When children on Y!A ask questions about sex, why do most answerer's say to wait for marriage?

Question

Such a double standard, considering that 95% of all the people trying to tell these kids to wait, did not wait until marriage themselves, so they are hypocrits. And everyone knows that kids are not going to wait until marriage, so what's the point in giving a useless answer like "wait until you are married', when they could give the child real resources to learn about sex and their body, so they can make real decisions? Smart informed decisions? Why make the children feel badly about something that is part of their life by telling them to wait for some magical time that even you, yourself, the flawed answerer didn't even wait for?

Some great answers, but what's with the people saying they regretted pre-marital sex? I think if you regret having sex, you are doing it wrong to begin with. No one should condone children having sex, but why not give them a real answer? Why propgate a fairy tale that everyone knows is untrue?

Answer 1

I totally agree with you ... it's better to tell them the true, and tell them maybe to wait for the right moment (which it's not marriage)

Answer 2

Yo, mister--don't you preach to me about things you know nothing about. I waited until AFTER I got married and I'm glad I did. The REASON older people tell kids to wait until they get married is for the plain and simple reason that you are still children. Children should not be raising children. You are only young once and childhood is so short to begin with. In a blink of eye, you are out of high school and thrust into the real world. Are you ready to face the challenges of parenthood? Why should a girl of 14--or lets be bold about this and give her until 17 or 18 for her to become pregnant or run the risk of contracting HIV or herpes. And what about a boy creating a life when he is a mere child himself? How will he earn a living to sustain a young wife and the coming baby? Have you even thought how much an apartment costs these days? You have to pay the gas and electric. God forbid they shut off your electric for nonpayment. What would you do without your electronic games and such? There's your water bill. Have you gone grocery shopping with your parents to know how much that costs? Some people pay more for their food than they do for the mortgage in one month. Oh, and let's not forget the doctor bills. Will you have a job that offers excellent healthcare benefits? or will you burden society and go on the welfare role? They don't talk much about this, but ask any nurse and she'll tell you women and children do die during childbirth. And when the baby comes, will it have all its fingers and toes? And if it doesn't, what will you do? Do you know how much the much needed formula costs? On average, you will change your babies diaper at least 90 times a week and that's no exaggeration. Newborns go to the doctor every week in the first month and every 2 the next month and once in the third month and vice versa. You get the picture? This costs money even if you have health insurance because you will probably have to pay a copayment.

Don't let me get started on STDs. We know the one that could be the kiss of death. Have you watched a person wither away from that?

Your rant makes me wonder if you can make an informed decision. "Why make the children feel badly about something that is part of their life. . ." The key word you used here was "children". Children should not be having sex. Why is there such a rush to experiment with things not meant for children? Having sex does not make you grow up. You will not become this person who attains the answers to lifes most pressing questions once you've had sex. You will be damaged. Enjoy your youth. Experience freedom and good health. You get to be young for a very short 18 years and then life will grab you by the balls and there is no escape from responsibiltiy. And as the years go by, adulthood is the most painful experience. Do not rush into this.

Answer 3

My husband and I waited to have sex until our wedding night. It was very hard, because we loved each other very much. We still do (after 5 years of marriage). I wanted to give my body only to my beloved, and give it to him whole, unused, unbroken by the failed promises of any other man. I wanted my heart to yearn for him alone, to be able to trust that he would not use me and run. I wanted my mind to be free from regrets of having let another man take what should only have been given to my beloved. Our relationship now does not have the baggage of past relationships, there is nothing between us, like the comparative memory of other bodies. This is the "romantic" part of my answer. As to all the other kids not waiting, why are you so patronizing? I mean, it's insulting to treat kids like they are animals which can't control their biological instincts. If you treat someone as if they are worthless, don't they eventually come to think that they really are, and then to act upon that belief? This is the same thing. Everyone keeps telling kids that they are brainless animals, and some begin to buy into it. It's not true, you know. As for resources, what do you mean? A banana and a condom? That's not love, and sex is made for love. You can get plenty of good quality resources (whether you mean biological, emotional, spiritual, et.c) at the bookstore. So, i'm not really sure what you meant by that. As far as marraige being magical, no one said it is. Your just being cynical (but that's okay, everyones entitled to a little of that). What marraige is (or should be) is a safe guard for the heart and for the family. Statistically, couples who enter marriages as virgins (or 'secondary virgins) have a much higher rate of fidelity (faithfulness) and successful marriages, with happier children and a MUCH lower rate of divorce. But you can't get all that when you bind yourself emotionally, spiritually and physically to multiple partners. That is why people, even hypocrites tell you to wait. I agree that adults should be open and candid with answers, which is what i tried to do

Answer 4

Yes, if the advisor says wait for marriage when they themselves didn't wait then they are hypocrites. That doesn't negate the wisdom of what they said, it throws discredit upon themselves and the choice they're advising of but the fact is: having sex with someone outside of marriage is not the best choice.

Waiting for marriage means avoiding the pain of too many partners, loss and rejection, a greater possibility of catching a disease, unwanted pregnancies.

Why do people want to grow up so fast? Have sex so soon? Could it be that they're missing something and wrongly think that sex will fulfill that need?
The something missing is spiritual not physical, though people believe it to be physical.

Answer 5

What is the alternative? Condone it? Encourage it?
At some point in their adult life it will become important to them how and when they had their first experience. They are not mature enough as children to make a rational decision that will set well with them in adulthood. These kids don’t have the first clue who they are going to become as adults, and you would encourage them to engage in activities that could have life long mental and/or medical repercussions?
Sounds innocent until they get pregnant or infected with and STD like AIDS or Herpes. We tell them to wait until marriage because they will have matured enough to make appropriate decisions by then, not because we want to be hypocritical or a killjoy.
Its not even about marriage, its about maturity. A sex act between two mature and responsible people in whatever relationship, or even the absence of a relationship is choice that brings pleasure into both of their lives even if briefly. Sex between two immature kids is just them using each other for the mutual façade of maturity or belonging or whatever their hormones are telling their irrational brains that they need. It lacks purpose because as they mature they will become wholly different people than when they started their relationship.

Answer 6

Personally give them the facts they want but also advise them to wait, not necessarily until marriage but at least until they reach legal age. It may be hypocritical but I hate seeing them make the same mistakes I did when I was very young. Also it would be very painful to them to have their sex partners arrested as sexual predators.

Many other answerers have religious qualms about saying anything that may encourage premarital sex. I would rather they gave complete information but I'm usually just thankful that they don't mislead or insult the kids. I hate to say it but I have heard well-meaning "Christians" tell teens that sexual feelings are an evil temptation that will lead them into hell. The responders on YA seem to really care about the kids, they just don't want to see them sexually active at such a young age.

Answer 7

I am one of those people that tell children to wait until marriage. I never had a child until I was married 5 years.
The reason I tell them that and explain to them that the risk of sexual transmitted diseases is extremely high and so is pregnancy. I see young mothers that can't get jobs because they have no education. Dropped out of school when became pregnant. Father of baby takes off - no child support unless a court steps in. I see young single mothers (under 25) with 2-3 children all from different fathers. So people smarten up and grow up.

Answer 8

I think it's everyone's responsibility to just be informed. It's not so much about waiting until you're married anymore, it's about finding the right person, and the right moment. For some, that is after they are married. For others, it's way before. First of all, everyone needs to understand their bodies and how the feel sexually, then they need to understand the needs of others and respect them. Make informed decisions, whether it's waiting or not. What's right for some isn't right for all...

Answer 9

Yeah but you also need to tell them what His Word says about sex and marriage. Nobody is perfect and if they known then what they know now they too might would have waited till they were married. Still it is there choose. Not the parents they are to just tell them what they know and hope that they will make the right decision. There is lots of reasons why we should wait. Look it up in your Bible. It is better to marry than to burn in lust. It;s better to do what is pleasing and right unto the Lord, than to be a fool in bed. Marriage is a covenant that one make to another becoming as one.

Answer 10

The first thing to remember is that just because YOU apparently didn't wait until marraige, it doesn't mean everyone else didn't as you are implying. Waiting for marriage is a good thing. The American Journal of Sociology reports that "Teenagers who pledge to remain sexually abstinent until marriage are 34 percent less likely to have sex than those who do not take virginity vows." Organizations such as True Love Waits exist to help promote the message of abstinence.
Many may ask, “Why is it important to be abstinent” or "Why wait to have sex until marriage?" One of the answers is fairly simple - because the Bible says so. Some might respond - "the Bible tells us not to do many things that we do anyway, for example getting piercings, growing hair long, and getting tattoos." While this is true, and many believe that tattoos, piercings, and long hair are not sinful, there are some Christians who do question if Christians should do such things.

What is important to this subject, however, is that many of the commandments in the Bible were not created because God wanted to keep us from having a fulfilling life, but rather because He wanted to help us to live healthy and productive lives.

For example, during Old Testament times it was dangerous to have piercings and tattoos as they were potentially life threatening and unhealthy. Eating certain animals in those days was also unhealthy as they did not have modern scientific methods of sterilization and preservation to make them safe. For example, eating pigs was particularly dangerous because of poor cooking practices back then. In fact, eating undercooked meat is still dangerous today.

The important point from this example is to remember that biblical rules are meant for our protection, and not just to ruin our fun. The question then stands – is premarital sex dangerous or unhealthy for us in these modern times and in our contemporary culture?

Below are links to articles discussing various viewpoints on premarital sex:

Answer 11

I dont answer sex questions if the asker seems like a minor and usually they do. As far as the "double standard" goes. Ive done many things in my life I regret doing, that were no good for me. What a jerk I would be if I told my child or any child or anyONE for that matter to go ahead and do it. I did drugs, should I tell someone to go ahead and do them? What if I murdered someone? It's easy to claim "double standards" or "hypocrisy" when you hear someone say "you shouldn't do that" instead, listen to people who have experienced whatever someone wants to do that is harmful. You cant really SAY something is bad or good if you have never experienced it.