ok this is kida a long story but ive been married a little over a year i have 2 step kids my husband only gets

Question

them on saterdays then they go home to there moms where they live but the problem is that when they come here they think they dont have to lison to me and say my mom said we dont have to lison to u how can i make these kis respect me with out beating them

Answer 1

I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION, MY GF LIVES WITH ME AND I GET MY KIDS ON THE WEEKENDS, MY BOYS TRIED TO NOT LISTEN TO MY GF IN THE BEGINNING, BUT I HAD TO LET MY BOYS KNOW THAT SHE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND THEY NEED TO LISTEN TO HER, ANYWAYS YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO STAND BY HIS WIFE AND LET THOSE KIDS KNOW THAT YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO PUNISH OR TELL THEM AS HE DOES,

Answer 2

Try and remember that they are only kids. Talk to your husband and be very gentle because these are his children and he loves them very much. Explain that you're tiring of being treated disrespectfully and that you'd like to establish a loving relationship with your step kids. Then ask him if he has any suggestions.
I'm sorry that your step childrens Mothers aren't being cooperative but if you do have a decent relationship with the other Moms maybe you could ask for thier suggestions as well.
I know you wouldn't really beat the kids but I bet you've fantasized about it (ha ha)
YOu have to give respect to get it..........that goes both ways. If the kids are old enough to understand that concept I'd gently explain that thier behavior hurts your feelings. Ask them if there is something you are doing to make them feel rebellious towards you. Tell them that you'd really enjoy quality time with them as you only see them on weekends.
Next I'd say..........."I don't care what your Mom says, you're in my house now and we have house rules"
If the kid complain then have a meeting with thier Moms.
Hey, you're doing the best you can and they should be doing the same.

Answer 3

I'm not sure how old the children are... You and their father (both) should sit them down and explain to them that in your house, they are required to follow certain rules. Be very clear and consistent about what the rules are.

It might be a good idea for the father to have a talk with their mother and explain to her that he needs her support on this. Even if the parents of these children don't have the best relationship, he needs to make her understand that this is ultimately for the children best interest. They (the children) must learn to respect and listen to the adults in their lives.

Try to bond with these children. Find out what their interests are and try to plan something fun that the three of you can do together. Once they stop seeing you as "the enemy", they might come around on their own...

This is a very tough situation. I admire your patience. Hang in there.

Good luck with the little monsters.... =)

Answer 4

it is always a difficult situation when it comes to being a parent of another child. I do not have experience with this personally but I would suggest having your husband talk to the kids and kids mother. It is his family and he should handle the situation. If he cant then I dont really know what else to do. It might just take a little time.

Answer 5

if they are only there for one day... it doesn't even sound like they are there overnight... i would NOT BE THERE. let their dad have special time with them. you are NEVER going to be able to build a relationship with kids you have so little time with. i would suggest visiting a friend, or your family when the kids are due to arrive. please understand that the kids are programed to dislike you AND THAT is normal. with so little time with them they will never respect you and never listen to a word you say... and you're right, THAT IS DANGEROUS for your sanity and your marriage. if you are ever forced (by your husband) to participate in a saturday visitation let him do ALL of the talking and entertainment. don't plan anything, or say anything... just be there. i'm just worried about your sanity on this one. it's tough I KNOW, i'm a step-mom to three kids that live with their father and i full time... because i have so much time (and influence) they are forced to give me the respect i want... but they still TRY to play the "my mom said" after they come back from her house. the difference is, i can punish them for disrespect... you don't have that luxery. i do highly suggest that you put more ACTUAL distance between them and yourself for that one day per week!

Answer 6

First of all, your husband needs to be the one who is disciplining his children. He also needs to be the one who is making them show respect to you. You really need to use spell check before submitting your questions as it was quite difficult to figure out a great deal of your question. Beating children is not going to work, it will only make the relationship break down further. It will destroy the relationship you have with their father, and will not help any relationship you are trying to build with the kids. Please talk about this with your husband and tell him exactly what you have stated here. Good luck and have a good day!!

Answer 7

I wouldn't "lison" to you on "saterdays" either if I were one of the "kis". Perhaps they don't like to take orders from someone they feel is less intelligent than they are.

Answer 8

First of all you need to have a relationship with the kids and try to make them feel as if you are only trying to help them out in life and just let them know that you are there for them

2nd Talk to your husband and tell him whats going on because it is nothing like having them kids think that you have turned their dad against them, instead try getting a family meeting going and dicuss what needs to be done

3rd and if none of that works you need to talk to the kids and let them know that you love them and their dad but you will not tollerate foolishness in your house and that the only way to get somewhere in the family is if all of yall get along but be aware if this situation gets too out of hand you and your husband need to go talk to the baby mama and let her know that you respect her and that you expect her to be a Real Woman about the matter tell her that you are going to be in those kids lives rather she likes it or not and just reassure her that when you ahve her kids they are being well taken care of. And also tell the kids that you make their daddy happy and apart of making him happy is apart of making them happy, and let them know that you understand them and that you want what's best for them no matter what and if they still keep disrespecting you then don't go beat them go SLAP their mother and tell her to Grow up--- I take that back don't slap her just tell her to be the bigger person

and if none of this works....................... I'll just pray for you

Good Luck

Answer 9

I agree that you should talk to your husband before they come again. Explain to him how it makes you feel when they disrespect you. And yes, tell them that while they are there they must respect the house and your rules. If your husband is unwilling to do anything about it, then tell him when he has them you will go shopping or go visit a friend or family until they leave, so that will not cause any more tension. If it means anything to him at all, he'll do something about it.

Answer 10

Let their father know, and handle it, he will need to have a talk with the exwife, and put her in her place about it, let her know he won't go for those kind of cheap games, you need to have him stand up for you and address it, take the bull by the hornes, let him know this is important to you, because it is your home and it must be handled, before it gets out of control. And, by the way beating a child is not the answer, especially when the children aren't your children, it's called abuse! (If you want them to respect you) respect always has to be earned, sometimes it comes automatically with our attitude, remember you get what you give.

Answer 11

have there dad your husband sit down with them and tell them that they need to respect his wife. This is your guy's house and when they come over they need to listen to you too. You shouldn't be the one who does the punishing. It's the dad's. The will come in time to respect you. They might just have resenment towards you and might think your the reason their mommy and daddy aren't together. also it might be a good idea for your hubbie to talk to there mother about it. She should grow up if she is telling these kids to not listen to you. Good luck with the journey of step kids :)