My son and daughter have been friends with a little boy and girl who live down the street (quarter of a mile away) for a year now. Their mother, I have tried and am still trying to get used to her personality and trying my best to be friends with. She is nice but she invades my private space (hugs galore)& can be a pest at times, showing up at my front door with her kids every day. Sometimes she sends her kids by themselves walking to my house (they are 5 and 6 yrs old) and doesn't call me to let me know they are coming. I am afraid that one time she will do that, we won't be home and they will mess around on our property and get into things or get hurt before turning around and walking home. I don't mind having company once in awhile, but I am not a huggy kissy person and and every-day-visitor type of person. I want to remain friendly with her but I don't want the company every day. Sorry I wrote a novel.
2006-08-08 11:54:47 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You didn't write a novel. I promise. What you need to do is tell her that you need to make some rules about visits. One of them involves "calling ahead." If she is coming you need to know---because if you don't know you may have other plans and then you would feel bad because she came and you couldn't visit.
Second---tell her that she need not send the children alone. It is not safe for children to walk 1/4 mile alone in our society. She needs to call ahead to let you know they are coming, make sure it is all right they come for a visit and ask that she tell you what time you expect the children home.
Third---let her know that you don't feel comfy with all the hugs. She will understand if you tell her that you were not reared in a family that displayed affection outwardly. Ask her to be patient with you while you try to learn how to feel more comfortable with her outward affections---hugs, etc.
If that doesn't do the trick---invite her over, sit with her and tell her it just isn't working. You have tried to be polite but you must INSIST that she follow your guidelines. Try the sugar and spice trail first. I think she will get the picture.
2006-08-08 12:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by oph_chad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaphs, make suttle hints when she arrives. for example, it was lovely that you popped by but were about to go out, maybe call a head next time first to check that well be around.
In regards to her children walking that far on there own, maybe dont mention her kids but mention that you wouldnt feel safe letting your kids walk that distance on there own, especially if somebody wasnt expecting them at the other end. If the kids come over alone.... send them home! tell them your mummy didnt say you were coming over so you dont feel happy about them being there. phone her and tell her you sent them home and she should expect them.
when she arrives you could say, really casually, Oh, we wernt expecting visitors so im afraid that you have come at a bad time, we all have planned to have some "family time".
you could make up a story about another friend and talk about how they make you feel when they drop in, if you want to give her hint.
If none of these work i think that you may very well just have to be more direct. give her two compliments and then the point. I.E I love that we are friends, and your children are great, and i hope that you will not think of me as being rude. but i feel i can talk to you as a friend and that you will understand, its not about you coming, i love to see you, it would just be really nice if you could let me know in advance of when you were thinking of coming as sometimes i have activities planned and feel i have to cancel if you just arrive.
if that fails.... she is really not considering your feelings and you need to let her know that she is invading your home space. You need to remember at the end of the day you have the right not to let her in and to say the above to her.
I know it is hard! be brave, she prob dont even relise there is an issue here and just needs a gental nudge in the right direction!
Good luck! lol you thought you wrote a novel!
2006-08-08 12:19:40 · answer #2 · answered by jessica_mornington 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a min and write a note, a little more brief than your question and as nice as possible. Tell her that you enjoy her and the kids but cannot have the young kids walking alone anymore.( That is neglect!) Tell her that since school is beginning you would appreciate her calling and asking if they can visit on certain days. That you have after school activities and since the kids are getting older they will have homework and chores before supper and then just a little private time before bed. Be direct but respectful. YOU have to be responsible for your home's peace and the time to do all that you have to do and especially for your own sanity!!!
2006-08-08 12:05:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL Its ok I like novels.....I would (if It was me) let her know that you like her and all, but you also need your space and that maybe once a week for visits would be good, as you get quite busy and like to be alone in your spare time!! As for sending her kids up the road, maybe you should tell her that she needs to call before she does send them up otherwise you may not be there and anything could happen to her babies...... :D
2006-08-08 12:07:50 · answer #4 · answered by jaye21 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with her be firm but fair maybe she does not realize their is something wrong with what she is doing. being that she may have grown up in a different kind of neighborhood then she is in now. tell her that you enjoy her company but you need time to your self ect...Good luck
2006-08-08 12:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by wondering_lefty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love one another!
Killing them with your kindness.
Show the "fruits of the spirit"
2006-08-08 11:59:00 · answer #6 · answered by Susanne R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok
2006-08-08 11:58:25 · answer #7 · answered by hivi f 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋