My question is about sharing responsibilities. I'm desparate!! Will you PLEASE give me advice?

Question

I share an apartment with a friend during the school year.

She NEVER cleaned all last year. I cleaned everything, all the time, by myself.

I asked her to help several times, and she said she'd get around to it, but she never would. It's not like *I* don't have better things to do too, but I refuse to live in filth.

School will be starting soon, and we're going to be sharing this apartment again, so does anyone have any advice so that this doesn't turn into a repeat of last year?

I value her friendship, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm sick of doing more than my share of the cleaning.

What do you think I should say to her, or do, about this?

Answer 1

Make a chart listing various chores that need to be done around the house. Schedule it for one week increments. When your room mate arrives, ask her to pick out which chores she wants for the first week, and then switch the next (and so forth). This way you make your expectations clear without pointing fingers.

Answer 2

Living with someone is always a difficult task because different lifestyles and values need to find a happy medium.

Since you value the friendship, it is important to resolve this issue. By not hurting her feelings you are hurting your own and the anger and frustration you harbor at being maid will eventually break down the friendship.

Go out to lunch with your friend. Let her know that you value her friendship and am happy that you get along well enough to be roommates. Then let her know that you know she has a busy schedule, but you have a concern that housekeeping issues may put a strain on the relationship. Ask her what ideas she has for keeping the "common" areas of the apartment tidy. Ask if there are certain chores which she enjoys more than others or would prefer to be in charge of.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I'm going through something similar right now, except my roommate is my 19 yr old sister (I'm 25). She expects me to clean up and she doesn't do anything around the house. Your roomate is not your sister, she is not family. You can always get a new roommate. I say that if you value your friendship with her, then take the advice of others on here about working out a chore chart. If she does not agree then start making a plan to move out or to look for a new roommate. Don't stress yourself out, it's unfair to you and I know that you don't want a dirty house. Do what you feel in your heart. Blessings!

Answer 4

Don't worry about hurting her feelings. After all, she is disrespecting you by being messy. If you can't stand her mess everywhere, get a big box and throw all of her stuff she leaves laying around. Tell her, that you wanted to clean up the place and put all of her stuff in that box. That way, the junk is contained and she can either put it away or leave it in the box.
Tell her if she doesn't start cleaning up, you will look for a different place to live. It's not fair to you that you have spend your extra time cleaning up.

Answer 5

Sit down and write out a list of common chores that need done - offer to do half of them for a period of time (say a month) and have her do the other half and then rotate.

Tell her while you like living with her you just really can't stand filth and this is the only way to resolve the issue. Be honest and say that if thigns don't work out you cannot see living together much longer.

Answer 6

I had that problem when I was in college, except "I" was the lazy one! It wasn't because I meant to be, I was simply raised that way, and didn't know much better, nor did I care much about a clean apartment. You obviously come from a different background than your friend as well. You may have to compromise some yourself, such as, try not to be soooo anal about cleanliness, this may be who she is, and you're probably not going to change her now. However, you both have to give a little( or alot) if you're going to live together. Maybe you could tell her you'll accept the place being less than perfect, like stuff laying around, etc, But tell her downright nastiness is not acceptable.( like rotten food, stinky dishes or trash) Tell her if she can keep those instances from happening, then you might better accept a little clutter. Just talk it out, but remember; you have to give as well.

Answer 7

Maybe you could work out some kind of cleaning schedule right from the beginning. Like the first week you are responsible for bathroom (if you share one) and living room and the other for the dining room and kitchen. The next week, you can alternate.

You're each responsible for your own rooms, but will share the responsibility for the "common areas".

I hope this helps...

Good luck, this can be very touchy...

Answer 8

Make a schedule of the things that need to get done and take turns doing them. Write who should do what each day/week. Tell her that it's fair that both of you do the same amount of cleaning around the apartment and that you expect her to follow the schedule so that everything gets done, not just your part of it.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I had the same problem when I was in school, many people do. The only thing you can do to fix this is to get another room mate-dont worry about feelings. You have to face reality-if she did not change all of last year-she will not this year. You need to change! She will not.