my 18 yr old mildly retarded daughter took off with her boyfriend.....should i let her learn her lesson?

Question

My daughter is 18 and mildly retarded, she can take care of herself but i am worried....she has no life skills.....she wouldnt know what to do if something went wrong....not to mention the boyfriend talked her into not taking her birth control.....should i let her learn her lesson on her own.

the police wont do anything because of her age.....they told me i can not force her to come home.

i can not believe the rudeness of some people....my mothering skills are not at question here.....she is 18 and the courts and police say i can not force her to come home nor can i force her to take birth control.....

i tried to have her declared incopatent but the courts told me that she had to have a certain level of retardation and she doesnt......

Answer 1

If the police and court find that your daughter is able and competent to be on her own, then you’re going through what a lot of parents do at this stage of development with your child. You’re going to have to hope that some of the skills that you have taught will be used. You might be surprised just how well your daughter will do. Remember everyone one has to learn and at times make poor choices in our lives no matter who or what our position in life.
Try to make contact with her or if she calls remind her in an adult non confrontational way of birth control/condoms, even if you don’t think she can comprehend.
Don’t Freak out that will push her away further. She might know more then you think. Give yourself some credit if you have draw lines in the sand of life she’ll return. Your job is to be there when she needs you and she will. So be preparing! Talk to a therapist/her doctors/etc. if you need to. A lot of us go through this you just have a little more to be concerned about. You will make it through this so will she.

Answer 2

This is NOT a "learn her lesson" situation. Go get her, bring her home, and talk to her. Life skills should have been the first things she was taught. Mild retardation is no excuse for not teaching a child life skills. I have a daughter who is autistic and that's what we work on on a constant basis. As for the boyfriend, how old is he and is he MR? Sounds like to me if you don't stop this now you're going to be mommy/grandma to a child of your daughters.

Answer 3

are you her legal guardian? i wouldn't have a problem with her TRYING to be an adult and running off with a boyfriend (laughing, she's like any other 18 year old girl huh... handicapped or not). what i WOULD be worried about is the pregnancy issue. i'm certain she's not prepared for ANYTHING like that! i would suggest that she go to the doctor and get the IUD put in place: it's 99.9% effective. other than the birth control issue, the only other thing would be her education... is she still a student and needs to return to school in a few weeks? encourage her education. how is the boyfriend? will he respect your feelings if you set both of them down and talk as adults? they are probably both looking for some respect... because they THINK they know it all and they are of course thinking we, as parents are so behind the times. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!

Answer 4

Sure let her learn her lesson!! In the end you'll be the one cleaning up th mess b/c she'll come back to you and need to be taken care of. This boy will probably leave her some where and get her pregnant. I think the best thing to do Is to find her and him b/c your not going to be able to keep them apart so better to be their for them then lose her! ((GoOd LuCk)) and I hope you can figure out what you need to do for your daughter and your self!!

Answer 5

It wouldnt just be her lesson to learn, if she became pregnant and did not have any life skills she would be dependent on you to raise the child. Getting pregnant is not a lesson I would suggest teaching the hard way.

Answer 6

No
Find her, get her back, you must tell her whats going on
If she has no life skills and the boyfriend talked her out of taking birth control something is going to happen
What if she gets pregnant and the boyfriend leaves her...then you are stuck taking care of the baby.
Get that girl back!

Answer 7

No, because if she were to become pregnant any children would also be at risk of having some form of mental retardation. Call the police and explain the situation. You may have to have her confirmed mentally uncapable of making descisions and not legally an adult.

Answer 8

It sounds like her b/f is taking advantage of her innocence. I wouldn't leave them alone together. It's good she can take care of herself but she does need life skills. There should be companies in your area to teach her these important skills. I am not a mom but this is sending red flags!

Answer 9

WELL IN LETTING HER LEARN HER LESSON ARE YOU TAKING HER BACK PREGNANT AND WITH OUT A BOYFRIEND? THAT IS THE ROAD SHE IS HEADED DOWN AND THE TRUTH IS THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU WILL HAVE SOME GRANDCHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT ? IF SO LET HER GO BUT YOUR THE ONLY ONE THAT IS GOING TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON.

Answer 10

Absolutely not. When a child is not capable of taking care of themself, it is the parent who has to do it. She could get pregnant! She could get hurt! She could get raped! People take advantage of girls with mental disabilities. You said it yourself, she wouldn't know what to do if something went wrong. She is not capable of learning the lesson on her own! You have to protect her.

Answer 11

I guess you aren't winning mother of the year. I'd call the police on this one. Mildly retarted, although of age, does not have the ability to make adult level decisions.