothing either set of parents can say or do, because they can't argue with a conviction as unshakeable as the faith they cleave to and tried to instill in you.
To be fair, they can still kick you out of the house, but you should be prepared for that, anyway.
But no matter what you do, I would definitely suggest a new hobby: cryptography. You would be amazed at how effective a simple double-substitution cipher can be at keeping your secrets secret from your parents...
Courage, Serenity and Wisdom to you.

Answer 7

You know that your parents being so religious, that they think that you are sinning, which you are. But besides that point, they may feel that their little girl has been robbed of her virginity. I see you have mentioned nothing of love for this boyfriend, which I hope you do. But being parents they probably don't see you with this guy for the rest of your life, even if you do. Parents don't ever want to let their children go, and it is hard for them to do so. I'm sure that they are just trying to look out for you. Have you tried to sit down and talk with them on your feelings about this boyfriend? Not a shouting match, but a good heart to heart talk.

I guess I'm like your parents though. You should have waited for marriage. But kids are going to do what kids want to do. As parent we can only talk to our kids and and hope they are listening.

Now I need to ask you a question. If this doesn't work out with this boyfriend, was loosing your virginity worth it, and are you going to be more promiscuous now that you have had sex? Maybe your parents are also concerned with this fear.

Answer 8

In the Vedic culture the best marriage is one at 16; at 18 is good; 22 is still good but at 25 is the worst. As later one gets married the more problems there will be in life. Thus, when a girl like you have a natural attraction to a boy already at 16 this can be a life long good relationship. But above all just promise to the parents that you will be good Christians.

Please, chant Hare Krishna and be happy.

Type in and visit "bhaktivedanta108" the first site in the google result.

Answer 9

Yes, when I was 16 my parents figured it out so I actually ran away from home before they could talk to me. I was really stupid of me. I went to my boyfriends and so his parents and my parents sat down and talked which was a bit better. My parents were mortified of course but they didn't say much later because they just didn't want to face it. They kind of avoided me. My mom would of course through it in my face everyonce in a while. I can't say how your parents will react but they will probably be more worried then anything. They don't want you to get pregnant and ruin your life or get your heart broken or let men use you. Also they don't like to think of their baby "doing it". Now that I am a bit older I realize that their is a reason God wants us not to have sex before marriage. For one thing it would be really rough to get pregnant and not be able to give that baby the life it deserves, God wants us children to have a good loving family. The next thing, the one I realized most strongly is that God knows how much we will get hurt when it doesn't work out. That guy that I went through all that 4 broke my heart and made me hard and jaded and feel like he didn't appriciate what I had given him.
I would also think that your parents biggest concern is for you salvation. Not that God won't forgive you but they will think that because you are having sex you don't believe in God anymore. I think that is the thing that they will really want know. I know I never stopped believing in God. I just wanted to do all the "fun" things that everyone else was doing.

Well it is just something you will have to get through. Just listen to them and try and understand what they are saying and try, if you can, to calm your fears.

But I also must say that I still do not think parents should go through their childrens things and read their diary.

Answer 10

Man! I would feel so angry anyway if my mum or anyone else read my diary!

First thing come to my head is don't show her that you are afraid of her talking to your boyfriend and his parents. If she knows it, she would be likely convinced by herself to do that just to "give you a lesson." ( that is from my experience with my parents )

You are 16, it is obviously your parents will concern very much about you having sex life before adulthood. I think the best way I would do is trying to ask them respect your decision, tell them it would only drive you away if they don't give you any space to breath.

It is not going to be easy either way, but from what I can see: it is a birth pain before you grow up and leave the family and have your own life!

So, don't be discouraged no matter what they said. You will have your chance to have your owned life! Also, no matter how people judge you, remember God loves you more than you thought.