Parents....?

Question

My parents don't give me any freedom/trust at all. I am like the perfect daughter. I don't drink, do drugs, or anything like that, but my parents treat me like I am a felon. How can I get them to trust me and give me more freedom?

I'm 17, have a job, volunteer, get awesome grades in school, and have an older brother.

I'm going off to college next year and my parents don't even want to let alone for a week. I won't even be alone since my 26 year old brother lives with and he will be there.

Answer 1

Option #1: Ask them if they are so strict out of fear, out of concern for you or if they were raised the same way; then tell them that you've given them no reason to suspect or not trust you. If they don't value your opinion as a child, tell them that they will earn no respect from you as an adult.

If they don't heed the warning that they are paying for their security with your love and respect, then go to option #2.

Option #2: Prepare for the day you turn 18 by getting a job and saving as much $$ as you can; on your 18th birthday, thank them for keeping you safe as a child and announce that you are now moving out, since they have no legal right to force you to stay at home any longer. You can spend the rest of your life away from them and in peace, keeping in touch with them as much or as little as you feel. If you are as responsible and mature as you say, life will flourish, if a bit slowly at first.

Good luck,
M

Answer 2

I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm a couple years younger than you are, but I don't do drugs, drink, I don't do ANYTHING like that and have never wanted to and I also make the really great grades in school. I'm in the top 7% of my class and that's wonderful. Sometimes, it seems like my parents have the hardest time with the trust thing even though I'm like the best son ever. Oh yeah, this year I'm going to volunteer for a club at school. My parents give me some freedom, but I wish I could get more. I can go to the movies with my friends and my mom/dad just come to pick us up, but I don't know why it's so hard to trust. I'm almost 16. You should just make a casual conversation while you're eating and if something comes up that you don't want to talk about, stuff your face with food, lol... Hope this helps! Don't back talk your parents or disobey them. Your brother probably ruined it for you. Anyway, go by their rules, but try to influence them some. It's like, "I'M ALMOST 18!!!"

Answer 3

I think they might basically trust you, but, having the benefit of experience and perspective, they know what dangers are out there and they know that some of the choices that you make in your teen years can have serious repercussions for the rest of your life. They love you and they want to protect you from powerful, bad influences. Sometimes it is hard for them to let you go and possibly make mistakes that might harm you.

Just keep on being the good kid you have been, and maybe have a talk with your parents, convincing them into letting you do small things on your own (like going out but checking in every so often and getting home promptly at an agreed-upon time). When they see you act responsibly, associate with a good group of friends, and don't get into trouble, I'll bet they will be more willing to loosen the reins.

Answer 4

I went through this when I was a teen too. I didn't do anything, no drinking, drugs, sex, smoking...absolutely nothing and they didn't believe me! I hadn't even done anything that would have given them the idea that I might start doing those things. Have you? Some times if a teen starts getting an attitude with their parents they begin to think "here it comes" and are bracing themselves for the next step in teenlife. Check your attitude and go talk to your parents. Talk to them in a sincere manner without hatefullness no matter how hard that might be for you. If you talk to them as a young adult they should respond to you as one. Tell them your concerns and how much it hurts you that they don't trust you. Ask them what it is you can do to gain their trust. Do you need to call them from where you are to check in? Do you need to have a friend's parent call for you? Do you need to leave a list of the places you'll be going and who you'll be going with? I know as a teen you're probably thinking that's nuts to do but if your parents see you are making an attempt and have NOTHING to hide, they should start to relax. I know I would. Some other things to consider: Are they ready to let you grow up? Are you the eldest and they're having a hard time with this? Or did you have an older sibling that caused them trouble and they think you'll do the same? Talk to them about this! If you need help with that process feel free to email me!

Answer 5

There's nothing that you can do about it. Your parents will come around one day but right now that's not going to happen. It's all do to the fact that your parents are being over protective of you because they know that you will always be there little girl. My mom is like that with me like your parents are to you. I think it's a good and a bad thing. The good thing about it is that if they had never been like that and just let you do what you want, then sometimes that very thing can cost your life just because you couldn't listen to them. Like for example, If y ou wanted to go out to one of your friends party and (your parents wasn't being protective of you) you didn't ahve any rules or curfue. But you went and had a good time while some of your friends were were there including strangers you don't know. They Could slip a exstacy pill in your drink and rape you that night or kill you, then you would wish that your parents did what they do now. You rely on them to be there for you because your so called friends will not be there for the rest of your life to pick up the pieces lke you mom and dad will. That's why my mom taught me never trust anyone because they're not going to help you get to where you going.

Answer 6

What did u do to lose the freedom in the first place? If nothing then time to sit down and tell them its time to let you grow up, how can they know if you are to be trusted if they never let u go?

Seems their afraid you're gonna go out and become a biker chick or something off the wall like that.

Communication honey, all u can do.

Answer 7

You don't say in your question how old you are and that would influence my answer. It probably has nothing to do with you personally - but is a reflection of your parent's concern. There is so much going on in our society with sexual predators, increases in teen sexual activities, etc. They realize things have changed from when they were you age and think they are protecting you. Try to talk to them and get them to give you more freedom in small doses. Once you have proved you can handle it - they will loosen up a bit.

Answer 8

I think the best idea is to discuss it with them, tell them that you're like the perfect daughter and that you're think they have raised you right and you trust that so they don't have to worry about you doing bad things, I think that would work. Tell them that when parents are like that they force their kids to lie, because there's no other way to have freedom, but you are not lying to them and you don't want to come to that point (because you could if you wanted to) but (again!) you have been raised right and if they think they have raised you right there's nothing to be afraid of 'cause you'll know how to bahaive by yourself.

Hope it works!!

Answer 9

How old are you? try to understand we live in a horrible world maybe your parents are afraid of what could happen to you. Teens often say they know how to handle themselves but most really can't. Are you following behind a Sib who messed up? I could be that you are paying for their sins which is wrong, but parents are no more perfect than we are. Sit down with them and find out what is really going on you may be surprised.

Answer 10

Understand that all they are doing is trying to protect you. When you see it that way it might make it a little easier. Sit down and talk with them, maybe you can work something out. Don't do what some of these other people say, all that will do is get you in big trouble.