my mom was verbally abusive and sometimes physically abusive. i had a terrible adolescence. she recieved full custody after the divorce... i'm getting married in a year. i havent talked to her since i turned 18 and moved out. i'm not sure of what to do...i dont want a relationship with her. she's still treating my younger sisters the same way... but i dont want to have any regrets 20 years down the road...i really hate her though for what she's done to all of us kids...please help...
2006-08-08 13:57:45 · 19 answers · asked by kristy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you envite her..maybe the only regrets you will have in 20 years is that she ruined your wedding or your pictures...or she made a fool of her self.if you want to have a wonderful day listen to your heart and go by that and that alone....
2006-08-08 14:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by bllnickie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may think that your mother did a very poor job of parenting, and perhaps you are right. Hating her will hurt no one but you. You don't mention whether your father was there for you kids after the divorce. You don't want a relationship with your mother but it's too late for that. You are her daughter. Consider 20 years or so down the road; would you be comfortable if your daughter cut you completely out of her life because you weren't perfect? Would you hope to attend your daughter's wedding someday? Perhaps you could take the higher road and invite her to her wedding. Perhaps she loves you enough to attend even though you hate her; but at least you would have given her the choice. That way you wouldn't need to worry about regrets later on. And while you may never be close to her, perhaps you could consider the fact that she gave you life and that by seeing her mistakes, you will become a much better mother than she was.
2006-08-08 21:09:00 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would send a letter along with the invitation that states:
Dear mom,
I wanted to let you know that I am getting married on ______ date. My life the last several years has been wonderful, and I would like to share that with my entire family.
I did want to let you know however, that my father (or whomever she would have problems with aside from you) will also be there. Since you and I have also had problems in the past, I didn't want you to feel left out of my happiness.
Love _____
(this puts your happiness first and also doesn't accuse).
I wouldn't say anything to her about the past at your wedding.... because it is your day, and only your day. NOT HERS! However, if she starts in with you about ANYTHING, I would tell her, "This is my day and NOONE is going to ruin it TODAY. If you have something to say, you can write me a letter or call me later." If she gets out of hand, have a male person available to find a way to escourt her out. It could be a scene at your wedding that lasts a few minutes, but you will always know you did your part.
2006-08-08 21:10:00 · answer #3 · answered by sheristeele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change who she is. I think you would have more regrets if you invited her & she ruined your wedding. Being a mother and a mom are not the same thing. You don't have to hate her, that's a waste of energy. Just let her go. I recommend a great book "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
2006-08-08 21:11:38 · answer #4 · answered by Incongruous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best revenge is living well.
It sounds like you are happy and doing wonderful things in your life. Send your mom an invitation....but offer her no special privileges as the mother of the bride. It will be your day....the first day in the rest of your life. Shed your past like old skin and shine!
Be happy!
2006-08-08 21:06:52 · answer #5 · answered by fly away 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is your mother and even tho she did that she loves you she probably cant control her self or she was abused to. but either way you cant keep your mom out of your wedding its not cool and its will bother you that on your wedding there everyone but your mother the one who brought u to life wasnt there so i think you should for get about that and invite her because she would really love to be there
2006-08-08 21:05:34 · answer #6 · answered by Chapingurl24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not invite her. She should have thought about that before. what happens when you get married and she relapses and think that you are a child again, and try to give you a whoppin on your wedding day? That would be so embarrassing!
2006-08-08 21:01:55 · answer #7 · answered by bicheeeened30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think dat u should still invite her 2 ur weddin cause she gave u life without her u wouldnt be able 2 get married anyways but u should tell dat u cant be doin all dat stuff she was doin when u were a child i understand dat she has done all dat bad sh*t 2 u but @ least invite her 2 da wedding oh yea and do sumthin bout ur siblings 2 they shouldnt go through wat u had 2 go through
2006-08-08 21:07:18 · answer #8 · answered by numba_1_babii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not ! My Wife has a mother like yours she does not talk to her anymore she has told her Mother before that she needs help ! Her Mother still denies anything she has done to my Wife and her Sister . Neither one of them has anything to do with their Mother .
2006-08-08 21:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ms; it is your day and you should have people around you that are there for you. No one can say what is going to happen in 20yrs. Do what is in your heart. All the best.
2006-08-08 21:06:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋