Can someone tell me some funny jokes?

Answer 1

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, "Don't ... Stop..."
Bad girls say, "Don't Stop

Answer 2

One day a blonde is driving home when she rear-ends a man in his truck. The man stops and yells at her to get out of her car, so she steps out and tries to apologize. He then draws a circle in the sand and tells her to stand inside and not to step out. He goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, walks over to her car, and smashes in the window.

She begins to giggle, so he looks back at her angrily and tells her to be quiet. Then he starts beating in the hood of her car.

She giggles again, and he turns to her and says, "You're askin' for it, lady!" Then he smashes in her windshield.

By this time the woman is laughing hysterically, so he looks at her and yells, "What's so funny!?"

She laughs again and replies, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle three times."

A blonde walks into a library and shouts, "CAN I HAVE A CHEESE BURGER AND CHIPS?!?"

The librarian replies, "This is a library."

"Sorry," the blonde whispers in a barely audible voice, "can I have a cheese burger and chips?"

Answer 3

Yo mama so fat she's on all sides of the milk carton!
Yo mama so fat she wears the asteroid belt!
Yo mama so fat she has to get outta the car to change gears!
Yo mama so ugly the dip her face in flour to make animal cookies!
Yo mama so skinny I slammed the door in her face and she still went thru!
Your mamas like a hardware store only 15cents a screw!
Your mamas so fat when she dances the band skips!
Yo mamas so fat she irons her pants on the driveway!
Yo mama so bald I can see what she is thinking!
Your breaths so bad when you burp your teeth duck!

Answer 4

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party

Answer 5

Question: How do you reach Capt. Crunch?
Answer: At his cereal number!

Answer 6

Look in the mirror

Answer 7

3 girls asked their Dad for permission to go out and have fun:

Girl1: Dad I'm going out with Pete to eat.

Dad: OK

Girl2 Dad I'm going out with Lance to dance.

Dad: OK

Girl3: Dad I'm going out with Chuck to...

Dad: (Interrupts) No way!!! your grounded!!!

Answer 8

My ex-husband and his momma!

Answer 9

what do you get when u put 3 ducks in a box?

a box of QUACKERS!

HAHAHAHAHA....

Answer 10

why is 6 afraid of 7?????????????
cause 7 8 9 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha