He had the affair while him and my mother were having significant marital problems. They were separated when this happened. He just found out that he had an older daughter. She wants to get to know him, but this is just devastating to the entire family. I am the youngest of 6 children. I am 16. We are all very close in the family. My two brothers and two of my older sisters are being receptive to this person, Mary. I don't know what to make of it. One of my sisters, Becky, the oldest, wants nothing to do with Mary or my father. My father wants to get know her, but this could cost him my mother. She also stated he should try to build a relationship, but she may not be able to build one with Mary and leave to avoid him having to chose between them. I am the only child left at home. I know my parents love each other. I do not know how to help my parents. I want them to stay together, but I know it would be very difficult. Can you help me tell my parents how to handle this situation?
2006-08-07 20:46:19 · 7 answers · asked by April E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wow, this is tough one. The affair was probably hard for your mom to take...but a child resulting from that affair? Ouch. It's fairly obvious from your description that you do have two wonderful parents, it's also obvious that they value family. Mary IS family. You are going to have to make your mother realize that Mary is more than just a product of an affair. As unfortunate as it is, Mary is a person who has done nothing wrong. She's also had to live without her father all this time too. Can you imagine what that must be like? And then to realize you have siblings? Your family needs to embrace her, get to know her, and not judge her....she wasn't the one who cheated. Becky sounds like a tough cookie who is standing by mom. I can't say that I blame her, but she also has to realize that none of this is Mary's fault. And if your mom could forgive your father for the affair after all these years, it's time Becky learned some forgiveness too. Life is short, too short to be walking around so bitter. Convince her to give Mary some sympathy. If she wants to be mad at your dad....let her, but Mary doesn't deserve that.
2006-08-07 21:02:15 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I can see how this can be a mental and emotional dillemma. A friend of mine had the same thing happen in her family, except it was with her mother who had a baby after an affair, and given it up for adoption seven years before she was born. Her parents were separated at the time.
Your father should get to know this girl, or he would regret it for the rest of his life and your mom should show her support. Along with your father, you too should get to know your half-sister, who knows you may like her and she might like you, just like my friend had with her half brother. Her parents are more in love than ever. It would not be a matter of making a choice. You are all his children, and he could love you all equally. Let him know that you love him and trust that he would do the right thing, encourage your mom to do the same. Because to me it seems that everyone feels insecure to this development. Encourage everyone in your family that it's not the end of the world. Trust me, the more you try to get to know this girl, the more you could be blessed for it.
2006-08-07 21:04:11 · answer #2 · answered by juannabanana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From an adult, I say, go with the flow and it is not your job to advise your parents on this. Let them figure out how to handle it.
Only person you personally need to consult about this is Jesus. Talk to Him and listen for His answers in your heart. Let the rest take care of itself.
Remember, all fear is only a lack of faith. Have faith.
2006-08-07 20:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by Jon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that you cannot decide for them. What you can do is, support them in their decision. When you are out of the house you can decide whether you want to forge a relationship with your half-sister.
2006-08-07 20:55:50 · answer #4 · answered by Paula P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you and your family have to remember that Mary did not choose this situation. Second, that Mary is your father's child. I would do everything I could to make Mary welcome and support your dad on this one.
2006-08-07 20:54:56 · answer #5 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the other child is ur fathers responsibility n its not right to deny the relationship btw the 2.it would only b nice if all of u accepted her including ur mom...
2006-08-07 20:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by devangel1980 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u knwo that is up to your parents not us
2006-08-07 20:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by sissybng312027 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋