Sorry if you have answered this question, I just needed to ask again for more advice.
I am 28 years old. I met this girl, 23 year old, three months ago and have grown in love with her in time. I have invited her a couple of times to have some coffee or eat lunch on three ocassions, only the first time she accepted. We talked many times on the phone. After two times of having my invitation cancelled (she had accepted both times) I decided not to pursue and called her to wish her the best in life and good-bye, a week later she left me a message at work to call her back and so I did. She revealed to me she's been a widow for six months and was afraid of entering a relationship but she wanted to continue seeing me. I have not revealed my feelings for her but I think I need to before this goes forward and grow deeper that will hurt even more. Should I?
2006-08-08 14:52:32 · 10 answers · asked by scherzo_for_motorcycle_orchestra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I wanted to add that I do not want to appear as if I'm taking advantage of her because that is not the case, but sometimes some people can perceive intentions that are not accurate.
Even though materialistic things are unimportant after such a hard loss, just as additional information she told me she had a house, car, everything everyone wants to begin a full life and begin a family. She lost everything when his family took it away. But I guess the loss that hurts the most is that you had everything you wanted for and you couldn't even begin it. I'm so sad when I think of it, which has been a lot in these last couple of days since she told me.
2006-08-08 14:52:47 · update #1
She had been married for a year and he died of cancer. He was 32 and she was 22 during their marriage.
Also for those who suggested I was falling in love because I felt sorry for her are just wrong, it was the little details like our talks and her smile, that kind of thing.
2006-08-08 14:53:06 · update #2
I think her feelings are more important than yours in this situation. She needs time to mourn her loss, and time to come to terms with the changes in her life. And it is only for her to decide when it is right for her to move on. No one else can tell her what she should or shouldn't do or what is best for her. I would advise against you telling her how you feel, and instead show her by being there for her as a friend, with no pressure of love & committment. Allow her time to decide she is ready to move on. If you do decide to tell her how you feel, then you must do it in a way that avoids making her feel pressured or confused. She's confused enough as it is. For example, you can tell her that you're falling in love with her, but that you understand she may not be ready to return those feelings for you just yet. Tell her that you're willing to be there for her in whatever capacity is best for her right now, and to see how the next several months unfold. If she decides she's not ready to feel feelings of love even as time goes on, that you understand, and simply want her to do wha'ts best for her. If you don't truly feel that way, then don't say those things, but if you truly love this woman, then you must be selfless & put what she's going through before your own feelings.
2006-08-08 15:05:30 · answer #1 · answered by coolnessa8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should approach this as a friend first. And that might take a very long time. She needs somebody who is going to be there for her. The fact is, even though this was only with one person, she has probably associated men with a lack of permanence. In other words, she probably thinks that men won't be around for her permanently before they die or leave her by herself. You need to reassure her that you will be there for her, through thick and thin. You have to understand that she is going to have many, many more hard times in the future. You may even get worked up with her, be kissing her, and then suddenly she stops, has to go, and feels bad because she thinks that she may have betrayed her deceased husband. She is going to have a lot of psychological needs both now and in the future, and you may be biting off more than you can chew, even if you think right now that you could handle it. This is going to be a real test of your patience and love for her. Take things slowly with her. Be her friend, and when (if ever) she is ready for another relaionship, you can be there for her.
2006-08-08 15:07:52 · answer #2 · answered by Kelley S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from one that knows. If she has basically been a widow for six months, she has no longer had a time to grieve and what she does no longer desire is tension. you may supply her help and your employer yet don't be attempting to make strikes on her. whilst she is waiting, she would be able to help you recognize. whilst you're in a hurry to get attached with somebody it may be kinder for you to head on as a results of fact she remains fragile and he or she could desire you for the incorrect reason. supply her a minimum of one 3 hundred and sixty 5 days. basically be a buddy. do no longer demonstrate any emotions as a results of fact it extremely is one in all those tension. Your being frightened of being harm is approximately you. . .incorrect reason. in case you grant reliable non threatening help, she would be able to in all threat fall in love with you.
2016-12-11 10:02:28 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd give it some time before you express love for her. She has only been a widow for 6 months. She may not even be comfortable with the idea of dating yet, for goodness sakes. You need to take this slowly.
2006-08-08 14:58:17 · answer #4 · answered by Amy P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell her how you feel, as for falling in love with her because you feel sorry for her, well thats just nonsense. I believe you sound like a compassionate man, you go for it.
2006-08-08 14:58:41 · answer #5 · answered by angel_64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem pretty sensible, caring kinda guy. Take your time with her. Be patient. Give it some time, she'll figure it out, that you like her soon enough. Good Luck !
2006-08-08 14:59:58 · answer #6 · answered by flying_grapes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awwwwwww that is soo sad i think that you should because maybe if you do shell like feel better and be more ready to go into a relationship
2006-08-08 14:59:00 · answer #7 · answered by I.Am.What.I.Am ™ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL HER SCREWBALL!
What are you waiting for the most that can happen is that she either knocks you on your ***, hangs up the phone or shoots you!
2006-08-08 14:59:43 · answer #8 · answered by atalarovich 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People should always be able to talk about their feelings, so yeah.
2006-08-08 17:03:35 · answer #9 · answered by yourdoneandover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think that she like you so you should tell her how you feel
2006-08-08 15:02:16 · answer #10 · answered by sheena b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋