Should son be responsible for paying the repair cost?

Question

I'd like your opinion on this. Our 21yr old son accidentally hit a post and damaged our car while on a road trip with his friends. We give him use of our car, pay his insurance coverage and gas. I realize it was an accident, but I feel we should have him pay for the repair by reimbursing us once he's employed ( He's a full time student and not employed at this time). I feel it's important to show him that as an adult he needs to take responsibility for his actions, and should not cost US financially. His father on the other hand doesn't think we should ask him to pay since he's still a dependent. What do you think?

Why is it that I am being criticized here? I'm the one that doesn't want to baby hime, I'm saying he needs to take responsibility. It's his father who disagrees with me.

Answer 1

I think you should ask him to pay...because your right he does need to start learning how to take responsibility. I'm not sure that I would send collectors after him...but I would hold him accountable. He's 21...I'm 22 and if I woulda damaged my parents car you can better believe i'd be paying for it...weither they asked or not. But what better time to start teachin some more valuable life lessons...

Answer 2

It is definitely her responsibility. Sure, accidents DO happen, but if you accidentally run someone over with said car, you're still going to jail for manslaughter. So - You have three options. 1. Forget about ever getting the money from her. Trying to force the issue is likely to only lead to bad blood between neighbors (although it seems there all ready is some, and that she's the one causing it). 2. Sue. Small claims court could get your money back, and perhaps reimburse the the insurance company (to clear your record), and it should pay for your lawyer, so you'd probably come out scott free. 3. If the boy is old enough, "hire" him to do yard work around your house until the debt is paid in full. Of course, the mother would have to agree to the terms, and it sounds like this woman might not be willing to do that (since they didn't even help you clean up the broken window in the first place). However, she might be amenable to the solution if she thinks that you're trying to be nice and using this step before you consider actually taking her to court. Whatever you decide to do, good luck! It sounds like it's going to be an uphill battle no matter what you decide to do.

Answer 3

Funnily enough, I think you need to find out what your son thinks -- and then it's appropriate to do the opposite.

For example, if your son shirks responsibility and doesn't feel like he should pay for this accident, you are clearly right and he does need to be taught responsibility. He needs to learn how to get by in the 'real' world without his parents. If he doesn't learn it now, then when?

On the other hand, if he feels really bad and is willing to pay you when he has money, maybe he's already learnt as much as he needs to from you and your husband -- he already understands his responsibilities and will get by just fine. In this case, if you have money, and he doesn't, and you want to help him out, I think it would be perfectly okay.

I know that sounds a bit weird, but isn't it all about preparing your children to be self-sufficient? If he's not yet self-sufficient, maybe he needs to be taught a few more lessons, like you suggest. Otherwise, give the poor kid a break and go down your husband's route.

Answer 4

He's 21? and you still pay for all that crap? Not to be offensive ma'am, but the time has long past for him to care for himself. College or not.

And in my opinion, you might as well follow your husband's advice at this point. Anything else will cause the young man to develop a deep sense of (no real word can describe this) disgruntlement towards you for NOT taking care of him.

Here is what you should have done three years ago: given him a cash allowance (this is generous coming from me) so that he could spend it as he liked. If he ran out of money and couldn't make payment on the car, or insurance, or whatever, then tough love...oh well sonny, you are not driving. Put the car on blocks.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope I didn't anger you with my answer, because that is not my intent. But honestly, you are holding his hand and protecting him waaayyyy too much, and by doing so you have impeded his growth, not helped him mature.

Answer 5

i think that once he has a job and sees the value of a dollar, he will want to help you out. Therefore having him commit to paying part or all of the damage is a great idea. I am currently a full time student and would offer to help my parents with the cost of repairs if i had the means. I wonder if there is not some other way that he could repay you while he is in school. Perhaps he could get a part time job- like 6hrs per week to show effort.

Answer 6

Yes. Does your husband think it's cruel or mean to make a 21year old adult take responsibility? Have the work done and work out a "payment plan" with your son when he has a job, something manageable, but it's not about the money. Just because he's your dependent doesn't mean he shouldn't have any responsibility. Your husband is only doing his son a disservice by not letting him grow up.

Answer 7

To be honest, I think not only should he pay for the repairs but he should also pay for his own insurance (or part of the whole bill) and definitely the gas when he's using the car and half of the regular maintenance. You're right he does need to take responsibility or else he'll always think mommy and daddy's gonna be there to bail him out.

Answer 8

I would have him do chores around the home. Set up an agreed
hourly rate, and deduct each thing he does as he completes it.
This will teach him what it is going to be like in the working world.
As well as give you and your husband a little break around the place. Just be honest about the set wage, and make sure you
both keep track of start and finish times.
Good Luck and I hope he does well in college.

Show him all the answers you got and he will see how many people agree with you.

Answer 9

I am 21, and I would be disappointed if my parents would not help me with money, and i am also a full time student and it is big responsibility, trying to to something with your future!!!
Maybe it is his mistake but I guess he doesn't have accidents every day, so he did it just this time...OK be more carefull next time...if it happends more than once than you should ask him to pay....
You should find a better way in showing his that he is adult then taking money from him, monwy he doesn't have.....

Answer 10

If he is 21 he should have to pay, even if he has to pay you every month a certain amount, it's his responsibility, he is an adult. You are the one that is right about this, for your husband: Stop treating your adult son like a baby. Listen to your wife she is right about this.