I am seeing this guy that I dated a few months ago. When we first dated everything seemed GREAT and he really seemed to like me. Then one day he told me he got back with some chick he was seeing before me. I was cool with it and did my own thing and dated other guys.
Well now we are back and things are even better than ever. How do I get over my fear of becoming vulnerable again to him just to have him ditch me??
...I REALLY LIKE HIM...
2006-08-08 05:06:32 · 11 answers · asked by C-BIZZLE 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Take the chance, that's life. You need to risk to get rewards.
2006-08-08 05:21:12 · answer #1 · answered by rilindy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there isn't much you can do except trust that he won't break your heart. Anything you do to guard or protect yourself from this is only allowing yourself not to trust him, and you can't have a relationship without trust. Whatever it is that does bother you asking questions is the best way to avoid any heart ache. Ask him if he's for real this time? Tell him how it hurt you the last time, letting him know you don't want to go through that again. However, if at any time he's unsure about any of that let him know you rather be hurt now than later. To give you an opportunity for happiness instead of being on hold for someone who may not be there.
2006-08-08 12:19:15 · answer #2 · answered by mrpuffandstuff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What u need to do, is figure out what you want. from yourself, as a girlfriend, from him, as a boyfriend, and from your relationship. set boundaries, and keep ur expectations high. observe how you both act, and react, to situations and problems, and how u deal with them. if you feel that it is a positive relationship, that reinforces you and validates you, makes u feel happy, secure and safe, then u are building the foundation for your trust. but if there are times when he makes u feel scared, or bad, or negative, nip it in the bud right then and there. because u have been in a relationship w/ him before, and he left u before, it's going to be hard to rebuild that trust. HE has to build it up with you; you just have to see if he is honest and sincere. that's why, when u keep ur expectations up, what you are looking for in a boyfriend, keep him accountable. (btw, it only works if u keep urself accountable too). let him know, that when things aren't going right, u have to fix it together. and if there's something that he wont' compromise on, or doesn't validate your feelings, doesn't listen to you, etc... then u have to know that he is giving u indicators that the relationship is NOT what you expect for yourself. because you are worth something good. because you are a great girlfriend, u deserve a great boyfriend. don't settle because you *think* u love him.....loving him is not the problem. the problem is if he loves you the same way, and can fulfill your needs. he may love you back, but if he doesnt' know how to work and grow the relationship and truly commit, he's not right for you. not because ur not good enough, or ur a failure, or ur love is "not good enough", but because you're just not right for eachother at this time. if u keep that in mind, u will never let anyone take u for granted, and u will filter out any bad people out there and keep the positive ones in your life. :)
2006-08-08 12:16:01 · answer #3 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Become more confident in the fact that things really are better than ever. The only real counter for fear is faith.
Sounds like this is a trust issue - can you think of other ways he can demonstrate his trustworthiness? Does he call you when he says he will, or at least have very easily forgivable reasons when he doesn't? Things like that can also help to build up your confidence in him.
2006-08-08 12:16:50 · answer #4 · answered by Katie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it happened once, chances are it will happen again. I think you should get over your fear of dating other guys and let go of this one. It's basically the old mind trap of "I want something that I can't have." You know it's risky, which is why this relationship has such an appeal and creates such a need. Break that need and find something of better value.
2006-08-08 12:18:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will relieve your fear... you have to build trust again. His actions over the next year will either justify your fear or eliminate it.
2006-08-08 12:20:05 · answer #6 · answered by Mike S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are not secure with yourself you will never get over the fear..life is all about taking chances..if you are meant to be together then everything will work out..
2006-08-08 12:11:56 · answer #7 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just put your guard up and keep your male friends around for support if it ever does happen again.
I wish you the best of luck through it all.
2006-08-08 12:16:44 · answer #8 · answered by jso 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you ditch him
he should make up his mind you or someone else
2006-08-08 12:14:37 · answer #9 · answered by Tony B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't put so much in it especially your heart
2006-08-08 12:11:00 · answer #10 · answered by Prisca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋