Gimmie a good clean LOL joke :P ^^?

Answer 1

Q: What goes "clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop?"

A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Answer 2

ok

Burt Reynolds walks into a toy store to buy his nephew a hot rod shaped kiddie bed for his birthday.
The salesperson asks him if he has ever bought quality children's furniture before.
Mr. Reynolds replies that this is indeed his first time making such a purchase.
Suddenly, a blond bombshell of a young woman in a red miniskirt walks into the store and asks the salesperson if there are any hot rod shaped kiddie beds in stock.
He replies he only has one left at the moment.
Burt, being the gentleman he is, steps back and implores the woman to purchase it instead of him.
And..who may I ask, is the bed for...Your son? Burt asks her.
No. She says. It's for me, big boy...and aren't you Burt Reynolds?
Why, yes I am.
And now..may I ask you for another favor Mr. Reynolds..?...She continues.
uhh..SURE! he says
Would you like to............
They were all instantly killed as an out-of-control car crashed into the store.

Answer 3

These dumb people with their copy and paste type of long jokes. I got a good one though. Why did the Tomatoe blush? Because he saw the Salad dressing! [LOL]

Answer 4

After a very rough landing, the pilot came on-speakers to speak to the passengers. "It's not the airplane's fault. It's not the pilot's fault. It's the Asphalt", he said.

What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall?
DAM!

Answer 5

LITTLE TONY ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married ?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose! the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."


LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father ?

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.

"But that's right !" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"

"What's the ******** difference ?" asks the father.

"That's what I said !"



LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"

TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little

TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TON Y says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow.job."



LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR


Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tit.s, you'd be a TEN !"



LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR


One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie,"! replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just ******** beautiful !'"




LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"
Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own ******** business."'

Answer 6

How does Helen Keller drive? One hand on the wheel and one hand one the road!
How do you Punish Hellen Keller? 1- Reareange the Furniture 2- Give her a basketball and tell her to read it. 3- tell her to find the corners in a round room
Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork.
Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!
What is Helen Keller's favorite Convenience Store? WAAAWAAA
Why did Helen Keller's dog jump off a cliff and kill itself? You would too if your name was sajifjlsisdjifiuop
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They stuck a plunger in the toilet.
How many kids did Helen Keller have? NONE! The plunger went all the way through!
If Helen Keller fell down in the woods, would she make a sound?
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman! no seriously why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead!
Have you seen a picture of Helen Kellers dad? Neither has she!
how did helen keller burn the side of her face? she answered the iron. how did she burn the other side? they called back.
what did hellen keller's room look like? she didn't know either
what do you call a tennis match between helen keller and stevie wonder? endless love
why does helen keller wear tight pants? so you can read her lips!!
What was Helen Kellers favorite childhood game? Musical Chairs
Whats Helen Kellers favourite movie? Around the Block in 80 days.
If helen keller were psychic, would she call it a fourth sense?
What did Helen Keller say to the shop assistant when she knocked over a product-display in the store? Just looking!
whats the name of helen kellers new movie? silent scream.
how did helen keller burn her face? she was bobbing for french fries
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? Stuck doorknobs to the walls.
Why cant Hellen Keller drive a car? Because shes a woman. Why cant Hellen Keller drive a train? Because shes dead.
Why were Helen Kellers hands purple? She heard it thru the grapevine.
Have you heard about Helen Kellers new car? neither has she
Why did helen keller go crazy? she was trying to read a stucko wall.
what did hellen keller get for cristmas? polio! she had everything else.
Helen Keller went to town riding on a pony she stuck a feather in her hat and called it......... uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
How do you get helen keller to keep a secret? Break her fingers
why did helen kellers dog commit suicide? you would to if your name was mmmmmmmmmnnnnnn
Why doesnt Hellen Kellar scream when she fell off the cliff? - She was wearing mittens
why can't Hellen Keller jump out of an airplane? It scares the **** out of her dog.
Whats helen keller's favorite color? Black
Why did Helen Keller cross the road? What, like she know's where she's going?
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well? She screamed her hands off.
How did Helen Keller breake her arms? Trying to read road signs at 40mph.
Why couldn't Helen Keller play on her high school football team? Because she's a girl
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other.
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Her dog was blind too.
What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing? Washed her hands with soap.
how did Helen Keller burn her hands? She was trying to read a waffle iron
what does Helen Keller call the closet? Disneyworld
Where do Helen Keller's parents have her go when there's company over? Disneyworld
Why was Helen Keller late for school? DUI

yo mama is so ugly she put the boogy man out of business. Yo mama is so ugly she makes Michael Jackson look like brad pitt. yo mama is so ugly she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure. Yo mama is so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. yo mama is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. Yo mama is so fat when she bends over we eneter daylight savings time. Yo mama is so fat she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck. Yo mama is so fat shes once, twice, three times the lady. Yo mama is so fat she uses a matress for a maxipad. Yo mama is so poor burgulars break into her house and leave money. Yo mama is so poor the building society repossed her cardboard box. Yo mama is so poor she watches t.v. on an Etch-A-Sketch.Yo mama is so poor she goes to KFC to lick other peoples fingers. Yo mama is so poor she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box. Yo mama has got a major weight problem, she cant wait to eat. Yo mama is a carpenters dream flat as a board and easy to nail. Yo mamas feet are so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes. Yo mama is like a televison, even a 2 year old can turn her on. Yo mama is so clumsy she got tangled up in a moblie phone. Yo mama is so nice, she offered me the hair off her back. Yo mama is like a golf course, everyone gets a hole in one. Yo mama is so ugly, she is so good at her job, being a scarecrow. Yo mama is like a 747, 3 man **** pit. Yo mama is like a hardware store. 10 cents per screw. Yo mama is like a a shotgun, first she cocks then she blows. Yo mama is like a door knob cause everybody gets a turn. Yo mama is like a stamp, youlick her, you stick her and then you send her away. Yo mama is like McDonalds, Billions and Billions served. Yo mama is like a railroad track, she gets laidall over the country. Yo mama is like the Pillsbury Dough boy, everyone likes to poke her. Yo mama is like Peanut Butter so creamy and smooth and easy to spread. Yo mama is so smelly, when she spread her legs, I got seasick. Yo mama is so smelly that farmers use her bath water as liquid fertilizer. Yo mama is so dirty that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to make chemical weapons. Yo mama is so greasy Texaco buys oil from her. Yo mama is so greasy she uses bacon as a band aid. Yo mama is like a pirate, there she blows. Yo mama is so stupid she took aruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo mama is so stupid, on a job appliction is said sex and she put monday, wednesday and sometimes frida. Yo mama is so old that instead of saying are we there yet from the back seat, you say is she dead yet. Yo mama is so hairy that when you were born you almost died from rugburn. Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and almosted peed her pants. Yo mama is so big, she trips over walmart and lands on target and every time she passes by the T.V. I miss a season of friends. Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on a airplane it became a submarine. Yo mamas teeth are so yellow that cars slow down when she smiles. Yo mama is like a fast food restaurant, Quick and easy. Yo mama is like a shot gun 5 cocks and she is loaded. Yo mama is like nascar two rubbers and she is ready to ride. Yo mama is so dumb, she brought a spoon to the super bowl. Yo mama is so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous. Yo mama is so fat the last time she saw 90210 it was on the scale. Yo mama is so fat that she shoved a battery up her *** and said, I've got the power. Yo mama is like a screen door, a couple of bangs and she loosens up. Yo mama is like a snickers bar, packed full of nuts. Yo mama is like a race car driver, she burns up a lot of rubbers. Yo mama is so fat and stupid, her waste is bigger than her IQ. Yo mama is such a *****, she interned for Clinton.

I will tell you a joke. This girl was walking on the sidewalk and she was homless. This cop came up and asked where she lived. The girl said nowhere. The cop said to get in the car and that she was going to live with him. They got home and te cop said make yourself at home, I am going to take a shower. The girl said can I take a shower with you. The cop said no, the girl said please, the cop said no, the girl said please, then cop the cop says alright, but dont look down. They are in the shower and she drops the soap. She goes and picks it up and looks up and says, What is that? The cp says that is my little man. Then they get done with their shower and the cop says he is going to bed. The girl asks him if she can go to bed with him. The cop says no, the girls says please, the cop say alright. They are in bed and the girl asks if she can play with his little man. The cop says no, she says please, and he says ok. The next day he wakes up in the hospital, and the girl is standing next to his bed. He asks her what happened. The girl say tat when she was playing with his little man that it pied on her so she bit it off. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Now that is a joke that is worth laughing at.

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What?! There's no pool here?" Long pause.

"Uh.. is this 832-4821?"

"No this is 832-4823?"

"oooppps! Sorry I dialed the wrong number!"

That is so funny!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!
Please Pick me!!!!!!!! I love all the jokes on here!!!!!!