My Dad was verbally and mentally abusive to my Mom and I, now my brother is. How can I disown him?

Question

I cannot tell you what it was like to face this. Although his hands were never laid on us, his mental and verbal abuse has ruined us for life. Now, my brother has taken on the roll. He talked to me and my Mom horribly over not emptying a bag of grass. He has done this before but it didn't seem so bad when my Dad was here. See below: Sample

**** you and mom! You two are on your own. Don't call me, write me or email me. I won't answer or read the mail / emails.

I was there for both of you during all this and you two can't even do
simple **** like:

(1) Ask questions when you don't know what the **** you are doing;
(2) Not throw important stuff away;
(3) Get off your *** and go to the ******* Safe Deposit box to see
what's in it.

Enjoy the Redskin tix and Dad's money.....I've got no use for any of it / you two.

I hope you both enjoy sitting on your ***, watching soaps, wasting your life and getting fat....

Good riddence.

Answer 1

Umm... have your mother re-wrte her will so he's not included and call the police and report him

Answer 2

First of all, remember he's going through hard times as well. But he has no excuse for speaking that way. If he truly feels there are issues that need to be addressed, he needs to figure out a way to do so without being verbally insulting. Is there any truth to his accusations about you and your mother throwing away things he sees as important? Do the two of you sit around all day instead of getting things done? Is it that your lawnmower has a bag that needs to be emptied after cutting the grass? If that is the case, the person that cuts the grass should empty the bag.
As I said before, there is no excuse for his being verbally insulting. If you choose to cut him out of your life, then do so. There is no law that says you have to support him, speak to him, or interact with him in any way shape or form. You can refuse to speak to him, walk away when he tries. If he doesn't live there, then it will be much easier. If he shows up when you are there, go into your room or find a friend to hang out with. Your mother will likely not disown him, as he is her son.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

This is so sad. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

As a child abuse survivor myself, I can say that there is hope for your future. I think it is important to find support, protection, validation and acknowledgement for what is happening so that you can stop the cycle (as a victim) for yourself and begin the healing process. I would tell your brother that although you love him, you cannot see him and then I would not respond to any of his attempts to contact you.

Therapy with an abuse expert is very helpful, as well as finding other people for support. Healing takes time and a lot of hard work, but it can be done as long as we are not being re-abused.

Also, I want you to know that emotional abuse is just as devastating as physical abuse - if not more so, because it is harder to explain. I have included a link to an article on emotional abuse under sources. It is an extremely validating article for those who have suffered emotional abuse.

Take care!

Answer 4

Unfortunately your brother's example of a man is your dad. He is doing what he has learned. You need to talk to him about , if he likes the way his dad treats him.Ask him why he would want to be like his dad. You could write him a letter.
You didn't say how old he is. Is he supporting you?
He really needs to take anger management classes. His relationships will be screwed up for life.
If sounds like he doesn't respect women.
I think you should - write him the letter and give him space- don't call him, write him etc..
Wait till he grows up a little.
He is unhealthy for you to be around.

Answer 5

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

Answer 6

I know how you feel. My mom was like that when I was growing up and still is. So how you handle this depends on how old you are. If you live at home sorry your stuck with it. try talking to a school counselor. If you have your own place you make your own rules. I ignored my sister and let her live how she wanted for about 2 years but now we are good friends. Life is what you make it, try to surround yourself with positive people and it will rub off on you.

Answer 7

Good grief, what a shame. He was taught that way by his father. My dad was the same way, but he also abused us too. I haven't seen my dad in 12+ years and don't care to. I suggest you do the same to your dad and your brother. Hopefully, your brother will see what an as*hol* he is and ask for forgiveness. I feel sorry for his wife or girlfriend. He will be by himself for the rest of his life. My dad is living proof. He doesn't see his children, which I don't think he really cares too. But that is okay. Life goes on. Good luck!

Answer 8

not much you can do about the rotten parental training the bother's had to be so abusive. too bad some kids are raised and trained so horribly.
all you can do is get some self-esteem training to over come some of the family STUPIDITY and meanness and learn how to cope with your brother (and others like him)by changing some of your own parental programing to be a victim of bad parental conditioning.

Answer 9

That is so sad, your brother is taking the place of your father. Just refer to him as Dad Jr from now on. My brother died five years ago and we got along very well so it is so sad to read that you and your brother do not. I hope that as time goes by he will realize that he is acting like your father and take action to control his outburst. Best of luck to you. You may want to disown him but he is your brother and the two of you love each other. Next time he starts in on you throw him off by hugging him and saying "I love you".

Answer 10

First what you need to do is to stop talking to him. Cut off complete communication. If he comes around call the police. If he calls and it sounds like he is really in need tell him to call the psychiatrist. He wasn't there for you now don't be there for him. If he really wants to change put him into rehab.

Answer 11

maybe he's on drugs
stay way from him & tell u'r mom , too, also
u'r life's r worth being happy in especially after the father guy-he's probably hurt'n inside also & lash'n out on the easiest targets-it's really not fair so be a good person & maybe he'll come 'round too