I am in a relationship with a woman (38) who lives in L.A. I live 100 miles away. She has a friend (male) who is very wealthy, and likes to be surrounded by pretty women. She often goes on his yacht with her girlfriends. She has a good time when she goes, and enjoys going from club to club with him and her friends in his limousine. I have never met this person. This weekend, my girlfriend is attending a birthday for one of her girlfriends at a nightclub where this guy is buying bottle service for $2,000.00 and having a private table. Only women are invited, but most certainly some of his friends will show up. She intends to go, over my objection. Is this disrespectful? If we are in a relationship, should she be attending these functions where I am not invited, so that this guy can feel important by having my girlfriend participate (nonsexually) in his harem? Should she decline the invitation out of respect for me, or is it normal to serve herself up for this guy's pleasure?
2006-08-08 17:48:07 · 33 answers · asked by Steve D 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I'm not even going to put into words what she is. Tell her that you need respect and if she can't provide you with it then adios.
2006-08-08 17:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether your gf met her friend before or after you, she has made a commitment (hopefully a sincere one) to you. She should know that responsibility comes with this. If this guy is an old buddy, you have every right to wonder why there has been no introduction. Don't buddies do that?
What about these other girls? Do you know any of them? Are any of them honest enough to at least give you some insight into what the ****** deal is?If I were you, this would be a deal-breaker.
And don't kid yourself, she is not altruistic in any conceivable fashion. She is filling a need to play, this desire has never included you, and in fact, she knows this pisses you off and she does it anyway. So borrow some of the callousness she has, and leave the *****.
2006-08-08 18:17:00 · answer #2 · answered by dollbrains 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, technically you're not married to her and can't tell her what to do, but I see that there are some serious, serious problems here and it is EXTREMELY disrespectful. The main clue is "over your objection." I would perhaps make one more effort in talking about this with her, and then move on.
This is a TEST for you, whether or not you will remain wimpishly silent and allow her to get away it. It could be that she might appreciate your being very firm and then your relationship will become better. However, I wouldn't expect it.
2006-08-08 18:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there some particular reason you NEED her to be with you instead? Have you invited her for a romantic weekend? or are you just a jealous controlling jerk? Think about it and let us know. She is a grown woman and can choose for herself what she wants to do...you are, after all, not even in town!! Would you prefer she stay at home crying over YOU? puh-LEEZ. Woman don't tolerate this sniveling whiny behavior...Uh, NOT in America! Put your "Big Boy" Panties on and DEAL. If you don't like it get someone who is 2 blolks away and doesn't have any exciting friends to hang out with...so she can babysit you 24/7.
2006-08-08 17:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by Marlin Darlin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like the jealous type.
If you really do believe that she really isn't involved with the guy, then it's none of your business.
The problem is that you just can't believe that a woman and a man can "just be friends". That is YOUR problem. Not hers.
You need to figure out why this threatens you so much and come to some resolution.
2006-08-08 17:52:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should trust her, but she is being disrespectful. If she's committed to you, then she should be comfortable having you around her friends (especially if there are other guys there). Ask her if you can go to some of these events with her sometime.
2014-08-22 05:37:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... let's review the situation. (1) She has a friend who you consider to be a bit of a cad. (2) She spends time with him unaccompanied by you. (3) She is NOT participating in any sexual activities outside of your relationship. (4) You ASSUME that she spends time with this man out of a desire to be a "part of his harem" and to "serve herself up for this guy's pleasure". (5) You ASSUME her choice to continue this friendship is a sign of disrespect.
(1) She's a big girl and is completely allowed to befriend whomever she wishes. You are ALSO all grown up and can choose to disassociate yourself from a person whose social circle you find to be undesirable or otherwise unacceptable. You may not enjoy the kind of person he is or that she does not distance herself from him because of an alleged moral imperative you think she ought to recognize, but you can't expect her to live her life by all of your standards and pick her friends by your measuring stick simply because she's your girlfriend.
(2) Not everyone feels the need to do EVERYTHING with their significant other. If she sometimes likes to "do her own thing", then don't step in her way. She still has the right to be involved in activities independent of the relationship. It's not "wrong" or "disrespectful" of her to enjoy occasional socializing sans YOU. Now... just as much as she has the right to her "free time", you have the right to step away from the situation if you can't handle it. Find a girl who will WANT to do everything with you. Don't expect this woman to change a warranted behavior just because it makes you uncomfortable.
(3) and (4) Why would YOU disrespect her by insinuating that her admitted platonic involvement with this man is really nothing more than a superficial boost to her self-worth, that her decision to associate with this person is nothing more than a tasteless attempt to "serve herself up" to him? If YOU have unfounded trust issues with this woman, don't make HER the villain. If YOU think that she has ulterior motives but have no rational basis upon which to make that assumption, then it is YOU who needs to either do a little introspection and leave external blame out of it OR confront her with your suspicions and accept the consequences.
(5) It is not discourteous to maintain a social life beyond the boundries of an intimate relationship. It is not rude to uncompromisingly live by ones own standards. It WOULD be rude if she spent time with that person with the sole intention of pissing you off, but as this is not the case, she is entitled to associate with whomever she chooses. It is ALSO not unjustified to end a relationship with a person whose social circle you cannot tolerate.
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"Is this disrespectful?"
Basic answer: No.
2006-08-08 18:49:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i have been there before ok i have really good guy friends and i kept the ones umy boyfriend shouldngt feel threathend. but if she goes and doesnt invite you that is plain disrespectful. because if he was a true friend he wouldnt mind if you came. but if he does then there is something going on. she will have so many excuses it is just covering up something. been there done that and that is why i know. but seriously if she is doing that cutg your losses now. Seriouly!!!!!
2006-08-08 17:54:45 · answer #8 · answered by my_precious_wyatt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u are unnecessarily getting worked up.. 1. she is an invitee her self, so she can not invite you... 2. she enjoys his company and others...3. u must be a sober fellow...4. she thinks u r just a friend...and u think she is your girl friend... start ignoring her because she must be treating u as a pass-tine ... however think carefully...but don't get it to your heart.. and wreck your brain
2006-08-08 17:57:55 · answer #9 · answered by pali@yahoo.com 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it..is that the kind of women you wanna spent the rest of your life?
Dump her..its painful but time heals..so many nice women out there who deserves your love..
2006-08-08 17:56:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋