My boyfreind and I have been together for maybe over a year or so. I have been told I have a terrable sickness, My boyfrind understood and has been helping me get around and makeing sure I get my chemo. Now that its has gotten worse he has been very quite and wants more alone time. He will lock him self in our bedroom and just totally changed. I have also never asked him to help me or take care of me. He did that on him own. Now talking about it with him he gets in to this mood and hides.
2006-08-08 09:45:51 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am sorry to hear that you are ill. I hope you get better soon.
Clearly your boyfriend loves you. He has stayed with you and helped with your healthcare needs. He sounds like a nice man.
He is probably sad, hurt, and frightened. The worst thing for a man is a problem he has to face and cannot solve. He has to watch you suffer. He may lose you. All he can do is be there for you and help when he can. But, he cannot make it better. Men really hate this feeling of impotence. It is very hard for us to deal with.
I think he should join a support group for men who have wives/lovers with cancer. He will hear that they all feel the same way and he will know that his feelings are normal.
Also, let him know how much you love him, how much you appreciate his care, and that you are glad he's your man and that you're his woman. When you feel up to it, seduce him. Let him know you desire him.
2006-08-08 10:00:38 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 14⤊ 2⤋
He is depressed about your condition and probably afraid of losing you. When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer I kind of withdrew from him and even felt like I didn't really want to be around him. I think it was kind of a subconscious way of protecting myself from the hurt I felt that he could die.
You two have not been together very long. Maybe he feels like he cannot handle this kind of situation with you at this stage in your relationship, and probably desperately wishes things could go back to "normal".
That said, it is hard to say what to do. You could tell him that you are very concerned about him, about your relationship. If he won't open up to you, you could set up a counseling appt.
If he is like my husband, and doesn't want to talk to anyone at all when he is upset, then I would suggest getting some outside help for your needs and let him have a break, and if there is any good news at all of your condition, reassure him with that.
God bless and best of luck to both of you.
2006-08-08 17:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by mynickname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he might be really scared... of losing u? of being in a relationship and not knowing where it's going? sickness can be a huge strain on a relationship.. not cuz he doesn't love you necessarily, but it's an outside factor that can affect things other than what normall could've happened... i think u need to be strong, for urself right now. do what u need to do be positive, happy, reach out to friends and loved ones. don't depend all of ur happiness on him, but just let him know silently that u need him. like u said, u never asked him, but he took care of u. if u need to sit him down, tell him his silence makes u feel uncomfortable and scared, and alone. if he doesn't want to listen, give him some time, he may be dealing w/ some problems he can't talk about with you.... but if u don't feel he is there for you or doesn't care for u, it can be a decision of breaking up w/ him or not. but if u feel that he does love and care for you, and just needs time to get a grip on the situation, let him have some time to breathe... just make sure u take care of ur needs. if he makes u feel negative or sad or depressed u have to talk about it with him.
2006-08-08 16:52:17 · answer #3 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First Iam sorry that Ur sick and I hope and pray the chemo works...
but i have to say this... this is the first time Ive read answer from ppl on here with no hate to it, too me that's a great thing, that means there's still hope in this world, that there are caring and kind ppl in the world, my heart goes out for you and Ur boyfriend, but my faith in man just got bigger from reading all the nice things ppl have told you
2006-08-08 17:05:28 · answer #4 · answered by truthfinder1960 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry about your sickness. He's probably very scared and doesn't know how to deal with it. Some people aren't good about emotions and get confused, depressed, and even angry when faced with the kind of thing you're going through. Just give him the space and the time he needs, and maybe find support elsewhere too.....so that he's not the only one you have to talk to.
Many blessings to you :-)
2006-08-08 16:55:09 · answer #5 · answered by grace 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry to hear about your sickness, I wish there was something I could do, my mother has been sick with a sickness since I was born so I can relate, but what it sounds like here is that your boyfriend was up to the challenge when he first found out that you were sick, but he didn't really know what he was getting himself into and now he is afraid and second guessing himself. You should probably talk to him first, but that is just my opinion. Good luck and God Bless! If you need anything please let me know!
2006-08-08 16:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie if you are hurting than your partner might be hurting more because he knows there is nothing he can do to help your sickness.watching you going through this im sure is traumatic for him as well.men dont cope too well with things like sickness so its easier for him to hide than to open up with you and tell you how he feels. he loves you and dont want to lose his woman. hope everything works out for you,,,,,good luck get better soon
2006-08-08 16:55:21 · answer #7 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear that. But it sounds like that your boyfriend is a little scared right now . He doesn't know what else to do . He doesn't want to let you see him how his is . Just give him some time . But it sounds like he's there for you . He'll come around .
2006-08-08 17:03:52 · answer #8 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best way to get a guy to open up is to talk about it while sitting on his LEFT side. It stimulates the right side of the brain and that is the side that thinks normally. the left side of the brain thinks abstractly so if you want him to think abstractly talk to him on his right side.
Dont look at him, guys dont really like that. at least all the ones i know dont. its women that like it when you look them in the eye, not men.
Do this while watching tv. talk about it during the commercials...but make sure you are sitting on his left hand side.
good luck.
2006-08-08 16:53:34 · answer #9 · answered by ziggunerin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may just be upset because it's getting worse, like he can't help you. He doesnt know what to do.
Something similar happened to me and my ex when I got very sick. talk to him and try to explain to him that he doesnt have to heal you just care. He may pull out of it by himself or he will grow MORE distanced from you
good luck with your man and your chemo
2006-08-08 16:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by attila 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋