let it be new.
2006-08-08 20:53:01 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
when i see the stars i see u when i see the sun i see u when see the moon i see u So plzzz get out of my way u r blocking the view!
2006-08-11 02:44:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Fractured Science"
{Collection of excerpt from school essays.}
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Equator: a menagerie lion running around Earth through Africa.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - A, E, I, O, and U.
2006-08-08 21:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by ettezzil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If ur world id spinning round n round and.......
Ur heart is beating fast,
Do u think its love.....??????
noooo.....
Its called High BP!!!!!
I lay in my bed... luking @ the sky... the twinkling stars.. the beautiful moon.... the endless horizon.... n then I wonder.... where the heck is my roof?!?!?!?!
This is not fair! How culd u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole channel on your name and didn't even tell me?!!!...........
Animal Planet!!!!!!!!
To lead a life, 1 needs:
brain,intelligence, ability, talents,personality, character etc. Im proud of u dat u manage widout any of them!!!!
2006-08-08 22:30:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The definition of TRUE BRAVERY : To reach home late, drunk after a boys' night out, to find wife waiting with broom & you ask, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere ?"
2006-08-08 21:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A sign in a factory: Girls wearing long skirts-beware of machines. Girls wearing short skirts-beware of machinists.
"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep!
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!
"Alcohol kills slowly" So what? Who's in a hurry?
Alcohol can ruin a marriage - stay single!
"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk!
"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours!
God made relatives Thank God we can choose our friends.
My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really miss him!
God is Alive! Speak to Him! (It's cheaper after six!)
When two's company, three's the result!
Confucius say...Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
Confucius says...If you want pretty nurse, you've got to be patient.
SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
STYLE: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
HUNGER: Condition produced by five minutes of continuous studying.
MONEY MANAGEMENT: A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
HAPPINESS: To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
MARRIAGE DECISIONS: Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
MARRIAGE and THE FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband; a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN: There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy... - One is to let her think she is having her own way. - The other is to let her have it.
MISTAKES: Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.
THE BATTLE: A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I said, "Where's the car?" She said," In the lake."
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Young Son: Is it true Dad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "and what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all -money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out...
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
2006-08-08 22:23:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MEN!
Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause... Did you ever notice how all problems begin with MEN!
2006-08-08 21:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by Stars-Moon-Sun 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amen to Stars-Moon-Sun
2006-08-08 21:17:50 · answer #7 · answered by CuervoBMed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
What the definition of suplies?
A chinese man jumping out of the cuboard.
Lol :)
2006-08-08 21:13:52 · answer #8 · answered by Purplgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
2006-08-10 21:02:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Husband asked her Wife
I am boring, tell me any matters without my involvement
Wife chat about her childrens
2006-08-08 20:59:03 · answer #10 · answered by Devar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋