Ok, he was cheating online persay and I found out. He admitted it and begged me not to leave him. We've been together for a long time so I decided to give him another chance. he had been having this online afffair from FEB-MAY and now, after all this drama went down, I am having odd feelings about this relationship. I love him with all my heart and I've done so much for him. I don't see why he would do this to me because I give him everything he could possibly want. He said he just wanted to talk to someone, like a pen pal. But pen-pals don't say the things he was saying, believe me, it was worse than bad. So I don't know what to do, and I'm wondering if he's cheated on me physcally. Someone please give me some advice, I feel like I'm stuck in a giant hole that I can't get out of. Plus I'm afraid that he'll do it again. What do I do?
2006-08-08 05:25:03 · 45 answers · asked by BamaBelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not sure if anyone can give you a definitive answer on what to do here. The reason being no one knows for sure what is going on in your boyfriends head and heart for that matter. A lot of people do simply just play online for the simple thrill of it without taking things beyond that point. They do this because it is much easier to pretend and say things to someone you really don't know online compared to doing that with their partner. Ultimately this is about you and what you want for your future and if you can ever really trust him. Trust is very important in a relationship and once you loose that the relationship is doomed. Deep down inside I think you know or have serious suspicions about if he has ever cheated on you physically. Follow your gut instincts on this. If you feel he did and you know you can't trust him then it is time to walk away from this relationship. If not you still have to figure out if you can ever trust him again.
2006-08-08 05:32:21 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be painful and you may love him, but you need to terminate the relationship. It might be painful and you'll think you made the wrong choice if you miss him, but he doesn't love you the way he should if he's "cheating" on you. And giving him everything he wants wont make a good relationship, then he'll just use you to get what he wants. A relationship is compromises and if he really loves you he wouldn't want you to do all these things for him, and by doing them your probably just making the situation worse. I'm not saying theeres no potential for a good relationship, but you need to at least seperate for a while and see how he changes... Tell him that you need some time apart, and if he just finds someone else in a month, chances are he had little to no feelings for you the person, and only wanted you for what you could do for him.
2006-08-08 05:35:02 · answer #2 · answered by el_huevo_de_la_noche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was honest about the online affair, ask him, he might be honest about real life. And always trust your instincts, if what he says sounds fishy it probably is. If you still love him and want to be with him and think that you can get past this then maybe you should consider couple's counseling. If that sounds like to much of a bother then it probably is, leave him. You don't owe him anything just because you were together so long. He's already told you he's willing to risk the relationship by cheating in the first place.
2006-08-08 05:34:06 · answer #3 · answered by vampire_kitti 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him to get to steppin! He was not a pen pal, he was getting ready to do the horizontal mambo. Once a person shows they are a cheat, wht you have been lucky to see is the real person behind the smiles and manipulation. This never changes, he was caught so of course he is going to feel bad, do not waste you life with a cheater.
He knows you 'love him with all your heart' - here is a new kind of love, love yourself more. Enough to decide you deserve better. You know in you heart he is still shady, so do what you know you must, get rid of him. Here is a nice one, go online , do the same thing, tell him you found someone else.
2006-08-08 05:34:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok... we all know you love him. HE knows u love him. that is NOT the problem. the problem is that you can't trust him..and u have valid reasons not to. HE needs to work on that, HE needs to build ur trust up again. you've been the committed one. u've done all the work, that's why u feel burnt out. u've done all for him, and gotten nothing back. this is not a healthy relationship. what u need to do is set ur boundaries: what do u expect from ur relationship w/ him?? tell him what u have expected from urself as a good girlfriend, and tell him what u expect from him as a good boyfriend. u need to find out if u have the same goals for eachother... do u want to get married? are u going to be able to marry someone u can't trust? he has to understand that. if he doesn't, or can't change, or keep saying one thing and u can't trust him, u have to let him go. not because u don't love him enough, but because u have to take care of urself too, not just him. u have to be happy too. u have to find someone who Makes you feel safe, secure, loved, wanted and needed. if u don't set those boundaries, u will be miserable. find the confidence in urself, know that u deserve the best. and be the best, so that u are worthy of that guy who is the best.
2006-08-08 05:38:12 · answer #5 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has done the worst for of cheating,let me explain:
When men cheat it is purely physical. Your boyfriend cheated emotionally. When men have affairs they usually are unsatisfied sexually, because your boyfriend cheated on you with an online relationship it means he was emotionally looking for someone else. This means he was using you and looking for something better. He basically cheated like a woman would. This is the worst form of cheating in men, because it's unnaturaul for them to act that way.
Your boyfriend tried to justify the cheating because you let him walk over you. Now he is resenting you because he knows what he did was wrong, but he has no consequence other than you two breaking up.
Because he cheated emotionally and physcially, it shows he doesn't care about the consequence of loosing you. He doesn't love you because hes unsatisfied, and you don't love him because you cant trust him.
If he needed someone to talk to you have no communication in the relationship and he will cheat again, because no matter how hard you try, it will not work.
Leave before he makes it worst for you.
2006-08-08 05:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by Poestalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no real distinction between "physical" cheating and any other kind of long range cheating. The fact that he does it means that he wants something different from what you're giving him. You can try to find out what it is that she's offering to him in their online connection so that you can replace it, or you can leave him. Because, at this point he's with you because he'd rather be with you than alone, not because you are anything very special to him.
I'm really sorry. But believe me when I say that there is only one kind of cheating. And your boyfriend did it.
2006-08-11 08:08:08 · answer #7 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, being with someone for a long time is not a reason to excuse them from doing things you would normally dump someone for if it's just been a month of dating. sorry to say, but chances are, if he cheated once he'll do it again. You see, if someone is capable of breaking your trust once which is usually the hardest, then it will only get easier for them to lie and deceive you. Once the lying starts, it never stops. Good luck, I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
2006-08-08 05:30:10 · answer #8 · answered by sickandtiredinpa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without trust, relationships never work out. Even if the people stay together one or the other will be unhappy and resentful because of the lack of trust. If you want to stay with him, tell him how you feel. He will have to earn your trust back. Lay out in no uncertain terms what you need from him to help you heal from this. An online affair is just as damaging as an actual physical affair. Make him work to earn your trust, don't just let it blow over. If you do, he will feel free to do it again because there were no consequences.
2006-08-08 05:32:21 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two words, girlfriend.
LEAVE HIM!
Run, don't walk, from this relationship. He cheated on you. You've given everything to him. You don't need that crap, girl. You're strong and in control. You've got a lot to offer a guy. This loser doesn't even have a clue what it means to be in a real relationship.
I know it's terrifying to be single and I know you've been with him so long, he feels like an investment, but think about it. Why would you want to be with someone who treats like you are worthless?
I know you can do it, girl. Say it loud. Say it proud. Hit the road!!!
2006-08-08 05:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by Flutter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋