Should I contact my father-n-law?

Question

My husband has not seen his father for 13 yrs. They had some kind of falling out, because my husband said that when his first daughter was born, his dad said the had things to do and wouldn't stay at the hospitol to see her. He and I have a child together and I think she has a right to know all of her biological grandparents. My father-n-law doesnt even know about me or her, so it is not like he has purposly had nothing to do with us. My husband absolutely will not contact his father. I have considered contacting him behind my husbands back. Should I try to contact him and see if he wants to see our daughter, his granddaughter?

I just wanted to add that I believe that it is important for a child to grow up knowing as many of their biological relatives as possible. My daughter had nothing to do with the problems my husband has with his dad. She has a right to know her grandfather and make her own judgements about the guy. I would never put my daughter in harms way, so why anyone would think that me introducing her to her long lost grandfather would be harming her, I dont personally understand. And my husbands business is my business. Thats called marriage. If he is going to be stubborn and I can step in and bring his father back in his life as well as in our daughters life, then I think it is my business. So if you want to say no its a bad idea thats fine, but it is most certainly my business because it concerns my husband.

Answer 1

I wouldn't bother. My husband and his mother had a falling out (after we were married, though) and we didn't see or speak to her for over 2 years. We also had a baby (which she knew about through her own parents, my husband's grandparents) and she didn't see him. Even when our son was 6 months old & sick in the hospital, she didn't bother to contact us.

Like you, I thought about contacting her to see if she would like to meet her grandson, but out of respect for my husband's feelings, I didn't. I didn't think it would be right to go behind his back.

Ultimately, due to a family tragedy, we did reunite with his mother & she met our son when he was a little over a year old. Things were strange at first, but she & my husband mended things.

So - the moral of the story is: if it's meant to be, it will happen. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Someone needs to take the first step, hopefully his father isn't as hard headed as your husband. As people get older they think differently than they did when they were younger. Maybe when he had his first child, the dad was working and get time off, there are a million good reasons he couldn't be there. Of course there are about the same amt of bad ones, but we won't go there. Now that his dad is older, it's time for them to mend fences. If you don't think it would cause a major blow up with your husband, then you be the adult and do what you can to bring them back together before it is too late. Good luck, you may need it.

Answer 3

No. You'd risk too much of your relationship with your spouse. It isn't worth it. The children will survive without your hubby's father in their life. Perhaps you should keep discussing it with your hubby until you can both come to some kind of agreement. But don't go behind is back. How would you like it if he did something behind your back? The trust in the relationship goes right out the door at that point & it's very difficult to get it back.

Answer 4

It is a good rule to never do anything underhanded or behind your husband's back no matter how pure your motivation.

The proper thing to do is to reason with your husband and point out the positives and minimizing the negatives.

Don't risk your marriage over a difference in opinion.

I wish you the best!

Answer 5

If it happened before you were even in the picture, there could be more of the story you're missing. I would not get into your husbands personal business. The outcome of trying to do so can be very catastrophic. Most likely you would regret doing it. However, I could always be wrong and the outcome could be sunshine and rainbows. Most people nowadays, including myself are not made of sunshine and rainbows.

Answer 6

How would you feel if the situation were reversed and your husband contacted your parent behind your back? Talk to him about it and tell him you want to do it for your daughter's sake and he doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to. But if he still insists then you should respect his wishes. How can your daughter miss what she never had?

Answer 7

If divorce is big on your list of priorities then go ahead and contact him. It's NONE of your business. Don't get your daughter in the middle of this battle, which is exactly what you'd be doing if you go behind his back. How could you possibly think it would be O.K. to involve your daughter in this. Hello!

Answer 8

You have a right to inform him about his grandkid, but you're husband will be pissed. You should try to talk to him more about his father in general and see if there are other issues between them. I doubt it is as simple as what you stated. You might change your mind about introducing him to your daughter when you find out.

Answer 9

you will pay a similar quantity of latest child help the two way. And joint custody does not unavoidably advise you're able to have greater time with the new child. you will desire to insist on joint custody so which you have a gamble to unquestionably be a discern and have a say in no longer in hassle-free terms the moral upbringing however the scientific welfare of your new child. and young babies decide on a father!

Answer 10

Going behind his back is not really a good idea and could cause things to get worse.

Be gentle in talking to him about it. Don't nag him, don't press him, but don't let the problem fade into the background.