Addicted Sister in law-what to do?

Question

My sister in law just lost her baby to the state for the time being. We're trying to get the baby up here to us but it is slow going. My question I guess is my husband feels very guilty because he wants his sister clean and everyone in his family is asking him to let her live with us since we're doing the "best". I don't want her living with us and neither does he really, you can't give an adult rules and if she does something and we want to kick her out how can we if she takes the baby with her? I'm so unsure of what to do. Should we let her live with us? Or is it a disaster waiting to happen??

By the "best" I mean in a monetary way which is ridiculous because we have 2 kids of our own, car payment, house payment....normal stuff we live paycheck to paycheck...but i alone make something like $7 more an hour than his dad...it's a sad situation, my brother is an addict and so is my mom...i guess I just feel terrible if i say no to my husband....i don't want to be a jerk. but i think he knows what's right too.

Answer 1

Take this from personal experience: BAD,BAD, BAD idea. If his family is THAT concerned with her wellbeing-they should take her in.

I went through the same thing with my sister and there is nothing good to come out of this. Just because she's living with you and has the two of you as good role models, does not mean that she will be a good person. (that's nothing bad against you and your husband). Drugs distort everything and you'll be putting yourselves at risk for all sorts of things: strangers in your house, theft of your personal things, possible physical harm, etc,etc.

I know you guys want to help her but just don't let her live with you. PARTICULARLY if you are going to have her child in your custody at some point. That poor baby has been through enough and having it's mother there is NOT going to make it any better. This is just not an easy thing to deal with and I wish you the best.

Answer 2

She should probably live in a group home at this point. There is probably on in your area and you should check them out. Look in the yellow pages for your town/area. Living with you would definately be a disaster waiting to happen. If you are 'doing the best' you want to stay that way. Tell family members about group homes for women with addictions and let them decide on that or one of them taking her themselves. Look into the Mental Health Facilities in your area, they usually have a lot of information on group homes and half way houses. I'm surprised the state didn't tell her that she has to do something like that in order to get her baby back. But please don't take her into your home. I don't want to sound cold or uncaring because I've had to deal with this situation in my own life and I was the addicted on. She can and will ruin your marriage and your life. Check into those things and you will be much better off. Good Luck

Answer 3

She needs to be in rehab . That is the best interest of her and her child...... She is an addict and I would not allow my sister or sister in law to come and live with me if she was an addict. I value my home and its belongings as I am sure you do too.
As I have seen first hand what an addict can do with their stuff and anyone Else's they can get their hands on. The first person who will buy it for 20.00 not matter what you paid for it, they addict is just looking for the next fix.
So I say, no do not let her live with you.
Gain custody of the child or at least guardian ship and DO NOT feel guilty for someone Else's action. She is an adult and makes the choice to be an addict. You didn't twist her hand or arm. SO take her child which is the innocent on getting hurt here and do the best you can. Let your sister in law admit herself into a rehab program and get her life together. That is if she wants too. As if she is not wanting the help from professionals to get clean and stay clean, your just wasting your time on her. As she's gotta want to be clean to stay clean..

Answer 4

You really can't predict how things will go and adults can have rules. That's your home and you have a right to set ground rules especially when a baby is concerned. Don't make it sound like rules. Make them conditions that need to be met. Be aware that this will cause stress on your marriage and don't forget to go out just the two of you and fire up the romantic side of your marriage. In the long run it will be easier to deal with the situation if you do it as a team.

Answer 5

It sounds like she needs help rather than just a place to live. I would suggest finding her some kind of rehabilitation facility. Addicts can take advantage of family members better nature of trying to help. Remember a person in that kind of a situation is not thinking clearly and making sound decisions. She may be a beautiful person but when there is an addiction involved they are not the same as you have known them. Its a dark path they are on adn very shaky ground. There are also half way houses she can stay in where she will be responsible to report for testing and counseling. Also if she is unwilling to enter into treatment for herself the state can impose what I believe is called a "baker act" that will force her into treatment if they see she is not stable. All the best of luck to you. I know its difficult to feel helpless in a situation where a loved one is really causing alot of self destruction to themselves and their family. Be patient as its all a slow going process - take each day as it comes and hope for the best in every situation. In my opinion, I would take in her child who is helpless and needs your extra care and love at this time. Your sister in law needs professional help, if you take her in as well I think she will be worse off and most likely take advantage of your help offer. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 6

If you have custody of the baby, she can't take the baby away. Maybe you should tell her to get clean and then give her the option of moving in with you. Follow your instincts on this. Your husbands family want you two to take her in but aren't willing to do so themselves? After adding a baby to your family? Sounds like disaster no matter what you do.

Answer 7

DO NOT (repeat) DO NOT let her move in with you!!! She has to want to clean herself up. Not her parents or her brother. If she moves in,it could put to much stress on your marriage. Why doesn't everyone in his family take her and the baby in??? I hope you can get the baby. That will the Mommy get clean. And the "best" can take care of the baby. Good luck. I do hope you get the baby. You may have your handsful if the Mom was taking drugs when pg,the baby could be an addiced too.

Answer 8

It's probably going to be a disaster waiting to happen ...if she is not ready to give up the drugs you are fighting a losing battle and its a reason no one else want to put up with her but this is something that you and your husband really need to come to a decision with all I can say is good luck and I'm glad you can't send her here to me!!!

Answer 9

Where will her addiction lead her if nothing changes? Do you care what happens to her? Tough love is the hardest thing to do. Ask yourself what will happen if you do little or nothing and if you can live with yourself if you do little or nothing. There maybe more alternatives than you think.....ask around, will you?

Can't tell what the future holds for you, but woulda, coulda, shoulda are not what I have in mind for my life.

Answer 10

I wouldn't keep her. You can definitely help her on the side, like help her get back on her feet and help her financially but don't bring it into your house. This sounds like a disaster waiting to just happen.