A guy friend of mine is constantly attaching himself to girls that have had difficult pasts. The girls usually have been molested, abused, former addicts, etc...He himself was molested at a young age. He doesn't seem to have confidence around confident outgoing girls with no history of trauma. But, he feels comfortable around girls with traumatic histories. His relationships to these girls are loving and caring, but it doesn't seem like he can stand the pressure of being with a well adjusted person with no history.
Why is he attracted to these types of girls when so many well adjusted girls are available to him?
2006-08-08 12:42:14 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
It's called Co-Dependancy. Buy him the book "Co-Dependant No More" by Melodie Beatty... seriously.
2006-08-08 13:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well being a woman with a "history of trauma" (which I did not choose) I suppose that we choose people we can relate to. Also please think about this, pain is a great teacher and can teach someone the understanding and compassion that he may need. If his relationships are loving then why do you care? Are we less because we have had hard times? I suppose this is why I avoid "well adjusted" people, they lack the life experience that can make them a compassionate human being. I don't know if it is the "pressure" of being with a well adjusted person, or the way well adjusted people can be so judgmental. I suppose all us girls with a past should become lonely old cat ladies, we don't deserve relationships?
2006-08-08 19:52:38 · answer #2 · answered by crct2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may feel that the only people who won't judge him for being abused are other victims.
Or he is my exhusband! (or just like him)
When I finally left him, he said he picked me because he could see that I had been abused & was an easy mark. He beat me for several years. They prey on the weak, convince them that it's their fault & they need to act right. To this day I hate it when I see him & he says "act right" to me.
2006-08-08 19:51:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has something in common with these girls. Its easier for someone who has been hurt to trust others who have been in the same boat. I dont know if it is a bad thing or good thing.
2006-08-08 19:49:19 · answer #4 · answered by schoolgirlrobbinsdale 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is because he may not speak the same language as a "well adjusted girl"
or mayhaps it isnt a concious desiscion
2006-08-08 20:29:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is able to identify with these girls, doesn't sound unhealthy to me...
2006-08-08 19:51:42 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Noodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋