What should I do?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, and we have a 2 yrs. old daughter together. One night we were talking about our future n he brought up marriage, and I told him I wasnt ready.
He's taking it really hard. I dont want to get married just b-cuz we have a child. I told him once we have been together for a few more years than we can talk about marriage.Is this wrong of me?

I'm 19 marraige is a big step

Answer 1

Yeah so you did things a little out of order, in the traditional sense, but that's ok. If you are not ready to get married, then don't. If the fact that you have a child together is the only reason he wants to marry you, then you shouldn't get married. Marriage should be about love, committment, trust, friendship, devotion, and not just about the child you already have. I think it is good that you put your foot down, so to speak, about what you want. Waiting to get married is fine. You have a right to not be ready and to want to want, and it isn't wrong to feel that way or to tell him that you feel that way. It would have been a lot worse if you felt like this but never said anything to him. Just try talking to him again and explain how you feel; tell him you're not against marriage, you just aren't ready. If he truly loves you he should understand and be able to find a way to live with your decision. But you should also be open to his opinions, after all it is only fair.

Answer 2

well if you were ready to bring a child into the world with this man than how are you not ready for marriage. It sounds to me if maybe you are not truly in love with him. If this is the case than you need not drag it all out and part with each other respectfully. However, you both need to do what is best for your child and maintain a healthy relationship with this man because the important person here is your child. You are right that you shouldn't marry someone just because you have a child together but your child is now a couple years old and will start to sense if the relationship between you and your boyfriend is not a happy or healthy one. So I really think you need to **** or get off the pot......two years is enough time to figure out where you stand and if your relationship adjusts well to family life. If you are not ready now.....chances are you will never be. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I think most people can't cast stones about having a child out of wedlock, because many people have sex without marriage; they just haven't yet had a child because of it.

If you feel you are not ready, then it's your right to assert this. Part of being an adult, is realizing what is right for you in life. If you think waiting on marriage is best, then you should wait. Explain to your boyfriend that that is your decision. You can't make him feel better, and come around to respecting your decision. That is something he must reconcile on his own. And choose whether or not to support you in that.

If he doesn't support you, and can't wait with you on this, then maybe that is a sign of things that would happen if you two were to get married. I'm not saying to make this out as a "test" for him. I am just saying that it is something to consider. You two are already bonded by the child and the sex; if the relationship is truly strong, he can wait on a piece of paper.

Answer 4

You need to evaluate why you don't want to marry this guy. The father of your daughter.
He loves you and I'm sure her too, and wants to make it legal and a real family.
It seems you are the one with the problem, get some help if you must, but waiting more years, just to talk about marriage, isn't the way to go.
It's not fair to him or your daughter.

Answer 5

You are one of the examples of the emerging American society.With economic independence Women are reluctant to be caught in the net of marriage, children etc. If I not wrong you bf must not be very well-educated(certainly not higher than you) he may actually a highschool dropout doing somd odd jobs.There is a growing tendency in American girls not to get involved with such boys though a live-in relationship is OK.These are stark ecnomic facts and you would continue denying to marry him despite all the pro-advice given to you. It is finally you who has to take the decision.

Answer 6

You are right not to do that because if you marry him you may end up resenting him later if you begin to feel trapped. Plus you don't want to get married because of children. You want to get married for love. Talk to him about it and make him understand that it is nothing personal. Tell him you just want to make sure that you both are doing the right thing. Good luck.

Answer 7

No. i have 2 kids from a previous marriage and i live with my current boyfriend. i told him (after being together for a year) that i wanted 10 years from him to help me raise my kids. after that he can deside if he wants to stay another 10 or leave but he cant leave me for 10 years and i cant leave him for 10 years. we dont plan to get married ever. just live together.

Answer 8

So are you planning on leaving him or you just want to leave your options open? That's not fair to him or your little girl. You should either commit to him and mean it or end the relationship now so you all can move on with your lives. I'd think by now you'd know if you love him or not....

Answer 9

if you were commoted enough to this guy to move in with him and you were commited enough to this guy to have his child then why in the world dont you think your ready to get married . yes, i think your wrong and a lttle backward . i know this for a fact i had all 3 of my sons and was with my husband for 9 years before i decided it was time to marry him and he asked me all the time and you know what changed after i married him , just my last name sweety just my last name !!!!!!!

Answer 10

soo ur telling me that ur not ready for marriage but u were ready to **** eachother all night long and have a kid?
wow
i think ur ready for marriage...i mean seriously.