My son is having problems at school. He has problems focusing. What do I do?

Question

My son is 8 years old and in 3rd grade. I constantly got complaints from his 2nd grade teacher about him disrupting the class. Every day there was a new complaint. He talks constantly, plays, ect. He is very bright and gets average to good grades. I used to think that his teacher was out to get him. I got a message from his new teacher asking me to call her to set up a meeting to discuss his behavior. I talked to him and told him how upset I feel when I get complains about him. He is a great little boy at home and understands what he is supposed to do in class. I dont beleive in drugging him because I dont think that he has some type of hyperactive disorder. He is able to sit for long periods of time and watch a movie or draw. I feel frustrated because I want my son to enjoy school and I just dont know what to do? Any suggestions.

Answer 1

Take a good long look at how you discipline him at home. You may think he is a wonderful child but do you actually deny him anything or is he the center of attention at home and you have just become used to giving him what he wants to avoid disciplining.
Teachers do not have time or the inclination to be out to get a child. Children act out at school because they are used to getting their way and when they don't at school, because they aren't the center of attention, like they are at home, they don't like it.
Look at what you feed your child. If he is drinking cokes and soft drinks of any kind, get him off of them. Try going to the schools after lunch and see how much more wild the kids are after sugary drinks and candy bars. Hyperactive kids usually are eating way too much sugar. It does make a difference and they have proved it time after time in various schools. Change his diet and that will help. Please, please do not blame the teachers or the school for you son's misbehavior, they are telling you the truth and try to work with them and listen to what they have to say. I wish we had cameras in the classrooms so I could plug in a tape and show the parents how disruptive their "perfect" children are to the classroom. If you work with the teacher and punish your child at home for misbehavior at school now he will learn that you are not going to put up with it. Too often, parents talk their kids to death, they tune you out and could care less. Take away something that means something to them and they start believing that you mean business. Drugging is not the answer and most of the time it doesn't work. Being a parent that cares enough to discipline their child does work.

Answer 2

First off, I'm in no way a professional here, but I'm gonna give my 2 cents worth, especially since I have dealt with kids at this age.

First off, you really need to understand ur kid, what he likes to do, what are his interests, what he thinks of this or that, what he enjoys. Maybe he feels like he's in a prison at home, and that he's not getting the attention he needs, or that ure not understanding him, which is why he's trying to get attention in school. When he interupts class or talks too much, maybe it is because he wants some kind of attention or approval that he's not getting at home.

Ask urself, how many times have u watched a movie together with ur kid and talked about it after it was done, how many times have u talked about stuff he likes to talk about that really interest him, do u do silly things he likes to do with him. If he is quiet at home, then I think u need to analyze the relationship u have with him. Home is the place where a kid would like to test new things first, because he knows whatever he does at home he'll never be judged or hated. Bottom line is, I'm trying to say that it might not be ur kid's problem, it might be something that he's missing at home. Is there a father figure at home? Sometimes male children demand a close relationship with a father figure.

I don't like drugs, accept in extreme cases where there's a proven issue. In this case, I think the problem could be solved without drugs. Again, seek some assistance in this matter. Don't feel guilty if u don't know how; if ur parent didn't tell u how, how else would u realize it. You can stop the process by going to the next step for yourself and your child's sake. Ask the teacher where u could get some assistance, but remember, it takes more than just one to get this thing done, and don't put him down or make him feel guilty. Don't approach this as a task or a burden, but try to see it as an opportunity to get closer to ur son and seeing the potential in him.

If others have done it, don't c why u can't do it. Good luck!

Answer 3

Yes, what your son probably has is ADD (attention deficit disorder). You might be surprised to know that he actually has the potential to be more diverse and well rounded in his knowledge, not to mention a higher IQ than the average student.

See, it's not really his fault. The majority of students learn one thing at a time, and can't really focus on too many things at once. The educational system is set up for that majority. It's a little unfair for the smaller percent that cannot learn in the conventional ways. Imagine a class room that allowed a student to do several things at once while learning. So-called normal learners would be too distracted to be able to learn anything, but an ADD student would be in his/her element. One ADD special class teacher gave all of his ADD students rocking chairs to sit in during their classes. Surprisingly, just having part of the mind occupied rocking the chairs increased their focus significantly. You might say you're son is an ideal multi-tasker. He has a gift that has been widely misunderstood for decades as being a disorder. Lest we forget that even Albert Einstein had a (so-called) learning disorder.

Answer 4

Have the conference with his teacher, and perhaps even take him along so you can all get a handle on the reasons behind his actions. He may only be acting out for attention, whether from you, his teacher or his friends. You may also want to talk with a counselor, but I don't feel drugs are the way to correct childhood behavior. If someone can prove to you that it is a medical problem, that's a difference situation. It in fact it is psychological in origin, drugs may cause more hindrance than help. Take care you don't make an uninformed decision you may regret later.

Answer 5

I'm guessing that he has ADHD...it has all the tall-tale signs...disrupting in class, failure to focus on subjects he's not interested in, taking a lot.

I would put him on some type of prescription for ADHD. And have a good talk with him about how he acts in school and what proper behavior is. If all else fails, make sure he is getting awesome grades, because that is what mostly counts. If his poor behavior starts interrupting his own education, then there's a big problem there.

Answer 6

He may need some help with social situations. Make sure you give him supervised opportunities to interact with other kids in appropriate ways.

Calmly talk with him about school, the rules, that you are proud of him, etc. Focus on rewarding good behavior. If he only gets attention for bad behavior then that's what he will do just to get attention.

Consider his diet. Make sure he eats a healthy diet and isn't loaded up on sugar and fat.

Consider his environment at home. Make certain he isn't watching too much television, playing video games, etc. These activities all adjust his mind into expecting a lot of stimulus with little effort.

Good Luck,

Answer 7

I don't know where you live or what facilities are available to you. There are no objective tests for hyperactivity disorder, but two teachers reporting problems raises questions. Children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) come with a broad array of presenting symptoms. They often can concentrate for long periods of time alone on an activity that interests them but get very distracted in the more stimulating classroom setting.

I am opposed to the automatic administration of drugs to children, but there are some who can be helped before their self esteem in class is impaired.

Ritalin is a drug with millions of safety trials. It comes in a time release form Concerta that alleviates any stigma of having to take meds in school. I am not a fan of Straterra because I think it is too new and works on changing brain chemistry over time—and I don't like the idea of long term changes in brain chemistry over time in children.

Do not take your son to a practitioner or clinic that specializes in ADHD. If your favorite tool is a hammer than a lot of things look like nails. Try to get him evaluated in a psycho-educational facility that can raise the question of hyperactivity and medication in the context of the examiner being able to recommend teacher interventions within the classroom.

A trial of Ritalin and then Concerta may be indicated—if it helps, it helps.

Read up on the interventions available for ADHD. Talk to a professional who may be able to give you advice in helping your son at home.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

I've heard people who didn't want their child on medication making their child drink a cup of strong black coffee before school. I don't know how it helps, but I've heard it does.
My child is on medication. He was not disruptive, and would sit still for hours. He did cry over everything. He had NO control over his emotions. He just could not concentrate on his work. With his medication he can get all of his work done and control his emotions. This summer we tried to take him off of it, because he's almost 12 now....and the crying all came back...he couldn't write more than a few words at a time without fidgeting. He even tells me he feels better on his medication.
I hope you find something that will work for your son.

Answer 9

To be honest with you, I think you should have him go through the assessment for ADHD. What will the assessment hurt? I think you should talk to a professional on this topic.

Also, I might fire back at the teacher that maybe enough positive attention is obviously not being spent with him. If he doesn't act like this at home, then WHY would he do it at school? There has to be a connection there, and now is the time to have a one on one conference with his teacher...

Good luck to you and I hope this helps!

Answer 10

It may just be a behavioral disorder. If you don't believe in medication, maybe some counseling could help him. You need to ask the school district for physcological testing, they have to provide it at their expense if they feel there is a problem. I have been going through this same thing with my daughter for the past two years.