I am getting married in Jamaica next year.It seems to me that my mother is trying to take over the entire wedding by telling us whom we can & can not invite, when our guest should and shouldn't arrive in the islands, and was very upset when she found out by my travel agent that our guest were going to stay at a separate hotel as my finance & I. Finally I told her to "back off" (in a nice way) after she expressed her feelings about our living situation. (He and I own a home together and she feels as though he & I shouldn't sleep in the same bed b/c I have a 11 yr old son; to whom my finance loves as though he were his own) Today I received our proof for our invitations, the poem that we selected is beautiful but it doesn't include her name. So of course she is pissed.My finance and I are paying for the wedding & reception, so he & I thought that we should just have our names on it.Are we wrong for feeling this way?I love my mother but she continues to treat me like I am 2 when I am 31.
2006-08-08 12:47:00 · 17 answers · asked by Ms. Hot Chocolate 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
hell no! U GO GIRL! atleast i know theres one other girl out there who did the same as me to their mama when they tried to pull that ****
2006-08-08 12:51:45 · answer #1 · answered by mom of 2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel exactly the same way. While I understand it seems she is trying to be helpful, she instead is giving the impression of being a little overbearing at times. It is you and your fiance's day, so what you both want is what you should receive. I can understand her concern about you sleeping in the same bed together, due to the fact that you have a son, but you are getting married, so I see no harm in that either. It seems that your mother is a little bit "old school" and I guess believes in certain traditions, you were right to confront her, and she will be pissed as you said, but if she loves you and respects you like she should, she will get over it.
2006-08-08 13:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ouch.
It sounds like she still sees you as the little girl who needed her for everything and now that you're about to have one of the most important celebrations of your life, you re a grown up and she feels undervalued and under appreciated.
No, you are not wrong at all. You and your fiance are footing the bill so you should be able to run the show.
If there is a small part of your wedding that you wouldn't mind delegating to your mom...it might help smooth things out. Put her in charge of something. There must be some wedding related chore you wouldn't mind giving someone else? ...after all a wedding and a trip combination must be so stressful for you.
Tell her you need her help and would appreciate a pro like her to smooth it out.
2006-08-08 13:10:56 · answer #3 · answered by luckybluebunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tellyour mother exactly what you think and what youjust said. I had to do the same thing similar with my dad who has been living off of me for a year and I am a single parent of three,ft student. Anyway, sit her down and start by saying I know your trying to help but my fiance and I waited for this special day for our whole lives, we are paying and we really would like your support and encouragment at this time. I am going fromyour little girl to ____ wife.It is already stresful enough,and you are adding more pressure to the situation. Then ask for her help,and give her some small task that she can feel like she has some control over.
What I did with my dad was to write him a note and leave it where he could see it and followed up with clarification. Good Luck!
2006-08-08 12:59:02 · answer #4 · answered by nene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree. Its crazy that people come out of the woodwork when someone is getting married. You are paying for your own wedding, you own your own home, what else does your mom expect. It sounds like she is making a last minute attempt to try and control you and she is losing grip of you very fast. As far as your sleeping arrangements go, its your house and you deserve to sleep wherever you want. Congratulations on your wedding. Have a great time no matter what. Jamaica is great for weddings.
2006-08-08 12:54:42 · answer #5 · answered by jenniferscott1974 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Etiquette speaking, if you and your fiancee are paying for the wedding/reception, then YOU are the hosts, and the invite should read something like this:
The pleasure of your company
Is requested for our marriage ceremony
Ms. Sue Smith
and
Mr. Steve Jones....
blah blah blah.....
The parents names are NOT included since they are not hosting the event, the invite is from the HOSTS. Your mother needs to understand that plainly and clearly. Maybe you need to tell her to "back off" again, only not quite so nicely this time, since she obviously didn't get it the nice way. You're an adult, you're doing nothing illegal, she needs to get a grip.
Good luck!!
2006-08-08 13:15:59 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sucks to have a controlling mother but she probably is just looking to fix things that she wanted to in her own wedding. If you must ask God for patience, then do it because I know how mothers can get under your skin. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do...but she is still your mom she was there before your man...but good luck and congrats on the wedding have fun!
2006-08-08 12:53:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're wrong at all. Your mother sounds like she has a bit of a control problem. That said, maybe plan some kind of nice gesture that publicly acknowledges your mother. Just something to make her feel appreciated, perhaps a toast to her during the festivities before your wedding. That said, your plans sound really lovely and I wish you all the best. Have a wonderful wedding day!
2006-08-08 12:55:42 · answer #8 · answered by loveblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(He and I own a home together and she feels as though he & I shouldn't sleep in the same bed b/c I have a 11 yr old son; to whom my finance loves as though he were his own)
See this
Well ok is she talking about after you are married
because if she is there is no way
But if your mother is speaking like this because you are not married
Then she is probably considering placing God first
And if she is
She is right
there is no dispute no matter how old you are.
God is a jealous God
Place Him first
And your marriage will be blessed
But if you consider Him 2nd
you will not have the happiness you desire because you
did not place Him first
2006-08-08 14:49:04 · answer #9 · answered by Queen A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. You are a grown woman and you should be in control and continue to stand up for yourself.
Tell her to take a chill pill, girl! You're doing just fine on your own. I do not think it is wrong for you to put just you and your fiance's names on the invites since you're paying for it!? Geez. I really think you need to sit down with your mother and let her know exactly how you feel. You don't want to spend this joyus occasion with all of this tension do you? She will understand and eventually get over it. After all, I'm sure all she wants is to see her daughter happy. :) Good luck to you all!
2006-08-08 12:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your fiance are two responsible mature people. It's your poem for your big day, and it should reflect the love you have for each other. Your mom is taking it too personal, especially the guest hotel arrangements. That's the guest choice and finances they personally considered. Tell your mom thanks for everything, and has been a great help, all is finalized.
2006-08-08 13:06:17 · answer #11 · answered by ianthra2010 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋