get my dads attention positively?...i get straight A's, and i try so hard to be perfect but the only way he ever notices me is when i do things like..getting arrested. Ive tried talking to him...but it feels like a business conversation. what do i do?
2006-08-08 10:47:56 · 25 answers · asked by *Cole* 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Try to plan a special night with him so you too can talk or sit down with him and ask why he only notice you when you are in trouble.
2006-08-08 10:52:26 · answer #1 · answered by Hot Stuff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm.....that's a difficult one.Alot of times,a Dad doesn't pay enough attention to his kids because of everything he is doing all the time.A father's first and highest responsibility is the well being of his family.Sometimes Dad is working so hard and concentrating so much on that goal,he loses sight of the fact that it also includes giving attention to his kids.Even though he may be at home,he may be still thinking about work,bills,whether he can pay everything and still come out ahead,and any other problems he might know about.I don't know your dad,and I am not making excuses for him.I'm just saying that there's probably alot more going on than you know.When I was young,I didn't realize how much my Dad had to deal with.Now I'm grown(some people would argue that point) and I have alot to deal with,my house,my car,and so on,so I now understand a bit better. I am not a professional.I am just somebody who loves my Dad and I have an idea what he went through.I think,you should just keep doing your best,try to stay out of trouble,tell him often you love him,remind him now and then but without hounding him constantly that you would like a little attention from him,and do what you can to help him.Above all,cherish the time you have with him.I know,from experience,we never have enough time with our parents,and when that time is up,you can't et it back and you can't finish anything that was not finished before time ran out.
I hope this helps.
2006-08-08 11:05:09 · answer #2 · answered by brainchild0069 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you got a great dad.
Don't confuse expectations with being ignored. He doesn't expect you to screw up so he doesn't put a lot of effort into helping you make decisions. I know my kids would have killed for that. He believes in you and trust that you will be responsible. On the other hand you said when you do screw up, he notices. How about when you screw up , he's there!
So he take notice when you fall off, what a terrible Dad. Your Dad is so good and you don't even know it.
Check this out:
When he talk to you, its like a business conversation, where do you think you learned how to negotiate for his attention? Because that's what you are doing. When you get older you will appreciate him for it, I just wish I was around to say "Told You So"!
2006-08-08 11:04:22 · answer #3 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt like that when I was younger...that although Dad was "there" he really wasn't interested in me. As an adult, I've found that email (or a letter) is a wonderful way to be completely honest about things...and I don't feel silly. It's funny because even now when we're in person, sometimes actually talking is difficult, but we email every day...just a paragraph or two...always ending in "love ya".
I would try to write him a letter or an email. Maybe sometime you could ask him if he'd consider going to counseling with you. It seems obvious you don't actually want to be getting arrested...maybe you could ask someone like a counselor to setp in and help you to explain to your dad WHY you're getting arrested.
As for your perfection...don't worry so much. Your grades are good...try to focus on who YOU are rather than who your dad is. You will come together eventually.
2006-08-08 10:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by spain_105 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, this is a hard one. My dad is one of my best friends, but he is a father too. He knows when to joke around, when to listen, and when to punish me when if I'm bad. It's sad that you have to take the reigns and start a good relationship w/ him. He should have done this for you years ago @ day one. Mail him an actual letter through snail mail. Tell him that you are growing up and that he needs to take interest now. Soon you'll be out the door and he'll have lost the chance at helping you deal w/ guys, finances, and life in general. Tell him a good memory of the two of you. Tell him that you don't want that to be the last good memory. Tell him you miss him, and love him. Then schedule a daughter/daddy date, and make him keep it. nag, nag, nag, write it down, and post it where the whole family can see it. I hope he gets the hint.
2006-08-08 11:54:39 · answer #5 · answered by decababe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry your dad is not a good one. It shouldn't be like that - dad's need to spend time with their children. But it is not your fault, so don't do things that will throw your life away just to get noticed by him - it's not worth it.
Does he email? Try sending him an email focusing on your feelings - not blaming him, just tell him how you feel. If no email, does he read the paper? Slip a note into his paper.
If nothing works, always remember - you have another father, your Father in Heaven, who loves you know matter what and will listen to you anytime you need to talk. Don't be afraid to go to him with your problem.
2006-08-08 10:55:42 · answer #6 · answered by John R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know im not a dad...... but i couldnt help answering because i go through the same thing with my dad most of the time.
I want more attention too, but I found out if you difg for it it wont help. Just be nice, be you, and do what you do because of you, and not because of him. He will eventually start paying more attention to you when he relizes you are happy with yourself and you are having fun. Also if you just kind of make yourself more busy so he sometimes has to work around you and he cant always see you then he will realize that he needs to spend more time with you. It has taken me along time to get his attention but it was worth it......Good luck, but know even though your dad doesnt say it he loves you
2006-08-08 10:59:28 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Single Cutie♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men are like that. You could become valedictorian and he probably wouldn't notice. Do you have other siblings? Does he treat them the same? Just be yourself and eventually he will come around. It may be after you move out and then all of a sudden he wants to spend time with you. Don't play into the negative aspects of it though. Keep your nose clean and focus on what you want in life.
2006-08-08 11:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your parents are still together try talking to your mom about it. Or a family member. If that doesn't work try writing him a letter laying out exactly how you feel. Make sure you put when you will be home so you can talk about it. (Its better if you are at school or a friends house when he reads it. Give him an hour or two to think about what you've written.)
2006-08-08 10:53:01 · answer #9 · answered by Steph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a major league BUMMER!!! The problem is that you can't fix him. It is not your fault. Can you talk to a school counselor, minister, priest, or other trusted adult? You understand that it's not you, right? Your Dad is hurting or hurt somehow and can't do what he needs to do. That doesn't take away your needs nor your right to love, affection, support, and all the things you need.
PS. I'd give my right arm for a daughter like you. My kids were boys.
2006-08-08 11:01:44 · answer #10 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋