Every time I talk to my sister in law, all she can do is complain. She has a baby, and chose to stay home and being a stay at home mom, now every time she calls me up, she complains at how much work it is. It's really starting to annoy me. I don't deny that being a stay at home mom is not hard, but why does she constantly complain if it's the situation she chose?
Now she is insisting my brother get a house cleaner, even though she stays at home. My brother says the house is messy and that she hardly cleans. She even insists that my brother, who is hard working attorney help clean the house, and cook his own food. He works really hard, like 70 hours a week.
I have been thinking about telling him to tell her just to get a job, and for them to hire a housekeeper.
2006-08-08 06:52:35 · 18 answers · asked by Rose 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I don't want to help her around her house, I am attorney as well, and bring home a paycheck.
2006-08-08 07:06:52 · update #1
Sit her down and talk to her....Tell her that you know she may be overwhelmed with her situation, but that it is hers to deal with.
If she's an openminded person introduce her to www.flylady.net This site isn't for everyone, but it has worked wonders for me....I used to be the sisterinlaw. I loved being home with my 4 kids, but I was just overwhelmed with all that needed to be done.
Flylady will help you stop being a "martyr" and learn to run your house through routines and such.
I hope it helps.
Good luck.
Beth
2006-08-08 07:40:32 · answer #1 · answered by Bethany 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have a 15 year old and a ten month old. I was 23 when I had my first, and boy, was it hard to be a stay at home Mom( my husband would not let me work outside the home) When we got divorced I went to college, did my homework (3.4 GPA) and worked while my son was in daycare, and let me tell you, that was wayyyyy easier than being at home 100% of the time. I don't think it is so much the work, as it is the lonely ness that gets woman depressed, therefore low energy and bitching all the time. Now, 15 years later, I have a beautiful baby girl, a very clean house, home cooked meals every night and a husband who does not do alot ( don't want him to, he works hard enough) I am much more mentally mature , and so greatfull to have another opportunity to stay home with my daughter, I do not want to work outside the house cause I hate the thought of anyone else raising her. She also sleeps about 14 hours in a day, where my son only slept 10, plus she is happy entertaining herself, where my son demanded constant attention, so yes, it can be a lot more work than any other job, and if she is so unhappy with it and her husband supports her with getting a job she should. She should not expect him to help out much during the weak, but a little on the weekend is only fair
2006-08-08 07:47:01 · answer #2 · answered by Cherie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people just do not get it. You make a choice and deal with it. Others do have the right to complain. I have been on both sides of the coin. When I was working and married, I had to do it all...take care of the house and kids and work 8 hours a day on top of it. He never pitched in much unless the situation suited him someway or other. When I was home I never got thanked for taking care of things at all. But I did not complain. I enjoyed doing for my kids and him until I found out when the kids were 11 and 4 that he was done with the marriage. A mom who stays home all the time does need down time too...and getting a job is not actually down time. She needs the chance to be away from her kids and house for a while to reenergize. THE COMPLAINERS....better think about their sitaution. They may have it good and should be grateful for it. I am not a single mom and have to do it all again by myself. But I get the kids to help. And you know what....they do and it is such fun to see how my son and daughter do those chores....it is never perfectly done but it gets done.
2006-08-08 08:47:31 · answer #3 · answered by taljalea 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I won't lie, it's a hard job, I have done it for years... but my house was cleaned and dishes and food done too.. so my husband never complained...
I think it all depends on who the stay at home mom is and what she does by staying home... sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day and watch soaps or actually take care of the kids and cook and clean, run errands etc..
If she keeps it up say something... suggest her getting a job so she can find out what it is like to have a job AND take care of the stuff at home too like cooking , cleaning and taking care of everyone.... THEN she will stop complaining... ( I would tell my brother that too..)
Otherwise there are some ppl who are never happy and complain ALL the time about their situation , even though they did chose it...
2006-08-08 06:59:51 · answer #4 · answered by nknicolek 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im sure moms who work could be envious. IT goes both ways. SOme days I envy moms who arent putting up with the screaming and get to actually be an adult sometimes and get out in the world and be important to a company than just a family. Then there are the moms who are behind the desk with writers block just thinking about what they wish they could be making for lunch for their little one. The grass is never greener on the other side, so I wont hate moms for working or staying home. That would be immature. A question for those moms who work and hate SAHM's. Do you hate your child's day care provider? I would consider them a form of stay at home parents. Weather they be a parent or not. Some one has to take care of the kids.
2016-03-27 03:58:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are crazy!! I just got done visiting my brother and his wife and two babies! Yes the house is a mess, Yes stay at home moms do complain, but it is honestly hard work! Babies are a big responsibility and going to work is hard but at the same time the husband is getting away doing his own thing feeling productive. The moms don't have that sense of productivity because they feel they are missing out or should be doing something else. But the best answer is compromise, my brother is the President of a hospital and he has a lot on his mind, but at the same time they compromise on a lot of things. Open communication is key and whatever you do don't get involve in the middle. The mom will get upset with you and your brother will always listen but at the same time he will tell his wife. So compromise!!!
2006-08-08 06:59:57 · answer #6 · answered by Eddie K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a stay at home mom. Does your sister-in-law have a newborn? If so they are a lot of work and she is probably still recuperating herself.
I have a 3 month old and just recently I got to where I could actually get things done while I was at home during the day.
If this is the case with your sister-in-law then give her a break for a while. She probably feels like she can talk to you is why you hear all the complaining.
2006-08-08 07:02:41 · answer #7 · answered by lucyp 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she really is complaining a lot.. I'm a stay at home mom with two kids, one on the way, and I operate a business from home. I feel like complaining a lot.. but I don't :) It sounds like she wants some attention.. maybe she is starved of human contact. I get depressed sometimes just because I don't see many people other then my kids. Maybe she just calls you because she is lonely? If your brother works 70 hours a week it will be even worse for her.. maybe she also have post-partum depression. It can be hard to work when you're depressed and lonely.
2006-08-08 07:01:20 · answer #8 · answered by email_2_nat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not only stay-at-home moms that complain. Women that choose to go back to work, even if they don't need the money complain too. Even if a woman stays home she still needs support from their partner around the home, and a lot of men think that just because the woman stays home that she does not deserve a break once in a while. My husband will cook dinner once in a while and stay with our son so I can have a day out with friends.
2006-08-08 06:57:42 · answer #9 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like she could use a job. I stay at home and I find it very dull , not too much happens here. Because I have a lot of time, I put my house work off until later and then I get annoyed because the house is a wreck . Time constraints are great motivating factors , and when there aren't any people tend to get lazy.
2006-08-08 07:01:23 · answer #10 · answered by primamaria04 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has complaints about their job--even jobs they love and have chosen. A teacher may love teaching and hate grading papers. A doctor may love helping people but have a few patients that just drive her/him crazy.
Your sister-in-law is probably complaining to you all the time because she thought you'd be sympathetic. You might try doing that sometimes and see if it helps. And while your brother may work 70 hours a week at his job, she is working 168 hours a week at hers. Why should she be the one who has to do *all* the additional work of housekeeping?
2006-08-08 07:12:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋