My mother-n-law hardly ever makes an effort to see our daughter. She has been this way ever since she was born 2 1/2 yrs ago. She is a loving grandma when she is around her but those times are few and far between. Sometimes it is 4-5 months between seeing her. It is not like she lives across state. She is about 45 minutes away. I dont push the issue or take my daughter to see her because I myself am not real close to my mother-n-law, and considering that my own mother calls me almost daily and sees my kids at least once a month, my mother-n-laws lack of interest seems odd to me. In fact my husbands whole family is like that. his siblings dont ever call unless they need something (a favor, to borrow, or money). One of his sisters didnt see my daughter, her niece, till she was already almost 5 months old. This just seems weird to me, but it doesnt seem to bother my hubby at all. Is this an odd family and should I just let the lose be theirs?
2006-08-08 00:53:33 · 9 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yeah. Let the loss be theirs. Unfortunately it is going to effect your daughter some-what when she grows up. I have dealt with the same issues with my in-laws for 10 years now. They haven't been to our house at all in about 2 1/2 years. They have missed the last 2 birthdays of my daughter. Same scenario about hubby's sibs, don't hear from them unless they need something. Our daughter was the first grandchild in his family, but you couldn't tell it. My in-laws live 30 minutes from us but they claim it is too far up here to come here all the time. The thing is, I don't think they want to. They have not been to any school functions of my daughters at all. Only once for a play and it had nothing to do with the school. They spend lots of time and effort with their other grandchildren that they have now, but not our daughter. It is sad, but not much can be done. Hubby has tried to talk to them but they just don't seem to care. Personally, I don't like having my daughter around them anyway. My parents, however, have never missed a school function, or a birthday, and have been to my house more in the last 2 weeks than his parents have the whole 10 years. My daughter is 9 now, and knows all to well that her grandparents on his side don't care much. She also knows very well that she is greatly loved by her grandparents on my side. She already doesn't like to spend time with his parents or family anymore. One day, maybe, they will see they pushed her away. But I wouldn't hold my breath on it. And neither should you. Good luck to your situation, I feel for ya and know what it is like.....
2006-08-08 01:12:00 · answer #1 · answered by teashy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to them, if they are open to communication and reasonable people, they will listen. If they borrow money from you on regular basis, just be not as available. It sounds like his family is a disfunctional family, not normal or even healthy. But I guess everyone has a personal barometer of when to make contact and when to relate.
Give your family the attention they deserve and let his family get the leftovers, don't do major sacrificing for a one-sided relationship. Sounds harsh, but do you want your child to think that this is normal. Show your child normality, surround them with love and ditch those who seem disinterested.
2006-08-08 08:05:53 · answer #2 · answered by winton_holt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother-in-law has always been more like my mom then my mom. My parents never called on my kids b-days or grads. It`s been their lose. My parents live a day away, when they do come to visit now (my kids ages 14-21) are only there for the hellos then they leave. I find that so sad. But my parents don`t care, that's the way they live. LONELY! I am a grandma and it would drive me bonkers not to see my 2 grandsons. They truly are gifts from god!
2006-08-08 09:23:09 · answer #3 · answered by E.B. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, they are an odd family. Let the loss be theirs. Your mother sounds like a great grandmother to your daughter.
2006-08-08 11:27:33 · answer #4 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely! if they're not emotionally strong enough to be close to their own family, what makes u think they can handle and extended one?
Some folks just aren't cut out to be like that. There is a deeper reason why they aren't close and you just need to back off from them, if they want to see, then let them see don't get all in a twist over it. You have your family be happy with that.
2006-08-08 08:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by koleebear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't push the subject with your family, trust me most of the time it gets you nowhere. If they really want to spend time with your children they will. My dilemma is the total opposite of yours, i have a really great motherinlaw who loves to spend time with our kids. Yet my own mother has no time for them unless its in front of ppl she knows and i feel its only a show. The funny thing is she spends alot of time with my sisters kids. oh sorry, just went on about myself....anyway, as long as your kids are happy and your there for them and they know they are loved, that's all that matters......
2006-08-08 08:11:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! Don't push the issue. It sounds like your daughter has one terrific grandmother and a good mom, too. That is a lot more than many other children have. :)
2006-08-08 08:00:20 · answer #7 · answered by Adios 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in some families this is quite normal. Especially if the parents have broken up. Or it could be they are wrapped up in their own world that they don't have time for anything else. Why don't you ask, it can't hurt.
2006-08-08 08:12:35 · answer #8 · answered by crafty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just like that nothing you can do
2006-08-08 08:18:55 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋