Jewish friend's brother died - send flowers?

Question

Can someone fill me in on the correct procedure for comforting a friend whose brother died? The family is Jewish and I believe I read that flowers are not the right response. My friend was very close to his brother; it's pretty sad. Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

Flowers are OK, as are fruit baskets and cards. The response that counts is that it's yours, you're showing your sympathy.

Answer 2

Personally, I don't believe that sending flowers would be inappropriate, I would suggest asking someone within the family (a cousin, aunt, or uncle) how a bouquet of flowers would be received by the immediate family before making your purchase.

If they say, it's OK, then by all means, buy the flowers.

If they say, I think they would prefer , then buy something along those lines.

Answer 3

Jewish law dictates that someone isn't supposed to recieve gifts for the first 30 days, so send a donation for charity, or a card. Or visit, sometime in the first 6 days after the funeral.

Answer 4

It depends on how strict Jewish they are. There are those that will not allow the flowers from the funeral to come back to the house. I suggest a card and a contribution to charity--American Heart Association, American Cancer Association, etc.

Answer 5

The best thing you could do is make a charitable donation in memory of the deceased. As a matter of fact, most organizations will give you a certificate stating that a donation was made in memory of "Mr. --------------" You can then present this to his family. Not only will it be very meaningful and helping soemone else out. But it is an act of kindness that will endure forever.

Answer 6

"It is much better to honor the deceased by making a contribution to a synagogue or hospital, or to a medical research association for the disease which afflicted the deceased. This method of tribute is more lasting and meaningful.

In our days, flowers are used primarily at Christian funerals, and are considered to be a non-Jewish ritual custom which should be discouraged."

Answer 7

Flowers will do fine, we don't have a specific problem with flowers.

There are, of course, several "rules" in the "Shiva" (traditional period of mourning) including taking the shoes off and covering the mirrors, but I'm sure that you'll be fine and accepted nicely by the mourners.

Answer 8

Italians give money and flowers certainly a Jew won't refuse the cash or the flowers .

"Send cash Jews like class" as Rodney Dangerfield used to say when he went to Italian funerals!

Don't expect them to reciprocate though they don't and won't.

Answer 9

My suggestion is to imake a donation in his memory. You might try to find out whether there is one particular charitable cause that the family prefers (or possibly one that was related to his life or to research on the cause of his death, if appropriate).

Answer 10

Attendance and condolences are appropriate at the funeral. I was to one a few months ago, and I donated money to her favourite charity.

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