what is it with fathers wanting to be control freaks, maybe its just men in general, my dad is very stuborn he's has a rule that none of his family can tell him what he's doing wrong, infact when he's yelling at you (mainly me-his pregnant single already stressed out 19 year old daughter) your not allowed to speak or fight in your defence, not before not during not after, and its not because im pregnant he;s just always been like this, anyone else have similar experiences???
2006-08-07 20:44:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ok i dont live with my dad but i visit with my mother and my siblings now and then and when im there it causes fights with my dad, i repeat i do not live with my family
2006-08-07 20:56:58 · update #1
Yep, I had a father who was the same way. If I would try to talk and defend myself and I would speak in "fair arguing" language and say, "I think blah blah blah" he would counter with, "You think! You think! You're too stupid to think." Golly gee Mr. Spermdonor/oh father of my heart/Daddy Dearest, that was really helpful in my personal growth to have you smash my self-esteem so brilliantly. Was it any wonder I would have sex with any male who paid me a compliment when I was in my teens???
Some of us escaped without having children is all.
I suspect your father has always been overwhelmed by parenthood and this is his way of controlling his fear.
What took me a long, long time to realize was that my father was petrified by fatherhood and then he had to deal with my mother who decided to hate him 10 days after their wedding. So to have children in a loveless marriage had to be hard on him too. I can look back now because my father has been dead for 20 years. (He's been so well-behaved lately too!) Now after learning things about my mother, I can see what he was dealing with. Not that it excuses the abuse I went through. But now that he's dead and I can see where he really did try to be a good dad, I realize all he can send me now is his pure love and I bathe in it!
But your father is there now and you're his 19 year old, knocked-up daughter still living at home. Ask your mom, if you can, if he spent much time with you when you were a baby. I bet he didn't. I'm thinking babies freak him out. But all in all, you need to remove yourself from that situation. I'm sure he's not happy with your choices so far, but once a grandchild is there, he could change his tune.
Good luck, take care of yourself and stop this behavior in your generation so your kid doesn't do the same thing to your grandbabies.
Peace.
2006-08-07 21:08:38 · answer #1 · answered by Polly 4 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Hey, dont throw all men into that "control freak" group. Well your Dad is older and well he does probably think that he's in charge. Just deal with it and I am sure he is upset that you are pregnant - he didnt have anything to do with you getting pregnant. He is mostly upset because he knew that he raised you better than to get yourself knocked up like that.
If you dont like his rules or whatever, then move out. Your over 18 and your in a situation where being an adult is very important - obviously your not an adult yet ! Good luck. Shouldn't be going and getting knocked up if you are living under Dad's roof !
2006-08-08 03:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by Baghdad Pete ! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah. It's like that. Parents, get into their role with great sincerity and sometimes forget what it was like to have been a child. A great parent is one who remembers his or her childhood.
Now you are a daughter, and a parent next year. Hope you remember and treat your child like how you would have liked to have been treated. Because that's the only thing we can control: our policies and attitudes. We can't do anything about skewed people.
I have been a son, and now I'm a father and found out that sometimes my father had been right and sometimes wrong. All the right things I pass on to my kids, all the bad things I stop with my generation.
Only take care of yourself in such situations; don't make it worse by increasing your stress. Not good for you or the little one...
2006-08-08 03:58:05 · answer #3 · answered by ASH RAJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is probably afraid. For you, for the future. The uncertainty which he sees in both your lives makes the future frightening. Parents who tend to seem over protective usually are just afraid. So they use strict control as a way to bring order to the chaos.
What is most likely true is, your dad loves you. He wants what is best for you. He doesn't want you to be put into a bad position.
Parents seem tough, but they do want what is best for you. But they don't have all the answers. So try to give him a little slack. I know you are under alot of stress. He is too. The best way to get through this is together. So don't let this drive a wedge between you. Allow this pregnancy to bring you closer together.
Good Luck
2006-08-08 03:52:38 · answer #4 · answered by Jon H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dads have a lot of responsibility that they usually don't feel prepared to handle. Nobody really teaches anybody how to be a dad except their dads and how good were they? Yelling and not letting anybody talk back helps them feel a little more in control even though we and they know they aren't really. The good news is that a lot of lousy fathers make awesome grandfathers. The pressures off and they can just enjoy their grandchildren. You will soon have an opportunity to see your dad being a grandfather. It will be interesting to see if he has learned from his mistakes.
2006-08-08 03:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by Lleh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there sister! I never new my dad, but my grandfather sounds exactly like your father! He was never wrong, could never tell him he was wrong - hell, you couldn't tell him he was wet if even if he was standing in the rain. When I could, I moved as far away as I could from them... and a few years later, I found out he'd passed away - and no one in my family told me... I found out from a friend of the family. Now, I'd give anything to hear him tell me to get a real job!!
I guess in the end, in his own twisted little way, he was trying to teach me things and look out for me, but he couldn't figure out how to do it without blowing a gear and yelling.
Hope you can find a way to see around his "delivery method" and hear what he's saying, even if you don't agree with him 100% of the time!!
Good Luck!!
Aloha!
2006-08-08 03:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could of gotten a job and moved out but instead it looks like you chose to have child, so now you might be stuck living with your parents to help raise the kid, and your complaining, just deal.
2006-08-08 03:51:12 · answer #7 · answered by jhnedrmr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously he isnt controlling enough. you went and got knocked up, im sure he at least implied that you shouldnt be getting pregnant. maybe he is stressed out that his life is ruined because now he has to pay for your baby as well as you and his wife and whatever other family members are sucking him dry. did you ever think that isnt the life he had planned for himself or are you really that self absorbed dummy?
2006-08-08 03:51:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don'thave this particular experiance but i know people who have gone through something similar, it just makes you stronger in the end have hope!
Love ya God bless
2006-08-08 03:49:01 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he was probably raised that way,,,sster when he gets that way just walk away,,you are an adult now and dont have to be treated that way...2-1 when the grand baby comes he wont ever yell at it
2006-08-08 03:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋