thoughts on adoption * from adoptees about birth parents and wishes for a future relationship with birth fam.?

Question

would like to know what adoptees really think and feel. Adoptive (or potential)adoptive couples feelings. Threat? hurt? anything from real life experience would be nice. I'm trying to put things in their place. I placed ababy 14 years ago, and STILL hurt.

Answer 1

i was adopted when i was a month old. my mother was a teenager and her parents didn't support her being pregnant at all. my father didn't stick around, so she decided to give me up. i have mixed emotions about it. i don't want a relationship with her, but i want to see what she looks like and know if i have other brothers or sisters. honestly, if i could find her, i would probably just sit outside her house and wait. i wouldn't want her to know that i found her. i'm also concerned that if i find her, it will hurt my adoptive parents feelings. i don't want them to think that they ever did anything wrong that would drive me to finding her. i still sometimes cry on my birthday. i have a son of my own now and it makes my bond with him even stronger to know that he is the only thing in this world, that i know, that is blood to me. i have never "fit in" with my adoptive family. they have a biological son that is younger than me. they have never treated me any different, but i am definitely a product of heredity and not environment. feel free to contact me, i would love to talk to you.

Answer 2

well I'm adopted and i just recently started looking for my birth mother/family.
Yes it hurts that i cant compare to anyone. I was adopted when i was 4, and my adopted mother died when i was 8, so i never really had a mother, my sister (not birth sister) is taking care of me now. I'm now 19 yrs old.
I hope to get some answers about my family , my medical past in the family. I don't even know my nationality. It really hurts , and who knows where my birth mother is ? what if i look for her and she wants nothing to do with me? What if shes dead, what if shes in jail, what if she has a new family?
They have website that you can register on and your baby might be on there , also when he/she is 18 you can try to reach her/him
All i know about my birth mother is supposedly i had an older brother, so if she had another baby and we were both put up for foster/adoption then she probably had us taken away, from drugs, etc

Answer 3

I gave a child up for adoption when I was 19 (12 years ago). It was an open adoption (I chose the adoptive parents, and can have contact if I choose) I deal with it by remembering that I did an extremely un-selfish thing by making sure that my daughter has a much better life and more opportunities than I could have offered her. Even though I think of her every day, I never regret my decision. Not only did I give my child the life she deserves, but I gave a baby to 2 worderful people who couldn't conceive on their own. You did a very noble thing.

Answer 4

I was adopted about 16 years ago from Russia and I always want to know who my real mom is. Sometimes I want to go back there with my friend and try to find my mom. It is really hard not knowing who your mom is. I always have dreams about her. That she will come back looking for me and wanting me back. Maybe my mom is dead. I don't even know and I want to find out. Or maybe my mom just hated me and didn't want me, so she gave me up to some strangers. People at school used to make fun of me because I didn't have a "real" mom. It is sad not knowing my mom and someday I hope to see her again but after she just gave me up, I'm not sure if I really want to.
If you want to talk to me my e-mail is: [e-mail]

Answer 5

I was adopted out of an adoption home at age 16 months. my sister was also(2 years older than me). my adoptive parents told me when they thought i was old enough to understand (don't know what age but i do remember when it happened) that they went down and my sister picked me out. that my real mom couldn't take care of me and they wanted me and loved me. that was it. i felt wanted and loved, no hurt feelings. as i grew up i felt no need to look up any info or to find my birth parents.
I had the parents the parents i always had and they were good enough for me. After i got married and had kids my wife researched and i found out some more, the story of what happened, nationality, mothers last name.
The only thing to me that was different was i found out instead of being half Heinz57(as my dad put it) and half italian(my adoptive parents lineage), i was half texas trash and half mexican. which explained why i like mexican food so much.
My sister, when she was twenty something tracked down and visited her birth father. according to her it caused all kinds of turmoil in his family and caused feelings of regret and wanting in her,i quess they had more money than ours did, we joked with her that it explained her"champagne tastes"
My cousin, also adopted found and visited her birth family( not sure-mother or father) and it kinda messed with head as to why they would get rid of her.
But for me to this day i have no desire to know anymore than i do or to meet them. I am grateful for the parents i had and love them very much.
I don't know what your circumstances were, but you should feel good that someone was there to provide for the life that you brought into this world and that was most likely one of the best things that happened to them. my parents had tried and were unable to have babies and were verygrateful to be able to adopt us.