Have you ever had to cut contact with family?

Question

To explain the whole background to the story would take quite a lot of space. So I will summarise the bare bones of what is happening.
Husband and I had a falling out with his sister last year. Basically her friend who was living with us told the sister a lot of lies about us (things we supposedly said and did) and the sister starting texting me with abuse, threatened to bash me etc etc. So we have not spoken with her since.
Last night husbands brother texted us out of the blue and started abusing me, saying horrible things about me. We had not even seen/talked to him in over a month as he lives interstate. Now he is threatening us.
We have done nothing wrong, and husbands parents have said they agree that we have done nothing wrong, that the 2 kids are on drugs and causing trouble. So we have decided to cut contact with the family with the exception of the parents.
Has anyone else ever had to do this? How did you go when it came time for major family events?

Answer 1

Yes, after agonizing for years over my decision, I cut contact with my mother in order to protect my children and myself. When I did, the rest of my family cut off contact with me. This was a very painful loss; however, 14 years later I can still tell you that I made the right decision for myself and my situation.

I have not attended any family events focused on my immediate family; however, I have attended some family events focused on extended family members without having contact with immediate family members and it has worked out fine.

After the initial family estrangement, I rebuilt new family and holiday traditions for my children and myself, with a "family of choice". It was difficult at first; however, after a few years, the new traditions felt like actual traditions and they were far better than the ones I had with my "family".

Good luck.

Answer 2

It is possible to live your life having no contact with siblings. Everydaylife can seem more simple that way. What you really feel about not having contact with them is another matter, and if one want to cope with it, it is possible some day to have a family-meeting where one meet and talk things through when all can hear. All are honest and wants a positive outcome. I really do think that on long term this must be a possibility. People change and being not included (as these two siblings are) is even harder than being on the inside (as you and your husband are). The longer time it takes, the harder the feelings get.

The time might not be right for this yet though, and coping with the stress of not having contact with familymembers can be hard - even if you dont think about it daily. It shows when an event comes up when you have to meet. Christmas or easter or birthday or whatever. If you have to meet during this time, you can be polite and kind of cold. You can agree in advance that for parent's sake you can manage this. It must be very, very sad for parents to vitness this between their kids. Very sad. They are strong though when they actually support you. Remember to thank them for this one day.

Good luck and best wishes to you. I hope it works out eventually.

Answer 3

Yes only once and things have never been the same i am sure this might be a common problem - A few years ago when my mother died to cut a very long story short the illness leading up to her death and the sorting of the estate, even family members i can honestly say that you can never really know a person, and the most upsetting thing next month i am getting married and some of my family wont be there, so yes life can be hard and people including family can make it even harder

Answer 4

I know that my sister has also put me in this situation a number of times, and yes you could decide to cut contact with them but when it comes to family events that is a tough thing to do. I suspect though that brother and sister are not going to make a scene around the parents though. I would just go there expecting the worst but hope for the best.

Answer 5

I actually had this done to me by my father, and while it was devastating at the time, I realized later it was the best thing he could have done. He was emotionally abusive and I was a major victim, now that I have time and distance from it I realized it wasn't my fault. Sometimes people in your family are not good people to be around, somtimes they are toxic and make your life worse...

Make your own family. Find people that treat you as you deserve. Make your own family functions and important traditions. Just suggestions that have worked for me.

Answer 6

I ut contact with my family because it was the sane and sensible thing to do. I do not go to family events. I do not regret doing what I knew was the right (sane and sensible) thing.