2 more Free points?

Question

This time tell me your favorite joke!

that's funny right there, I don't care who you are that's funny!

don't make me choose a joke right now theres so many I can't choose.

How bout the blonde astronauts.

Blonde Astronaut: Tonight we are so totally going where no man has ever gone before, we are going to, like, the sun!

Man: How are you going to do that, it's like a million degrees up there?

Blonde: LIke, duh! I'm not stupid, I said we're, like, going at night!

Answer 1

i'm with everyone
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Okay
Q: Did you hear about the blonde sky diver?

A: she missed the earth

Answer 2

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to go out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.

Answer 3

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"

Answer 4

HERE'S 3 JOKES IN 1 ANSWER!

CURTAIN RODS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,
and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room
and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into
the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was
bliss for
the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the
place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were
steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters,
during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they
even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...

Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and
decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in
half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got
out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their
calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the
bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were
going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened
politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would
be willing to reduce her
divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he
agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been
worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She
agreed, and within
the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking
as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their
new home....


including the curtain rods.


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?


13 Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.



Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.



How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"



I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."



Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!



Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.



Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"



And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.



TOO GOOD NOT TO SHARE!
The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were
> flying on Air Force One.
>
> George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You
> know, I could throw a
> $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make
> somebody very happy."
>
> Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could
> throw ten $100
> bills out of the window and make ten people very
> happy."
>
> Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw
> one hundred $10
> bills out of the window and make a hundred people
> very happy."
>
> Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes
> and said to his
> co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could
> throw all of them
> out of the window and make 56 million people very
> happy.

Answer 5

Why did the blonde change her baby's diapers once a week?

The box said "Up to 20 pounds"

Answer 6

Santa gave a matrimonial advertisement in a newspaper, seeking alliance for his daughter, working in a call centre.

" Wanted a suitable match for Delhi's highest paid call girl"

Answer 7

Heavy Breathing
Q: How is sex a lot like air?

A: Because it’s not a big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Answer 8

Knock, Knock
isodor
isodor who?
isodor open!

Answer 9

After creating Adam & Eve, God had 2 leftover parts.
He asked Adam & Eve which would they would want.
God said "One lets you pee standing up..."
Adam screamed "I want that! It'd be SO cool."
God said "Are you sure?"
Adam said "YES!"
Eve then asked "Whats the other peice?"
God answered "A brain."

Answer 10

Your my favortie Joke

Answer 11

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

A. Damn