Mother of my child constantly defemaing (sp?) me on front of child?

Question

I'd like to first say yahoo sure sucks to be deducting points for asking questions ..

To make a long story short .. my ex spouse found it useful to take off with another man and justifying it by accusing me of several things which were thrown out of court each and every time .. but i have not retaliated with anything as of yet .. reason i believe in forgiveness and tolerance .. and i love our daughter ..

We are divorced now and i thought she'd be happy but instead everytime i have access to my 5 year old daughter i find that my daughter is constantly telling me that her mother has asked that she not tell about how i am mean .. harsh .. beat and hate the mother plus how much pain i cause my daughter .. from what my daughter tells me my ex-spouse says this right on front of public ..

Anyone ever encounter this? what have you done about it?

Thanks in advanse for any serious advise ^_^

Answer 1

this kind of thing happens all of the time! if i were you i would file a complaint with the court in regards to the clause in ALL CUSTODY cases that pertains to the child/parent relationship. the clause says that one parent should not do anything to hurt the relationship a child has with their other parent. the only thing that will happen is that the court will send a letter reminding the child's mother. when i divorced my husband he told our oldest child (that opted to stay with dad) that i was coming to "STEAL" all of HIS FURNITURE and that i was stealing all of his money and that he was going to have to file bankruptcy and because of that he would lose his job (commercial lender for bank). the child called me to tell me how much he hated me. it took about 3 years for my son to see how his father operates. of course he still loves his father but he now sees (without ANY prompting from me) how his father tries to manipulate the children and tries to use them to hurt me. the only thing that you can do is prove to your daughter EVERY TIME that you have her that you are loving and caring and NOT violent... even a child can recognize a lie when they hear one parent saying bad things that are about their parent! when your daughter says these awful things that mommy tells her, explain that sometimes people say things that aren't true to hurt others. (the little girl will be thinking YEAH, IT HURTS ME, HER DAUGHTER, when she says these things about you!) keep doing what you are doing, don't bad mouth her mother... just keep defending that those things that are said aren't true. my ex lied to our son by saying that i use to be a prostitute. he told the school that i had no parental rights AFTER he was caught in the lie that he first told the school "no mother". the court only warns a person for poor parenting... but it's good to have it "on record" that the other parent is doing these things IN CASE there is ever a custody dispute days, weeks, or years from now! BEST OF LUCK- i truly understand!

Answer 2

Your ex is wrong in doing this to her daughter. The best thing to do, on your part is be the better person. Let your daughter see for herself what sort of person you are on her own. Show her that regardless of what happened between you and her mother, you still love her. And that nothing her mother has put in her head will affect the way you feel about her.

All she's doing is planting anger in her daughters heart. She's turning your daughter into a mean, angry person. But as long as you're there show her a positive influence on your part. She'll learn different. Good Luck

Answer 3

You have unfortunately a situation on your hands. First of all, your ex should NOT put you down in front of your daughter. Not speaking directly to her or letting her over hear remarks made to others.
I would reassure your daughter of your love and caring for her. DO NOT retaliate. This will only fuel the fire. And your daughter will see right thru it. At 5 setting examples are important.
I know it is hard, my daughters dad is constantly doing this type of thing to me, trying to provoke wrath and anger. I smile sweetly, and act as if he told me I am a good mother and his manhood feels threatened by this. He cuts me down to put himself up. She is doing the same to you. Stay on your level, raise your will and do what you know is right, it will be the best in the long run.

Answer 4

Tantalus; I am so sorry for the grief you are experiencing. I wish divorce were easier to go through. Many times we are left to not only pick up our own pieces, but those of our children as well. You can do many things to help your relationship with your daughter and save face with your community. Be yourself. Continue to love and forgive. Tell your daughter the truth ALWAYS. When she grows, she will begin to see how her mother is...no joke. Kids are quick to catch on to who is telling the truth and who is lying. Try not to buy into the game. It hurts enough, no need to add to it. When you get down or the things she is saying start getting to you, talk to a respected friend, just vent. Write a list of the ugliest things you can say to her and then burn it. It works. I have a ton of these, but one of my personal favorites is that a friend of mine was accused of beating his wife and other nasty things. He took an ad out in our local paper and listed all of the charges and then told the truth, his side of the story. He paid about $25.00 to do so, but it got people questioning her! I am sorry for your pain. It will, hopefully, get better with time. One other thing, it has been my experience that when someone is feeling guilty about being mean, they lash out that way.

Answer 5

Sounds like it could be a difficult situation! First make sure that you tell and reassure your daughter that you love her no matter what mommy says. Tell her that sometimes mommy says things that she doesn't mean because she is angry...but don't go into details. If she goes back and makes mention of any of the conversation to mom, mom isnt going to have much to say! Never ever talk bad about her mother in front of her....it will make you the bigger person! Good Luck!!

Answer 6

That is incredibly damaging to a child. Why? Because the child sees herself as an extension of you, and her mother, so she will feel that she is somehow bad as well. As hard as it is, just tell your daughter (when the situation arises) that you are sorry that her mother feels that way, and that it has nothing to do with her. Always take the high road, children do NOT forget, and as long as you are a good dad, she will come to resent her mother saying those things about you. Good luck to you because it likely won't get easier.

Answer 7

First you need to tell your daughter that her mother isn't accurate in her description of you. Then you need to confront her mother. Stay calm because if you loose it you will make her look like she had reason to say those things. Ask her to refrain from making a bad situation worse. The tell her that you have not told your daughter the truth about her because you want her to have respect for both her parents. Its pretty hard to argue with that. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

I have seen this so often . People putting the other parent down. I do not know how you get that problem stopped. Do people not realize that they are just hurting the children. It makes them feel so torn between the two parents. I wish I could give you some great advice.
Good Luck

Answer 9

good on you number one for loving your daughter and being a part of her life!
second of all keep showing your daughter love, happiness and let her know always that you are a truly committed father... she can always trust you and you will always be right there for her
if you instil this in your daughter as she grows up she will be a secure and well adjusted young woman no matter what happend between you...
never speak badly of her mother... dont stoop o her level...
hold your head up high
my parents were divorced... i was in a similar situation...
i love my mother but even today she tells me how useless my dad was... he wasnt!... they had shared care of me and i loved growing up knowing i had 2 paretns that loevd me...
let your daughter see for herself and keep on doing the right thing...
your ex wife sounds like she is trying to make you stoop so low but dont give in... it will eat her inside
focus on your life with your daughter... you will be the ones that benefit from this in the end

Answer 10

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