Is it ok to teach my son to punch another in the face?

Question

Every time my son plays with our next door neighbor, he gets bitten. Sometimes the mark lasts 2 weeks. Both kids are 2 1/2. He usually cries and runs to us. We are trying to teach him to defend himself by yelling, pushing, or punching in the face. My neighbor (the kids mom) caught wind of this and is very upset with me saying she thinks it's horrible to teach a kid to purposefully hurt another. What do you think?

Answer 1

At the risk of having people go berserk on me, I'll tell you what I taught my daughter on the first day of school: "If anybody hits you, hit them back twice as hard, but NEVER hit first. When the teacher calls on you, tell her to call your mother." It worked. She never was hit (I believe because of her confidence, knowing that she could properly defend herself) and she never hit once. Could be because she's such a docile child, but my little advice worked like a charm. Of course, being 2 is a whole different story. If it were my kid, I just wouldn't let him play with the biter. If the biter's mom asks what's going on, which she probably already will know exactly what's going on, you can tell her the truth. Plain and simple. "Your child's been biting mine and we just can't afford to risk his health like that" I'm sure you're aware that a human bite can be deadly. Her kid is purposefully hurting yours and she's not doing anything about it. What leg does she have to stand on? She's a hypocrite if you ask me! Avoid the biter, find new friends! Oh, and don't tell the biter that he's a 'bad boy' - sheesh. Talk about old school.... Good luck!

Answer 2

As a preschool teacher, I could not condone your method. I understand that you get frustrated when another child hurts yours, but teaching him to be agressive back is hardly the correct response. You don't want to teach your son to be a bully... At two and a half, this is the way toddlers deal with situations. Sometimes they bite when they can't use words to deal with their own frustrations. A much better way of teaching your son to deal with the neighbor child is to teach him to tell the other child "No biting!" and walk away. This way you aren't teaching him to engage in a fight. He has firmly told the other child what it is that he doesn't like, and moved out of harms way- without provoking another fight. Teaching your son to hurt others in retaliation will certainly not help his social skills. Then HE will be the one others will avoid. If the neighbor child is at your house to play, tell him as he enters the house your expectations. "I expect you to use your gentle hands, feet and mouth when you are here." If he bites, you say, "We bite food, not people." and send him home- "You'll have to try again tomorrow to play nicely." Talk to the other mom... perhaps her son is also biting other people. Let her know when it happens with your son, but also realize that they are TWO. These things happen and it is up to his parents to help him gain impulse control. You can help by being consistent... if he bites, he goes home- no more playing for the day. Kids are smart- he'll get the idea pretty quickly. Kids figure out the different rules for different settings fast... I couldn't tell you how often over the years of teaching that I have heard from parents, "We can't get him to do that/stop that at home!" It's not that teachers have some kind of magic wand or something, they just have expectations- and make the children stick to them.

Answer 3

Of COURSE it's wrong to teach a 2 1/2 year old child to hit. Take a step back from the situation and listen to yourself! HONESTLY!

How in the world would a 2 1/2 year old know how to identify a so-called "self defense" situation? That is ridiculous to expect him to be able to tell the difference. If you teach him to hit, guess who he'll hit when he's upset for ANY reason - YOU! And when he eventually goes to pre-school or kindergarten and he's hitting the other children, guess who is going to get the upset calls from the teacher and the other parents - YOU!

Instead, teach him to leave the situation and run to an adult and tell them. This other boy needs to learn not to bite. To do that, he needs better supervision. He needs to be rewarded when he's playing nicely. These boys shouldn't be expected to work it out themselves. They're much too young for that. At their age, they should just be learning how to share and play nicely - not learning self-defense!!!

You seriously need to attend some parenting classes if teaching your child to hit is the best solution you have.

Answer 4

My daughter is 2 1/2 and she gets rough occasionally. Most times they just don't understand what they are doing. Your neighbor should make sure that her kid understands that biting can hurt and he needs to take it down a notch. I would not be teaching him self-defense at this point. It's probably just a stage.

Answer 5

well there's nothing wrong in teaching your kids how to defend themselves when they are at the apporiate age to do so but i think that maybe you should take control of the situation and not let your little one play with that child.....i don't think that teaching a 2 year to punch someone in the face is very appropriate because they are too young, in my opinion, to understand that you only do this if you need to defend yourself...he might end up punching some little kid for not sharing thinking that he is "defending" himself.....besides kids that young should be supervised when playing with others....he shouldn't have to come running to you to tell you that someone hurt him you should see it in front of your face.....i would never let my 2 year old play outside or at another person's house without me present....so instead of teaching him how to be violent towards others at such a young age maybe you should put an end to their playing or supervise them better.....teach him how to defend himself when he becomes of school age and is able to understand what the word "defend" means when you explain it to him......good luck

Answer 6

Be prepared to visit your child's school alot for fighting issues. Yelling, teaching him to say NO loudly, would be the best method.

Tell the neighbor that her kid's biting problem is unacceptable and she needs to do something about it or your children won't be playing with eachother.

Answer 7

Biting is actually age-typical behavior.

If you teach him to hit now, you're going to have your hands full when he starts school. Hitting in school (even if it's in self-defense) is not allowed. He will end up getting suspended, etc.

I'm with the other kid's mom. But if you know your kid is going to get hurt, don't allow them to play together until the neighbor outgrows the biting thing.

Answer 8

Rather than teaching him something that could get him in trouble in the long run just don't let him play with the little shark. Obviously the kids mom isn't providing appropriate supervision.

Answer 9

Wrong. That is why there is so much violent teens out there. They were taught at an early age it is okay to fight.
Don't let your son play with the other child.
If the other child asks why tell him that he is a bad boy for biting and you will not have your son hurt anymore.
Tell the mother in no uncertain terms that her son is not allowed near yours until he is taught properly.

Answer 10

My daughter is often got punched and pushed by other older babies. she will aslo cry and run to me.

i ever had this thought like yours on my mind that is to teaching her to defend herself by pushing or punching them back so that they won't ever bully her again cos she can fight back!

however, i'm not sure this is a good idea. instead, i'd teach her to protect herself from the voilence such as be more aware of the bad kids, act brave, warn them not to ever do it again, don't cry, walk away and ignore them.
and always tell parents/teachers about it.