i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, he constantly tells me he loves me and wants to be with me always and grow old with me etc, however he hasnt proposed or asked me to move in with him yet. also hes only affectionate when he wants something.
when i have quizzed him about it he has said that the time isnt right yet to get married etc, so why is he telling me he does want to marry me.
he also often proposes when he is drunk and also on one night out we had he said to me 'whe i meet the girl i am going to marry...i am going to wine her dine her, love her always and forever' i asked him of he had met her yet and he said no but he is still looking....
HELP, am i being taken for a ride?
2006-08-08 10:56:55 · 46 answers · asked by charlotte66621442000 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm in that same situation only dif is that he and his daughter live with me. But same thing, "I'm drunk, lets go to the courthouse."
I've grown to think it will never happen. I dont think he's ready to commit.
As to your guy saying he hasnt met the woman he wanted to marry yet. I'd run screaming. Sounds to me like he is immature and not ready yet. *I think you let your guard down when you're drunk and say the first thing that comes to your head, be it truth or smoke out of your ***.
:) I wish you luck and if you need a freind feel free to contact me.
2006-08-08 11:04:17 · answer #1 · answered by Steph 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Most definitely you are being taken for a ride. If he hasn't asked you to move in with him - a commitment - after 5 years, he is never going to. When people are drunk they say things they havn't got the courage to say when they are sober and I think him telling you he hasn't met the right one yet, plus he doesn't want to live with you, means he is telling the truth. As hard as it is for you, you have to face up to the fact that he is using you until somebody better comes along. I am so sorry to be so brutal, but I really think you should cut your losses and move on. You deserve a whole lot better than this creep. Value yourself and get out now. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you will find happiness.
2006-08-09 06:17:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's treating you really badly. Given that he isn't against the idea of marriage in principal, then 5 years is a long time to be with someone and still think it isn't the right time.
As for the comment that he hasn't met the girl he's going to marry yet - surely that's clear enough?
Do you really want to stay with him? If you're with him, you can't meet someone who you can have a proper, committed adult relationship with. If you split up with him it might hurt like hell for a while, but after that at least you'd be free to meet someone else who would be right for you and committed to you.
I was in a similar situation to you - relationship not moving forward. I got out, was single for a couple of years and then met my fiancé. I couldn't be happier and I'm glad I got out of my old relationship when I did.
You have to make a decision based on yourself though, whatever you decide I hope it makes you happy in the end. Good luck.
2006-08-08 11:28:42 · answer #3 · answered by pomme_blanche_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im just out of a relationship and was engaged to him for 5 years went out for 6 so i always knew that we wouldnt get married we didnt live with each other either and one evening that was it he finished it. I no you dont want to hear it but i think he is taking u for a ride i think you should look at ur relationship and ask urself is this is what u really want? Could u do better? (and of course u can love) people are telling me i wasted 6 years of my life but i dont see it like that but in the long run how long are u going to let this go on? if you dont see ur relationship going anywhere it shouldnt be up to you to ask him to move in or get married.
Wishing you the best of luck
2006-08-08 11:26:55 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think he's just taking advantage of you. You deserve more affection and more respect. You really should sit down and think of all the things he's done for you. Ask yourself if he's really worth the wait. You need to figure out what YOU want from him... do you really want to be with him for the rest of your life? If you are considering marriage, I would suggest that you have a discussion with him... see if he's actually planning on a future with you. If he is and it seems like he's thriving to have a future with you, maybe stick around a little longer and see what happens. But if he's not even considering, just move on.
Love yourself more... stop letting him take you for granted. Time passes by so fast and you won't be young forever. If he doesn't even treat you that well, why don't you find someone who really cherishes you?
2006-08-08 11:13:53 · answer #5 · answered by Shaowa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, and with gas prices the way they are, it's time to find a new car!
He doesn't sound like he's ready to settle down, but you are. This is seldom a good combination. Go find someone else that will "wine you, dine you and love you always and forever" before you start resenting your current boyfriend. Who knows? Your leaving may cause him to grow up and realize how much he does love you! Don't hold your breath . . . that usually only happens in the movies.
Good luck!
2006-08-08 11:06:10 · answer #6 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the last paragraph that you wrote say it all. When you asked him if he found the woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life, he basically told you it wasn't going to be you. I think either you should have a SERIOUS talk (while you are both sober) or you should break up with him and get on with your life. He seems to be a wasting your time. I know 5 years is a long time to put into a relationship, but that is long enough to have had a serious talk about whether you're "the one" for each other. Good Luck.
2006-08-08 13:22:24 · answer #7 · answered by Elizabeth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres only one way you can deal with this effectivly, it may hurt but you have to give him an ultimatum. At the end of the day you do want to be wined and dined, and loved forever. And there is that man out there, dont accept second best, go out there and meet the man that wants you as much as you want him. I wish you all the best. All us women want is love, affection and security. And by the sounds of it you are not getting that.
2006-08-08 21:45:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you are, but assuming you are both adults and have been dating for 5 years, it sounds like he has all he wants from you right now, and he may be quite happy going along like you are for many years in the future.
You need to decide what it is you want. If you are happy to wait around for a few years or more, then you can keep going along like you are right now. If you want to get married--either to him or have the opportunity to meet and marry someone else in the near future--then you need to talk to him about it.
Have a talk about where each of you sees yourselves in the next 5 years, 10 years, etc. You don't need to nag, cry, or get nasty, you just need to know if your dreams and plans match up with his dreams and plans. Then you can make an informed decision about what you want to do next. Best Wishes.
2006-08-08 11:05:50 · answer #9 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are an adult woman who has made it clear that you want marriage, 5 years is long enough. Sit him down and tell him flat out what you want out of your relationship. If he keeps balking or makes excuses, tell him that if that is the case, you two were not as much "on the same page" as you thought and that you have to move on.
Leaving him will probably hurt and suck and be all sorts of not fun, but you deserve better than to be strung along. If you want marriage and he doesn't, you don't need to have any more of your time, love, and affection taken from you.
2006-08-08 11:05:01 · answer #10 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋