Do you think its fair?

Question

That if a married couple can`t have children through no fault of their own and decide to adopt that they have do so much to prove themselves financially, emotionally, mature enough and that their marriage is secure to have a child, when there are people out there that have kids when they are far too young, no job live off benefits, have lots of different partners and are not mature enough to give the child support.

I agree that people wanting to adopt should be assessed, but I dont see why pregnant people arent if the reason that people wanting to adopt are assessed for the benefit of the child surely pregnaant people should be assessed for the same reason

Answer 1

On the one hand yes you are right it is very unfair that you should go through the entire process of giving up your private information which could be compromised and who are THEY to judge you on whether or not you are able to care for a child? a piece of paper with their name on it that says they took a course? not very fair is it..

On the other hand the process allows you to be very sure that you indeed DO want a child of your own and are able to make all the necessary things needed to raise a child .. it's not so much just money which will be very much needed but more importantly the emotional support that will be involved .. the time to spend with the child .. maturity is a delicate topic because they just want to make sure that you aren't one of those people who want a child one moment and decide that it's too much work .. that's all :) they are preventing the ' too young .. no job .. live off benefit ' bunch from adopting an innocent child who just wants a good home ..

Hope this helps :) :)

Answer 2

No it is not fair when you put it like that. But take a positive stance here. The system is only thinking about the welfare of the child that is being considered for adoption.

Looking at the seemingly dysfunctional groups that you have mentioned would you really want to see a child adopted into anyone of these groups. Obviously not, so be thankfull that you are in a good position to offer a child a good home, full of love and security.

I know it is hard to understand but if you are determined to weather the storm the rewards will be great and you will make a hitherto lonely child very happy by providing it with loving parents and the shelter of a good home life.

EDIT: I would like to say that stereotyping people who are on benefits is unfair as many of them make excellent parents and the children are never deprived or unloved.


Good luck to you both!

Answer 3

I know - it doesn't really seem to balance, does it?

It's peculiar how these things are decided - my parents were looking into adopting when I surprised them. If I hadn't come along, they probably wouldn't have been allowed to adopt at that time because my father was in the military.

I knew a couple that was turned down because the husband had a heart condition - they had a beautiful home, he owned a successful business and also volunteered with several groups and she worked during the week and taught roller skating on the weekends. They were energetic and loved kids - I would have thought a great choice, but agency after agency kept turning them down.

I'll also tell you that after my miscarriage when I saw bad parenting going on in the grocery store, or some high school age girl dragging a couple of kids around, my gut reaction was that I wanted to go grab the kids and take them home, take care of them properly. It hurts to see that. Now I do have a lovely little boy of my own, but I still want to grab kids away from some people. Can't do that, though, can we, much as we would like to.

I do understand that the rules are there to safeguard the children - but then when you look at the number of kids lodged in inadequate state care or that need to be in foster care, when you hear about parents hurting or even killing their children through neglect or abuse, it makes you want to scream.There are so few ideal situations out there, and so many families that could do good for these kids...

Answer 4

No it doesn't make much sense in terms of fairness. But the fact is that you can't control who has kids and who doesn't biologically. That would result in a dictatorship. I mean, what's your suggestion; perhaps sterilise everyone at birth and then allow the operation to be reversed only if they pass the tests set by the government that allow them to become parents?

You can control the outcome of an adoption by checking the adoptive parents. So all that can be done is being done to ensure that the child has a good life.

I think that people in general should think less of having children as a right and more as a privilege. It's up to potential biological parents to wait until they are emotionally and financially secure enough to bring a child into the world before doing so. I think that IVF treatment should be illegal. There are plenty of unwanted children who need adopting, there is no need to bring even more people into this overcrowded world.

Answer 5

Absolutely. Obviously the agency who will be dealing with the prospective new parents of the child will want to be certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that the child is going to the best home possible, or else, for example, paedophiles would have easy pickings.
A human life is being dealt with - this is the most precious thing on Earth and no matter what price it comes at, emotionally etc, if you really want to be a part of that little person's life, you should go through the procedure, or else you don't have the level of maturity that is required to look after the child properly. Being a parent is the most difficult thing in the world. You have to prove yourself capable of doing so, so, buck up and prove your worth...if it's really what you want.

Answer 6

Yes, it is fair because although many people out there become parents irresponsibly, adopting a child is something that is quite the opposite. Also, the birth parent who is giving up the baby, does want to know that the baby is going to someone who will be able to provide all the things that they can not provide to that child. When my parents adopted my brother, the only reason the birth mother chose my parents over another couple is because they already had 2 other children. The birth mother in that case happened to be an only child and didn't want (my brother) growing up as an only child like she did.

Answer 7

Yes that's not fair because I'm sure responsible couples who want to adopt should be able to quickly. However on the other hand the adoption system takes a long time because the authorities need to be certain the child is going to a good home- some are abused by their adoptive parents so this is why their are strict procedures.

Answer 8

Actually, yes. I do think it is fair. Someone does not have to be rich to adopt, but they should be able to financially support the child in order to adopt. Someone on here a week or so ago was asking if there was an agency that helped low-income couples adopt!! I would hope not because if they cannot take care of themselves why should they be allowed to adopt a child?

Answer 9

Of course not!! I feel horrible for couples that cannot have children. I was 17 when I found out that I was pregnant me and my boyfriend at the time decides to get marry and now we have another son who Is 1 years old and I'm pregnant with our first girl, me and my husband have a wonderful marriage, we have been married for 4 years and he Is an electrician and I'm a stay at home mom who goes to the community college at night so I can become a pharmacy technician so I can be a good mother to my children and a good wife to my husband and I'm 21 years old. If someone Is mature then they will take care of their child even If they are young, but the sad thing Is that so many girls are getting pregnant and handing off their baby to their parents so they can go out and party, b/c my cousin who Is 22 has a son that she past off to my aunt and she doesn't even take care of him and we all just found out at my baby-shower Sat. that she Is pregnant again. Sometimes I think that girls have sex for peer pressure and they end up pregnant b/c they have no proper teaching In safe sex, you also have the girls that get pregnant to keep a guy and also to feel loved by their baby. It's sad that these girls make the other girls that are working and going to school look bad! I hope my answer was able to help you out!! Also the process of adoption Is horrible that to be able to adopt you have to do so much, but also weirdo people are out their that adopt and then hurt the children physically and mentally!! ((GoD bLeSs))!! ((GoOd LuCk)) and I hope everything goes In favor for you and your husband, b/c I couldn't imagine my life without my children!!

Answer 10

Yes I do think it's fair. It's partly because of the people you describe having children that they end up being adopted out. All the authorities are trying to do is make sure the child finally has a decent start in life rather than go down the same road they came from