How does she?

Question

My sister is 28 now. She has been married for 6 yrs and has 1 son who is 5.

She has just told me that she was raped 6mths ago but was afraid to tell anyone, she hasn't even told her husband. She is very jumpy around guys especially her husband, he is getting a little suspicious about it now and she just passes it off as being a little edgey or having a bad day or being snuck up on.

How does she go about telling him any ideas.

Answer 1

It will be hard to tell him now that she has left it for so long bottled up inside her, with out telling anyone.

It would probably help her in the long run if you encouraged her to tell her husband the truth about what happened and suggest that you stay with her for moral support when she tells her husband.

Being a married man myself with kids, I know that it would be hard to come to terms with something like that but I am more than sure that her husband would understand and realise that it wasn't her fault and that she needs support.

Alot of people have answered this question and siad that she needs to get some councilling and to tell the police. (Which she does if she hasn't already).

But alot of people who have been raped do tell the police and go for councilling but are on some level to scared to tell the partners the reason being is that they are: -

1) afraid of their partner response
2)that it will make them less desireable to their partner
3)Not knowing how to say it
4) Not wanting to hurt their partner.

What ever the reason, and what ever answers she or yourself seeks. All she can do is tell him the truth and take it from their and then they can rebuild their lives (hopefully together).

Anyway good luck to you and most of all your sister.

Answer 2

She really needs to tell him. There's so many other issues besides just the fact she was raped. She could have AIDS or herpes or some other medical problem, and if she gives it to him or the child, it would be an even bigger tragedy.

She needs to go to therapy to figure out why she feels scared to tell her husband. Maybe she feels guilty or that she was responsible for the rape but that is BS. You just need to tell her that she was not responsible, and for the sake of her husband she needs to tell him. That is what a husband is for, for exactly horrible life-altering situations like this.

If she lets something like this fester, she will not only have been raped, but she will allow her marriage to be ruined, so the rapist has truly destroyed her life. She can't let him take control of her life like this, she needs to take control of it and deal with it. The first step is either going to therapy or going with her husband and going to therapy together. The next step is telling the police and getting that MF off the streets so that he doesn't rape anyone else again.

Answer 3

oh man. I had my grandmother tell me the same thing. She was raped a long time ago and never told anyone. Not her son not her hubby, no one. Then one day she pops up and tells me because she fears for me going away to college. I had no idea how to act, how to comfort her. I can't bring myself to tell my dad (her son) for fear that it would make her over emotional. She has had a stroke and anything this stressfull I fear might be harmfull to her health in general. I think I will just wait till she passes on. She has gotten over it and is a very strong woman so I dont think not telling is a big problem. However in your case, your sister seems to be having trouble with it. I would suggest telling her husband and her husband only. Take him aside and tell him what happened and tell him to take time to think about what you have just told him and let him know that his wife needs a bit more support right now. My prayers are with you and your sister.

Answer 4

Tell your sister to tell her husband straight away and also to tell the police. Would she like another woman to go through the same as she is going through? The rapist could strike again.

You can contact the Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre 08451 221 331

or Victim Supportline 0845 30 30 900 (London)

Please ask her to sit him down and to explain from the beginning, he just might catch on and say the words for her and she can say yes that's what happened. If she gets in touch with the support people they will advise her better.

I wish your sister a very fast recovery - my thoughts are with her.

Answer 5

Start with a phone call 2 a recognised association that deals with Rape.
They may have ideas regarding the problem of telling a loved 1.
Telling him would have been better done months ago, but no fret.
Get some advice, tell her 2 stay focused, she's got this far.
Tell her 2 take care & remember 2 put herself first every now & then.
:)

Answer 6

She may not want anyone apart from you knowing due to her self-respect, her image and pride - she may feel that she has lost all respect for herself and her body after being raped and so, is trying to savour all that is left of it, by keeping the incident a secret from those who love her.

It's such a tricky situation as you cannot force her to tell her husband, if she is to tell her husband eventually, it must be of her own accord and in her own time and own way. As a sister, you have to stand by her and support all decisions she makes from now on as she needs all the love she can get.

Also, has she been to the doctors after the incident? I would advise you to urge her to go to the doctors to make sure all is alright health-wise. The doctor will keep the meeting confidential and may also be able to put your sister in touch with a group of people trained to help those in a situation like your sister's.

I suspect she will be feeling very depressed with low self-esteem - you should spend more time with her when possible.

I hope all is sorted out and both you, your sister and her family gets through this difficult time,

Much love xx

Answer 7

The best way to be free from the torment is to tell her husband, if not that thought will torment her for ever. if the man loves her he will not run away,let her first start by putting it in a form of parable, or story as if it happened to someone else and this was the reaction of the persons husband, from the way her husband reacts she will know .then she can open up. but note that the husband might get turned off at first , that normal but after a while he will get over it.

Answer 8

Your sister needs some professional help through a rape crises center or through a Doctor.they will get her mentally and fiscally able plus they can have him come in and tell him while there's help for him too.She is probably ashamed but she didn't do anything and she is afraid he want want her anymore.and he needs to be understanding and supportive of her,that's why i say get some professional help they will both need it.They belong to each other and they have been violated,if she knows who it was then the law needs to be involved after they have help and can stand together.Put him away before he does it to someone else.This could eat away at her if she holds it in until it takes over and causes her to have a nervous breakdown.I'll be praying for you all and i hope that this rapist gets put away where he can't hurt anyone else..

Answer 9

She needs to first seek the help of a professional, and then that professional will help her find a way to tell her husband. She is probably afraid that the blame will be placed at her feet somehow. I understand that feeling because I felt the same way when I was raped. Just be there for her and let her know that if she needs someone to talk to, youre there. Be her rock right now because she is going to need someone strong to be there for her. God bless.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry this happened to your sister, but I'm so glad she was able to tell you. It's probably too late to collect evidence now, but she needs some counseling to help her get over the trauma and the severe emotional turmoil. Please tell her that she needs to see a doctor to rule out sexually transitted diseases and to make sure she is physically okay. Her husband needs to know, but let her be the one to tell him.

He's probably going to ask her why she hasn't told him until that moment....just tell her to be truthful with him. Tell him that she had a hard time coming to terms with it and she is still having a hard time.

He probably already knows that something is up, but isn't sure how to fix it or what to do. Keep being the supportive, loving sister you are and try not to pressure her.