i keep having dreems of me and other girls does that mean am les? i would like to meet some but am scared.?

Question

am so tired of this i cant get it out of my head i want to no how it feels to be with a woman but i cant seems to find non wat can i do

Answer 1

It does not necessarily mean you are homosexual. Particularly if this is something new, you didn't have this kind of feelings when you were much younger, it may simply be a stage in your development and nothing more. A close family member of mine reports that that's how it was for them.

But before I say any more, it would really help if you learned to, when you have these dreams, wake up and think merely 'Oh' - i.e. accept that it happened - and then move on with your life. 'Fighting with it' (in the sense of condemning yourself) or 'trying to prove you're normal' will only make it worse.

So, probably you aren't meeting anyone precisely because you are scared. That isn't a good way to start any kind of relationship. So view the fact that you haven't met anyone with relief, because it gives you time to get your head in order.

So, how to do that? Understand that people have all sorts of desires and impulses. What you can do whenever you have any desire or impulse - whether it concerns being with women, or food, or anything else - is treat it as a signal that you have choices to be made.

Evidently, you have a need right to sort out what your criteria are going to be for relationships, in particular with women. Think about what your personal policy on sex is going to be. Think about what sex is going to mean to you.

Personally, I've come to believe that while people do find themselves in various situations - whether that be family pressure, divorce, having more than one spouse, or desiring members of the same sex rather than the opposite sex - there is a certain ideal, a certain 'how things were from the beginning'.

And I've come to believe that it is this ideal which should as far as possible guide our actions. So, among other things, that means doing a bunch of things before having sex: taking complete responsibility for our decisions and actions and putting the other person first (higher than anyone else except God), and making a permanent commitment in front of other people.

And I think you might want to consider adopting this as a guide as well. I mean, look at the results when people don't do this: some third party enters the picture, or there's a breakup, and they find out the hard way that such things aren't supposed to happen - and it's too late to do anything.

On the other hand, look at the results when they do. While we can't of course control our partner's behavior, we can make choices about our own. And if we do take that responsibility and make that commitment, then we are sparing ourselves temptation, because we are choosing to focus our minds on something else: doing what we have to to make the relationship good and lasting. Because that will not happen by itself. It will only happen when we approach the matter intentionally and deliberately. On the other hand, if, God forbid, when we've done our part, but our partner didn't - for example, cheated or left - then we have a clean conscience.

So that takes care of the kind of relationship required for sex to happen, and the number of people who can be involved. In your case, there is one more thing to consider: what should be the gender of the parties in question? And 'from the beginning', the parties spoken of were a man and his wife.

So that means that in principle, if you're a woman, your partner would then be male. Now, of course, it's not that simple. There are those who say that if one isn't capable of being attracted to members of the opposite sex, only to members of the same sex, then that means one should have a permanent relationship with someone of the same sex - before going all the way, I mean.

My problems with this are two-fold:

1) Not everyone is meant to have a partner. We all come into the world single, and I think that is for a reason: to give us time to get to know our bodies and make choices about what we do with them, before the hormones kick in and make things more difficult than they might otherwise be.

It is always possible to live happily single and celibate, on one condition: you have to be really convinced that you're doing the right thing, that your not being sexually active arises out of your deepest values, your relationship with God, etc.

2) Contrary to popular opinion, it is often possible to acquire the ability to be attracted to a member of the opposite sex, even if one does not currently have that ability.

But again, one has to approach one's personal life in such a way that one is thinking about really deep values, about God - not about 'I want to be straight'. Because He may give that ability, but if He's calling you to be single, He most probably won't.

See, you may come across horror stories from people who were living a homosexual lifestyle and tried to leave it behind, but were not successful. Invariably, it boils down to something like this: they tried to do this because they wanted to 'become straight', and when God didn't give them what they wanted, they got angry and turned away from Him.

Another thing: even if God does give someone the ability to be attracted to an MOS, it seems He very rarely chooses to take away the desire for MSSs. Everyone has to understand the sense in this for themselves, if the desires don't go away.

For me personally, well, I'm celibate, so it gives me a great opportunity to talk about how good God is that He has allowed me to live a life where I love everyone pretty much the same (yeah, there's a special person, but our relationship is *very* platonic), without lusting after anyone. And it really is a good life. I'm 42 and still counting.

For those who eventually go on to marry an MOS, they have a great opportunity to talk about God's goodness in giving them the ability to have a beautiful relationship with their spouse.

Another good thing I see in not having the desires go away is that it's better to be aware of them so you can make choices what you're going to do about them, than to have them wandering around repressed in your unconscious somewhere and pop out 20 years after you've gotten married or something, and you're left wondering what the **** happened. I for one don't want that, so I'm quite content to be aware of whatever desires I have.

For you, that sense could be that you have a wonderful opportunity to start thinking about values, God, etc. and start taking responsibility for your body and your sexuality, making choices about how you will view them and what you will do with them, in wonderful new ways that you have not experienced before.

I am happy for you that you have this opportunity, and I pray God would give you the wisdom to find the good in it for yourself, as well as the ability to live a life of contentment in all situations.

May He bless you.

Answer 2

There's no need to jump in with both feet just yet, there are a couple of things you might try first.
1. Watch a DVD that has lesbians in it. Not a porn film, but something like BBC's Tipping The Velvet. If watching the girls turns you on, you might be a bit more sure of yourself.
2. By a guys magazine, again, not porn but something like Loaded or FHM and have a look at the girls in it.
If then you are still interested try a dating website. But be careful. Otherwise, try going to a local club, gay girls usually stick out a mile.
Kisses Susan XX

Answer 3

No simply by getting dreams does not mean you are les. It all depends on how u feel and react in the real world (dreams are not real it is just and show of what you hear ). so don't worry unless you get a feeling u are safe.

Answer 4

i don't support it but you could go to clubs on the designated nights and get a feel of what it is like and if it is not what you expected then maybe you being les isn't what you thought it was maybe it is just a phase.

Answer 5

yes u obviously are one of them. to meet some try looking, they're usually large with shaved heads, cos thats always attractive on a lady

Answer 6

You are probably just curious, many women are, you could either follow it through, or let it pass. It is the best type to be, it means your up for anything!!! Fun!!

Answer 7

Hang around places where there are lots of GUYS. Hopefully one of them will ask you out so you won't be tempted by other women.

Answer 8

It tastes the same as licking a two pence piece.

Answer 9

go to a gay club and see if you can find anyone there. you can't find a female just by hanging around the market place, you need to be where they are.

Answer 10

find yourself a woman and go down

give it a try

you might like it

at least you can't get pregnant from a woman

Answer 11

did u have a boy friend, did u have successful sex with, are u satisfied?
if yes then it is just bad thoughts, go to have a shower and it is over.