Put a nice sex joke for 10 points.?

Question

tell me a joke

Answer 1

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

Answer 2

A guy goes down to the seedy part of town to find a ho. After making his selection they head to the local flea bag motel to get busy. They get naked and start trying to get it on but it's hard to do cause she's dry as an old bone!! After several attempts the guy tells her if she wants to get paid she'd better do something. She tells him to wait a sec and zips off to the bathroom, a few minutes later she comes back and hops in bed. Sure enough he's able to slip right in and work it like a champ. Afterwords he tells her that was the best p-us-sy he's ever had, what did she do?? She replies..... Just picked the scabs and let the puss flow!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!

Answer 4

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. The hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh... if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed." There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him." There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly and I will grab him." It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh..." he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish leaps for it, that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch." You probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there's more.A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich." A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time. "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, and that hunter shoots that bear, and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich, then I can have mouse for lunch." The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly. The bear grabs the fish. The hunter shoots the bear. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich. The cat jumps for the mouse. The mouse ducks. The cat falls into the water and drowns. The moral of the story: Whenever a fly goes down three inches some poosy is in serious danger.

Answer 5

Not a joke, but a saying you can mention when someone is threatening you but it's not really a threat because you don't mind.

"YOU CAN'T THREATEN A HOOKER WITH A PENIS"

Answer 6

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.






The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.







Lettuce!!!

























Tomato!!!

























Lettuce!!!


























Tomato!!!


























Lettuce!!!























Tomato!!!
























She screams.

























Lettuce!!!






























Tomato!!!





Whoa!!!








PULL IT OUT!!!















PULL IT OUT NOW!!!












I can't get pregnant!






Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my
face!*!*!*!*!

Answer 7

r u looking for a date? then why are we asking joke ???'s in the singles and dating category?

Answer 8

Im fantastic in the sack!

Answer 9

guy goes into a bar and sees a girl at the bar...he sits beside her and buys her drinks.......later he says i sure would like a little p.ussy... she says me to.. mines big as a hat..lololol

Answer 10

Just check community guidelines , if they allow to do so .