Why do our Parents have so much control over us?

Question

I just don't get it...How is it that parents have soo much control over us..even when we are old enough to make our own choices..for example..when I first went to college I took the program my mother thought would be a good idea..I got the car my mother thought would be a good car to drive...and now I am still paying for that stupid choice..I let my mom borrow some money and she has to this day not paied me back..and when I ask for money...she can't do it anymore..I feel like saying don't even go there...you took lots of money from me...and you don't see me asking for any of it back..even when I had a job..she took money from my pay check...when she first borrowed money from me..I was 18 yrs old...now I am 20..you would have thought I would have learned by now...nope...I haven't...I guess I will just never learn...I need to move away..I need to live my life and not hers....

I think I may never want to have kids of my own..because I am scared that I am going to turn out like my mom and...my kid will end up hating me...

Have you ever felt like you just wish you were never born..? that there has to be something better out there..that if you were to just disapear that no one really really notice..? I think the reason I don't stand up to my mom is because i am scared of her..and you really shouldn't be scared to talk to your mother about things..things in general..I was told that if I don't get a job in sept. that I am going to be sitting at home looking at my car sitting in the drive way.. I know I am not the type of person to let things go..I think way too much into things..I know she is my mother..but I am still her daughter.. and she may have brought me into this world..but she has no way to treat me like this..I know people have bad days..but you don't come home from work and when your child does one little thing wrong, you don't start yelling at them like they killed someone.

and I yes I may be weak..but she is my mother...and I care a lot for her..she asks for something...I naturally would give it to her..after when I was growing up...she gave me a lot...I think my mother is the reason why I don't stand up for myself..because I don't know how..because I never did it when I was growing up...
When I tried to talk back to her..for example..my car..we got into this thing about my car..and we were going somewhere..she said she should have never let me talk her into getting that car...I was like wait a minute...I never talked you into anything..she was the one who wanted that car..she put the idea into my head...I was 18...this was my first car...and she knew all the problems that car gave my brother...I wanted a VW Bug...or a mini copper...no instead I try to help my brother out..and in the end I am stuck with this headache...I try and talk to her about getting a differnt car..I jsut can't..she loses it..and starts to yell and gets this look..

Answer 1

Well why do you let your mother have the control. You are going to be the one going to school and then trying to go out into the world to use the education you worked for. You are the one that has to drive your car around and make the payments and maintain them. So if you are capable of making these choices why let someone else make them for you. I know we all strive to make our parents happy and make them proud and respect them but there is a point where you have to cut the apron strings and be your own person, live your own life. As far as the money issue goes, your mother should be ashamed of herself for taking from her child, you should never keep part of their paychecks unless this is something that was discussed between parent and child. I mean I could see if the child had to help pay a cell phone bill or car insurance or something of that nature to teach them a bit about how the real world works, but to keep it just to take it is wrong. I too have lent my mother money and it is amazing how if you barrow money from them they will beat down your door for it. In fact I find my mother more smothering than any bill collector ever could dream of being, but the moment you lend them money they seem to develope amneisa. The solution would then be to discontinue that kind gesture. If she is mad, explain to her about past arrangements and tell her what most parents have to tell there kids.........I am NOT a bank!!!! I don't think that you need to cut yourself off from her, put a little distance there...sure but not move far away. I think maybe you both could benifit from going and talking to someone it might help the rift a bit. But don't be afraid to have children in the future, for the most part being a parent is a beautiful and amazing thing and it is all what you make it to be. Good Luck to you :-)

Answer 2

I can't speak for everyone and obviously you don't get to choose who your parents turn out to be. I was lucky, dad was a college professor and an incredibly sharp person whos fault actually was that "he was always right"! I regret not listening to him more often. You know, hey let me make my own mistakes thing. Boy, what an idiot I was. Mom, was an artist, crafty to no end. Cook, tailor, painter, poet. The heart and soul of the family. 40 years of marriage before dad passed away. Yet after college I decided it was time to be on my own an I joined the militery and off I went, never regretting a single choice since. Dad used to say, never do business with family or friends, you loose money and the business is never great. He also used to say, never lend money, always give it away and an amount you won't miss, if you don't get it back its what you expected, and if you do get it back its always a treat. My advice, its time to spread your wings and fly. Something my mom would say.

Answer 3

It's because you care about her, regardless of what you say. If you didn't you wouldn't try hard not to hurt her feelings.

I hope this doesnt insult you in any way, but your mom doesn't sound too responsible. I do a lot of things my mom tells me to do. But, my mother is a really responsible person. All choices I make because of her, are because of her intellegence. Maybe you should stop giving in to your mom. She's not going to stop if you don't put your foot down.

Learn from your mothers mistakes, that way if you ever decide to be a mother someday...you will make the right decisions.

Answer 4

Guess the question is: Why do you let your mom have so much control over you? I'd say the answer is your weak and spineless. I know, I had the untrustworthy mom with the bingo gambling problem. You just have to say NO. And don't automatically do her suggestions.

Of course, if you still live at home and she pays your bills and school....then she still owns you. You need to grow up and out and get your independence.

Answer 5

You need to make a choice. Grow a backbone and get on with your own life or continue to cave and blame it on Mommy. There comes a time when people have to take responsibility for their lives. I know this sounds harsh and mean but all you're doing is whining and I can't tolerate whiners.

Answer 6

You need to stop giving your mom money first off then when she tells you what to do say "i need to make my own mistakes and not yours. back off" and then make your own choices. She sounds like a mooch and if you dont stop giving her hand outs after you graduate collage and have a good job where you make LOTS of money she will expect you to give her some. Nip that in the bud now so you dont have conflict later.

Answer 7

Your mom is very controlling and selfish. You do need to move far from her so that you can enjoy life the way it should be.
You will not treat your kids that way. MY mom was like that and I am nothing like her with my kids.

Answer 8

don't think like that think positive, parents try to make the right decision for there children it's all up to the child if he or she wants to listen, but some times parents are not always right. I think its all up to the child what she or he wants to do in life.

Answer 9

Your mom isn't borrowing money from you, you're paying her for all the crap she had to put up with while raising you

Answer 10

Your mother has as much control over you as you let her.