A neighbor boy punched my 10 year old son in the face and hit him with a stick, leaving visible bruises. My son did not hit back, but told the boy's mother. She grounded her son. So, I didn't feel the need to talk to her about it. I told my son to kick the boy's butt next time the boy tried to take a swing at him.
I don't want my son to start fights, but I do want him to defend himself if someone else starts one. Did I do the right thing?
2006-08-08 11:05:33 · 51 answers · asked by cateyes1_75 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Kids have to learn to stand up for themselves. Sometimes, when dealing with a bully, the best way to stop the bully is to fight back.
Just be sure to explain to him that he shouldn't beat the other kid unconscious, or use extreme force that can really cause serious injuries.
And make sure he does tell adults about what is going on. Most adults will understand that it's a matter of self defense, not a matter of wanting to fight. They also need to be aware that one of the children involved is picking fights or acting out aggressively in the first place, so that the child's behavior can be monitored.
It's really hard to tell a child to fight back, because sometimes we, as adults, worry that their judgment won't tell them when it's a good time to do so. You just have to roll with it, and hope for the best, and trust that your son will know when it's right to fight, and when it's right to walk away. You might try talking to him about different situations, and how he should handle each one. For example, if a 16 year old goes after him, he probably shouldn't fight back, but instead seek the help of an adult immediately, as the 16 year old can seriously hurt him in a fight. He also needs to understand that if a 5 year old hits him, he needs to exercise restraint, as he could similarly really hurt a smaller child. Just prepare him for all eventualities as best you can.
2006-08-08 11:19:42 · answer #1 · answered by Bronwen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were right in one sense but not quite right in another. It's true that in this case, he should have defended himself perhaps by hitting back to stop the other boy from hitting him. However, how far should he go in defending himself? Should he chase the other child down to hit him back when he could have just walked away instead? Defending himself and taking revenge/getting even are two very different things. Your son should know the difference.
If this had happened at school, and your son hit back, he probably would have been suspended along with the instigating child. Generally, hitting back makes the "victim" just as guilty as the perpetrator.
Most schools have a zero tolerance policy not to mention they don't want to be sued by the parents of kids who are the aggressors when they find out their child's victims were not suspended too for hitting back.
I think it's important that you talk to the other child's parents to help your boys solve their differences. Othewise, it could fester and escalate into more serious problems. Right now I imagine the other boy is furious at your boy for "squealing" and is probably plotting a way to get back at him. The problem will not simply go away by ignoring it.
2006-08-08 12:11:04 · answer #2 · answered by maxma327 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel you did the right thing. Now turning the cheek is one thing, but it is definetly alright to defend ones self. Since he is 10yr old he can understand the difference of defending one's self and starting a fight. Have some good talks with your son about different ways to defend ones self with the proper amount of force. He shouldn't beat the kids face in if he only got pushed, but if the kid was trying to beat his face in...he should hit back or get away enough to make the kid stop. My Dad would talk about those things with me and we would practice, now I do with my kids. Just keep open dialog with your son about life and these issues. Im sure he will be fine. You did the right thing.
2006-08-08 11:16:54 · answer #3 · answered by m0mmatcat 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would think that it's perfectly reasonable for him to defend himself, but I don't think that "kicking the boy's butt" would be such a great idea. Of course, 2 wrongs don't make a right, so, if possible, instead of fighting back physically, he should probably try to walk away. Hopefully this boy's mother grounding him will teach him a lesson, though.
2006-08-08 11:11:47 · answer #4 · answered by answers 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were 100% right. Kids, just like adults, need to stand up for themselves or risk being victimized repeatedly.
But, today violence is much worse then it was when I was a kid.
There is little surprise when a 12, 13, 14 year old is arrested for murder.
I think using a stick is cause to call the police.
If you know this other family and are sure they are not raising felons then what you did was correct.
2006-08-09 15:41:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are so many variables to this...
What kind of family is it that this boy belongs to? Are they the type of people who would sue you if your child hit back?
My personal advice is to teach your boy how to defend himself, but first try and find out why the other boy hit your son. Often that is a way one young boy tries to make friends with another young boy. I'm not saying I approve but, it happens.
It would be best for both of them if they could become friends. Why don't you ask the boy over for a playdate and see what happens?
2006-08-08 11:11:54 · answer #6 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your right. Everyone has a right to self defense, and as my dad says " Don't let anyone put their hands on you, and dont put your hands on anyone else!" hah. However, alot of schools do have a zero tolerance policy, and will punish both parties involved in fighting. Just tell your son that if anything happens in school, and he is brought to the principals office, to tell an adult " I need to call my mom"; as simple as that. Then, well, im sure you can take it from there : ).
2006-08-11 18:00:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your son that it is always okay to DEFEND himself, but never okay to start a fight. Tell him even if he gets suspended from school for BEING in a fight, if he did NOT start it (or cause it) and he was only defending himself, he will NOT be in trouble. Even better, make sure the school KNOWS that you know it's not your childs fault, and that he will not be disciplined further at home for defending himself. And yes, I do think you DEFINITELY did the right thing! Congrats!
2006-08-09 02:52:03 · answer #8 · answered by Amy G 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you did'nt do anything wrong. Just sit your son down and talk with him about when fighting is acceptable. Make sure he knows not to go around and start fights, but if someone hits him like that it's more than ok to hit back.
2006-08-08 12:26:02 · answer #9 · answered by tifmears 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well... I personally wouldn't have told my child that because if he defends himself he can get hurt even worse. But, I do know where you are coming from. He will need to learn to defend himself at some point in time. He can't go his whole life letting people walk all over him.
2006-08-08 11:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋