If you like sad poetry read this please?!! lol. i idnt write it.?(last time i 4got to paste the poetry lol.?

Question

what do you think of this.How does it make you feel.(i feel like doctor phil hahah!)
chained down by reality cut open by stress
So down to earth her wrist has a gashing crevis
So scared sad and confused a mess
She feels like everyone could care less
Black mascara and eyeliner running down her pale pink cheeks
Along with the tears of misery puring down like a stream
Red lipstick smeared across her thick lips
The same color as the blood running down her wrists
lieing on the cold linoleum floor
her dark hair across her face she has been here before
Her brown eyes filled with a pained __expression so far from dry
she knows she has to leave here this is her last cry
cracks open a bottle of toxic stuff poors it down her throat
falls down to the floor as her favorite band pumping through the speakers plays the last note
closes her eyes her brain turns off
her boyfriend comes home and he wants to scoff
Why because she looked so elegant in that black dress
with her pretty little face and dark makeup her black hair a mess
he holds her as tears fall from his face
One last time he kisses her ruby lips and can taste her beauty and grace!

Answer 1

To be perfectly honest, I don't care for it all that much. It doesn't really ring true to me. For one thing, I don't think suicides are usually scared. Angry, hurt, frustrated, stressed, alone, all that, but not necessarily scared. Eyeliner doesn't run. Then, from a physical standpoint, how is she drinking poison after she's already bleeding and collapsed on the floor? Also, I think like the rhyming sometimes feels forced, such that's it's more of a hinderance than a help. The author seems too interested in getting the rhyme and not interested enough in getting the feeling of the poem. 'Last cry' is too cliché. The whole 'band' thing was only included to have something to rhyme with 'throat.' Why does her boyfriend scoff? Scoff? That doesn't seem like the right response, and it's certainly not in line with him crying. 'Taste her beauty and grace?' When she's lying there with her wrists cut? What about guilt, pain, remorse? And 'ruby lips' is also a bit too cliché. Okay, I'm done with the criticism now. After all, while I don't like it as an overall piece, the work is not entirely without merit. Certain phrases work quite well, in fact. The 'cut open by stress' part, for instance, certainly rings true. I understand that and agree with it. The 'gashing crevis' is a also well done - it's an impactful metaphor. Comparing the color of the lipstick and the blood is a nice move as well. 'Pretty little face and dark makeup her black hair a mess' gives good imagery. In fact, those two lines together probably give the best mental images in the poem. The person who wrote this should try writing some stuff without using rhyme. See if they can get the feeling and the wording and the sytax down right, and then move towards making it work within a specific form.