My daughter will not sleep in her own room, let me play with her, or even read to her. I love my wife and our daughter, but my wife said that she feels like she has to choose between us. I have been happily married for 3 years, but nothing I do seems to help the situation. I can't interact with my daughter, she only wants her mother. If I try to play with her she gets really angry, and wants her mother. I am not the disciplinarian in our family either. My wife is the one that corrects our daughter and gets on to her. I work a rotating shift, so I am not at home much. My wife has told me she wished I was a truck driver, that way I would hardly ever be at home, because our daughter is happy when I am not around and my wife isn't stressed out. I have thought about family counseling, but I'm not sure if it would be the right thing. I feel like an outsider in my own home. I am the biological father, and have never had this problem with other children, or any of my neices or nephews. Help!!!
2006-08-07 19:51:08 · 29 answers · asked by dpm701 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all, a 2 yr. old doesn't know what HATE is!! I would ask your wife to go some-where when you are at home, & leave the child there with you! This will create a situation that, in time, she will need you to do something for her-(get a drink, food, ect.) then she will warm up to you!! The scariest thing you say is the part about your wife wanting you to be gone MORE!! You really should talk to her about the 2 of you going for some counseling!!
She should welcome your wanting to be with your child when you are home! Good luck to you!
2006-08-07 20:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by Betty T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going to guess that this is because your daughter does not know you as a one on one parent and your wife feels that she needs to intervene for your sake as well as your little girls. You need to tell your wife to go out to the store and leave baby girl with you. Do not get right into trying to play or interact with her. Go about your normal business. After a while have a snack that you know she loves. Do not share it with her right away. She will start wondering what is going on and then probably come around. Don't make a big show of having it just play it cool. After a while allow her to have some. Do the same things with toys or games. The key though is for her to spend increasing amounts of time alone with you while you are home. Your wife needs to hit the road for increasing amounts of time as you make headway. Start with a planned 15-20 minutes at first. Don't expect immediate results this will take time (weeks). I have 5 kids. My 4th gave my husband a run for his money. Now they are buddies, he is 3 and a half and loves to help daddy do big guy work. Let her help you with your jobs around the house. Picking up laundry, that kind of stuff, then tell her what a big girls she is and what a great help. I know she's just over 2 but they love to be praised!!! Keep your chin Up!
2006-08-15 17:03:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to stop calling a 2 1/2 year old a 29 month old you make it sound as if she's a baby and she's not. Secondly, some children go through a one parent attachment. Find out from your wife why it stresses her out to have you around and do everything you can to calm the situation down. Communication is the key here.
2006-08-15 13:46:47 · answer #3 · answered by i have no idea 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha! My mom says I went through the same phase! And it seems like you're my twin family. My dad also got a job where he wasn't going to be home much when I was that age. Maybe that's the reason why. But don't worry. My dad and I are most of the time best friends. And as I remember...my dad disiplined me more than my mom did. Try being the disciplinarian, I guess. lol. I don't know. I'm not a child expert. But most of my lessons were learned with the help of my father instead of my mother.
2006-08-07 20:00:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, first let me say this.. ur daughter does NOT hate you.. babies do NOT even know what hate is. kids get there *feeling* from the adults around them. I hate to say this, but it is ur wife who is putting those feeling into that little soul it sounds like. sense I do not know you or ur wife, I can only hope what you say is the truth, not that i want this to be happening, but because of the answer I am giving. a woman gives birth, so that is automatic bonding from mother to child, the dad has to work at it harder and more often to keep it. if dad is not around much, being a baby, the little one has to relearn and reacquaint with dad often. until the age of around 3 or 4 there is no permanent bond of child and dad . it is just that way naturally..I would seriously consider going to some sort of counseling.. maybe a fathers group to help u learn to bond and interact. also ur wife needs help.. there is more to this than meets the eye here.. not saying it is BAD stuff, just serious......... God bless
2006-08-07 20:18:34 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't sound like your wife has a very good attitude about the situation, perhaps she is even perpetuating it (unwillingly). it was wrong of her to say she wished you were never home.
you have said you love your wife and your daughter, so don't give up!!
children of all ages go through stages, and keep in mind this certainly won't be a permanent stage for your daughter. mark my words, there will come a stage when she hates her mother and thinks she loves dad best.
like i said, don't give up...keep trying to play with her even if she pushes you away. eat meals with her. read her a story at night even if she doesn't listen-- one day she will.
maybe counselling is a good idea! tell your wife you don't want to give up and will do anything to make it work, and see if she has any suggestions!
good luck!
2006-08-07 19:59:04 · answer #6 · answered by kogirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel becasue I delt with this problem before its just a matter of growing into your family, your wife wishes you were a truck driver so she doesn't get stressed out but I think the real problem is that she doesn't want to dissapoint her child, I may be a pre counselor but from what I read your her biological father which makes her weird around you because your not her real father you are veary lucky to have a kid but this one wants her real father from my image try talking to your wife and invite her real dad over and take some time off work!
Hope I helped!
2006-08-15 04:33:39 · answer #7 · answered by Soccer chick 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually from where I'm sitting it doesn't sound like a problem between you and your daughter it sounds like a problem between you and your wife. Everything your daughter is doing is something she has been TAUGHT, children have to be taught to dislike/hate someone. I think your idea about family counseling is a correct one, I do however doubt very much you will convince your wife.
2006-08-15 17:44:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not your daughter, it sounds like it's your wife. The baby is spoiled. She wants her mommy all of the time because her mommy gives her everything she wants, including letting her sleep where YOU should be sleeping. She sees you as competition for your wife's attention, not as a caregiver. And it sounds like your wife's attitude is just making the situation worse. Counseling may not be a bad idea.
2006-08-15 07:15:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
young children develop feeling about things by picking them up from the adults around them. if a parent is afraid of spiders, so will the child learn be afraid of spiders.
in this case, your wife doesn't appear to want you around your daughter. so neither does your daughter want you around.
sorry. i don't understand why your wife isn't more sympathetic about the situation and don't think family counselling would be a bad idea
2006-08-15 06:03:34 · answer #10 · answered by smethansmee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋