We recently hired a new person where I work. We are about the same age and talk a lot at work because our offices are next to each other and I am helping train her. She seems to want to be best friends with me now. She invited me to a movie-- which I went to because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but now she wants me to come to her house this weekend. I don't like hanging out with co-workers outside of work. I keep my personal and professional life separate. 40 hours a week with my coworkers is plenty. I want to spend my weekends with my friends. How can I tell her that I don't want to go to her house, nor do I want to be her friend?
2006-08-08 15:35:39 · 13 answers · asked by michi 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
you don't have to tell her that you don't want to be her friend. instead, be straightforward about the amount of time you spend with your long time friends, make it seem excessive. you may have to mention it in a way that makes it sound as thought your private life is super - busy. come to work with explanations ready. eventually, she'll give up trying and will attach herself to someone else or learn to be self supportive. whatever you do, tread carefully as you don't want an enemy here. but stand your ground, don't give in, and don't be apologetic. just phrases like, "i'm sorry i can't, i have other plans". use vague statements and offer no extra details unless asked.
and kudos to you...it's important to keep your work relationships at work and not let them bleed over into your personal life. too many jobs, and friends, have been lost this way.
2006-08-08 15:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her the truth, that you want to keep your personal life and professional life seperate. You can tell her that you enjoy talking to her at work, but that you think it's better if you don't spend time together outside working hours. You can even tell her what you wrote here, that 40 hours a week is enough and that you want to use your spare time to meet other friends. I'm sure she'll understand if you explain it nicely like you did in your question.
2006-08-09 02:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by undir 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't mix business with pleasure either-but, it's because of other reasons. But, most people that become friends, become friends through work, etc. I don't mind becoming friends with my co-workers-there's nothing wrong with it, as long as we both feel it's not being coerced. What I won't do is date. But, if that is how you feel, than as much as it'll break her heart than tell her. Now, is that the real reason? sounds to me like that reason is kind of bogus-because I'm sure you will/have made exceptions for others, so it's not that the co-worker thing, I'm guessing it's more of the apathy to even be her friend, for whatever reason. Any who, just slowly stop talking to her unless it's business related, and just be honest with her-but make it slowly and what ever goes, goes.
2006-08-08 22:48:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest that you thank her for the invitation. But kindly tell her that each and every weekend you have other personal and family commitments. There is no need for you to elaborate about what these is. You could then suggest to have lunch with her in one of the working days instead. I believe she will understand and not feel offended.
2006-08-08 22:47:58 · answer #4 · answered by gchezmoi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This person is almost certainly lonely, maybe starting over, with a new job. Be true to yourself by telling her the truth, which isn't so much that you "don't want to be friends", but rather that you are busy. Always be busy.
If you ever have parties, invite her so she can meet more new people.
2006-08-08 22:53:47 · answer #5 · answered by who WAS #1? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the just that that you prefer to keep your personal life personal and your professional life professional, and maybe you will get together with them a few times a year. I do not like going out with my co-workers that much either, but for hoildays or when somebody leaves we get togther,
I usually go when I feel like it.
2006-08-08 22:45:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should lie, but you also don't have to accept an invitation just because she makes it. "Thanks for the invitation. I won't be coming." is an acceptable answer.
Just curious, but how did you meet your friends that you want to spend time with? Have you never made a friend at work? Perhaps this person has been misled by the fact that you always talk to her at work.
2006-08-09 01:24:42 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just like you expressed yourself here
explain to the person that you have a very busy home life and that the time you spend with them is very valuable to you and them
this does not mean that you can't go out with them on occasion
better to let them know now than later
2006-08-08 22:41:42 · answer #8 · answered by just my answer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be busy each time she asks, while friendly and polite. Eventually, she will move on in the office to someone else.
2006-08-08 22:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by mitch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell her point blank. Keep rejecting her invitations and say you have family things to do. She should get the idea.
2006-08-09 04:27:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋